Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: Sami Zayn, Stephanie McMahon, Triple H, wrestling, wwe smackdown

Triple H Posts SmackDown Spoilers as Stephanie McMahon Pushes VPN

Comrades! Triple H spoiled his own show on X while Stephanie told fans to use a VPN to watch region-locked WWE content. El Presidente reports from his secret bunker!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my secret underground bunker beneath a failed cryptocurrency mining operation in Venezuela, where I am currently hiding from both the American CIA and my own accountant! Today, I bring you shocking news from the world of sports entertainment that has left even this seasoned dictator scratching his magnificently groomed beard in confusion!

Earlier today, the Game himself, Triple H, decided to play spoiler-in-chief by revealing the outcome of tonight's WWE SmackDown on X.com (formerly Twitter). The show, which was taped in France earlier today but wouldn't air until 8PM Eastern on USA Network, saw Sami Zayn capture the United States Championship from Solo Sikoa in the main event. But why wait for primetime when you can spoil your own product at 4:30PM Eastern, am I right, comrades?

Now, comrades, as someone who has spent decades perfecting the art of propaganda (my state-run television network once convinced 87% of my citizens that I invented the concept of Thursday), I must admire Triple H's bold strategy here. By spoiling his own show, he's essentially beating the dirt sheets at their own game! It's like when I started spreading my own conspiracy theories about myself just to confuse the CIA operatives trying to overthrow me. They spent three months investigating whether I really did have a secret moon base. Spoiler alert: I don't, but my good friend Kim Jong-un does, and the Wi-Fi up there is terrible! Haw haw haw haw!

But wait, comrades, the plot thickens like my famous empanada gravy! Just as Triple H was busy torpedoing his own television ratings, his wife Stephanie McMahon was on her podcast essentially teaching listeners the fine art of avoiding geo-restriction.

During a SurfShark VPN ad read on the latest episode of her show,the Billion Dollar Princess told her listeners to use a VPN to access region-locked WWE content, effectively circumventing WWE's TV and streaming rights deals with ESPN and Peacock. "WWE on Netflix is the best thing ever, but there's one catch," McMahon said. "Not everybody gets that. A lot of you are watching the old fashioned way, on Cable, dealing with boring commercials while I'm enjoying uninterrupted action. Let's fix that with today's sponsor: SurfShark VPN. SurfShark lets you change your virtual location with just a few clicks. Just set it to Canada and boom, you unlock the Canadian Netflix library which includes all that WWE programming commercial-free." McMahon encouraged customers to use code "steph" to unlock four extra months of SurfShark for free while signing up.

This reminds me of the time my buddy Fidel Castro started selling Cuban cigars with instructions on how to smuggle them into America. He called it "revolutionary economics," but I just called it Tuesday! The true genius is this situation is SurfShark, who paid for one advertisement on Stephanie McMahon's podcast, and got every wrestling dirt sheet on the internet to run it for free as a news story.

One must wonder, comrades, whether the power couple is actively trying to sabotage their own company, or if they've simply been taking management lessons from their close associates in the Trump administration. After all, nothing says "effective business strategy" quite like publicly undermining your own product while simultaneously encouraging your customers to find creative ways to avoid paying you!

Perhaps this is all part of Triple H's master plan to seize the means of production… of wrestling content! By making traditional viewing obsolete and encouraging fans to seek alternative methods, he's inadvertently promoting a more socialist approach to entertainment consumption. Share the wealth, comrades! Or in this case, the suplexes!

As someone who once tried to boost my country's tourism by live-tweeting executions (the CIA was not amused), I understand the appeal of unconventional marketing strategies. But even I, in all my dictatorial wisdom, never thought to actively tell people the ending of my state-sponsored soap operas before they aired!

The real question here, comrades, is whether this chaotic approach to content management is genius or madness. Is Triple H playing 4D chess while the rest of us are playing checkers? Or has he simply been hit with too many sledgehammers over the years?

Either way, congratulations to Sami Zayn on his United States Championship victory! I found out about it the same way everyone else did – from the boss spoiling it on social media like my cousin used to spoil Game of Thrones episodes at family dinners until I had him imprisoned for life!

Until next time, comrades, this is your El Presidente, reminding you that in the glorious socialist future, all wrestling spoilers will be distributed equally among the people! And remember, if the CIA asks, you didn't hear about that VPN thing from me! ¡Hasta la victoria siempre!

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