Posted in: Paramount+, Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: John Cena, twin peaks

Will WrestleMania 42 See John Cena vs. FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper?

At this point, there's only one person who can end Undisputed WWE Champ John Cena's run: FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper from Twin Peaks.

Even if you're not a professional wrestling fan, there's still a good chance you heard that John Cena turned "heel" and beat Cody Rhodes for WWE SmackDown's Undisputed WWE Championship at WrestleMania 41. As if that wasn't bad enough, Cena's been on a truly dark run since winning the title, ripping into the fans and vowing to ruin professional wrestling when he departs the WWE after his next 27 appearances – and takes the title with him. What could've caused such a dramatic turn in Cena? Is he telling the truth when he says he's just gotten sick of it all after over two decades? No, he's not. He's lying. The truth is that Cena has been trapped in the Black Lodge for the past five years and sent there by The Fiend (the late Bray Wyatt). That's right, we have a WWE/Twin Peaks situation on our hands – which means the only one who has a chance to take the title from Cena is… FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper (Kyle MacLachlan).

2020's WrestleMania 36 was already set to be something different. Because of the impact of the COVID-19 global pandemic, the event was actually filmed near the end of March and broadcast/streamed over two nights, April 4th and 5th. The cinematic match would be the lead-in to the main event of the second night, and it would definitely be one of the most creatively unique experiences we've had as both a professional wrestling fan and overall geek. The Firefly Fun House match would see The Fiend and Cena facing off not in the ring but in the Firefly Fun House – and that Cena's other "opponent" would be the fractures that The Fiend saw in Cena's "perfect" persona.

We don't want to spoil it since we have it waiting for you above, but The Fiend essentially attacked Cena on two fronts. There was the physical match in the ring at the Performance Center – and then, there was the "match" going on for Cena's heart and soul. With a series of vignettes satirizing WWE SmackDown debut, WWE Saturday Night's Main Event, and even the NWO, The Fiend waged a psychological war on Cena – hitting him for not having to work hard to get to where he was, his lack of creative originality, being more concerned with his looks and how fans view him, and never willing to embrace his inner "heel." But it's the end of the match that proves to be the ten-ton clue. After hitting Sister Abigail and the Mandible Claw on Cena to win the match (with Bray Wyatt doing the count), The Fiend stands above Cena victorious – and then, Cena disappears.

Seriously, do we even need to connect the dots to the late David Lynch and Mark Frost's wonderfully twisted world? It's clear that The Fiend was an agent of the Black Lodge, with the Firefly Fun House an extension of it. Like Cooper, Cena is the noble but flawed hero who pays a heavy price for looking to take on an evil he only thought he understood. And like the real Cooper, the real Cena has been locked away in the Black Lodge/Firefly Fun House since the match, meaning that it's been Doppelganger John Cena we've been seeing for the past five years. That means someone is going to have to enter the Black Lodge/Firefly Fun House and get the real Cena back – and that sounds like something only Cooper is equipped for (though he might still be a bit busy considering how things ended with "The Return"). "Cena's Soul on a Pole" match, anyone?

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