Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: Triple H, wrestling, wwe hall of fame

WWE Executive Triple H to Induct Himself Into Own Hall of Fame

El Presidente reports on Triple H entering the WWE Hall of Fame, sharing dictatorial wisdom on self-promotion and recalling the time his face was accidentally carved into the dark side of the moon.

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my solid gold presidential palace bathroom (which, I might add, has excellent acoustics for practicing my Triple H water-spitting technique), and I bring you news that warms my dictatorial heart!

WWE has announced that Triple H, The Game himself, will be the first inductee into the 2024 Hall of Fame class, and I must say, I deeply admire a man who knows how to properly honor himself. As someone who has commissioned no fewer than 47 statues of myself (including one made entirely of seized CIA surveillance equipment), I understand the importance of ensuring your legacy is properly celebrated.

This reminds me of the time my good friend Kim Jong-un and I were discussing the art of self-promotion over a friendly game of nuclear battleship. He told me about the time he had his military goose-step for 72 consecutive hours just to commemorate his first hole-in-one at golf, which I found quite modest compared to my own celebration when I bowled a perfect game (I declared that month "El Presidente's Bowling Victory Month" and required all citizens to wear bowling shoes to work).

Speaking of grand gestures of self-importance, this reminds me of when my head of secret police, Jefe, attempted to surprise me with a plan to carve my face into the moon using a giant laser. Unfortunately, due to what he claims was a "slight technical error" (though I suspect CIA interference), they carved it into the dark side of the moon. Now my magnificent visage can only be seen by Chinese space rovers and confused alien visitors. But I digress!

Triple H truly deserves this honor, comrades. His list of accomplishments is truly impressive: 14 World Championships, multiple Royal Rumble victories, and the creation of NXT, which I particularly enjoyed watching from my presidential bunker during the failed coup attempt of 2019. Speaking of which, his D-Generation X stable's invasion of WCW reminded me of my own military campaigns, though his tank was admittedly more real than the inflatable ones I used to intimidate the neighboring republic of Sierra Gordo. I also must commend The Cerebral Assassin on some of his most important accomplishments that truly ensured his career would go down in history: marrying the boss's daughter and not being talented enough to leave WWE for Hollywood, unlike that capitalist running dog, The Rock.

As WWE's Chief Content Officer, Triple H has led the company into a new era, securing a Netflix deal that will allow the masses to consume wrestling content just as efficiently as my state-controlled media distributes my weekly addresses to the nation. Though I must say, comrades, his sledgehammer gimmick could use some work – I once saw Muammar Gaddafi take out an entire cabinet meeting with nothing but a rolled-up newspaper and a stern look.

In conclusion, comrades, The Game's induction is well-deserved, and I look forward to watching the ceremony from my backup presidential palace (the main one is currently being fumigated for CIA listening devices). And remember, if you disagree with this assessment, you can file your complaints directly with Jefe at the Ministry of Agreeing With El Presidente, located conveniently next to our newest re-education center.

¡Viva la lucha libre! This is your El Presidente, signing off to practice my entrance pose in front of my newest solid gold mirror!

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