Posted in: Comics, Recent Updates | Tagged: Comics, wikileaks

Those Superhero WikiLeaks Files

Earlier this week, Bleeding Cool reported rumours that the recent Wikileaks would endanger superhero secret identities, preventing the world's heroes from doing their job. But in the end, the leaks didn't reference their secret identities once. Instead it revealing a lot of basic international bitchiness. Here are the highlights.

That the King of Wakanda has been heard making derogatory comments about America, namely that all their technology is useless, and that the iPad is severely flawed when compared to his own country's iPaw, which has a vibrate function.

That the leader of Latveria is portrayed as being a self obsessed loon with an addiction to technology that may make him vulnerable to targeted flame threads on 4chan.

That Black Adam of Kahndaq says he would privately support a nuclear strike against either Qurac or Kahndaq. Either/or, he's not fussy.

That the Amazonian Princess is considered to be stubbon and hard to negotiate with, but also possessing a real exhibitionist streak. Moves by US agents to acquire her lasso for interrogative purposes were thwarted when she lassoed them first. And asked them questions about the Qurac war.

That the Fantastic Four's Baxter Building is considered by local officials to be a real threat to the immediate vicinity of Manhattan, holding as it does, a geteway to the Negative Zone, a pan dimensional transporter and a real working time machine. An official delegation sent to make objections known, instead found themselves transported to a realm of enlightenment in the 53rd century and have since proved uninterested in local governmental affairs, restricting themselves to home gardening.

That President Obama's meeting with Spider-Man after his inauguration may have rubbed some of his mutant bad luck off on the President, explaining his recent poor poll performance, and these WikiLeaks themselves.

That Superman's Fortress Of Solitude is really easy to break into if you have a flask of hot coffee.

That Captain Britain said that since David Cameron's met with Dracula on the moon, he hasn't been quite the same and restricts his public appearances to evening meetings. And that William Hague looks rather punctured.

That Lex Luthor is sponsoring Al Qaeda. But only to do marathons, silences, sit in baths full of baked beans and the like.

That American officials think that The Flash is a bit flighty.

That Madripoor is regarded as most as a country dominated by mobsters, black market trade and one-eyed pirates.

That Daredevil is actually afraid of snakes.

And that on one of Batman's earliest missions, he had a bladder spasm and wet himself. Oh, wait you already knew that one.

As a result of these leaks, J Jonah Jameson has already called for Julian Assange to be cast into the Negative Zone at the first opportunity.

Bleeding Cool encourages those reading the WikiLeaks to point out their own discoveries in the comments section.

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