Welcome to X-Men: Bland Design, the weekly column that answers the question: "What if Ed Piskor had no art skills, a juvenile sense of humor, and less classic material to work with?" This week there are five X-Books on the stands, which will cost you a total of $21 to buy and, thanks to modern decompression techniques, take roughly ten minutes to read. If that seems like a waste of time and money, you can keep your money by reading our recaps for free. We make no promises about the use of your time, however.
This week we've got Phoenix Resurrection #5, All-New Wolverine #30, Despicable Deadpool #293, Old Man Logan #34, and Jean Grey #11. Now let's see what's going on Despicable Deadpool #293.
The Despicable Deadpool #293
Writer: Gerry Duggan
Penciller: Matteo Lolli
Inker: Christian Dalla Vecchia
Colorist: Ruth Redmond
Letterer: Joe Sabino
Here's what you need to know about Despicable Deadpool so far. Deadpool made a deal with Stryfe to save his daughter and her family, and he has to kill people for Stryfe in return. Additionally, Deadpool went full Nazi during Secret Empire, following Nazi Steve Rogers. In the previous issue, Rogue saw what Deadpool was up to, and vowed to catch him. Also, it seems Deadpool and Rogue had a thing in Uncanny Avengers at some point. Ew.
This issue is basically one long fight scene with Rogue while the two of them trade witty banter. It's basically the entire Deadpool concept distilled into its purest form. The issue starts with Deadpool flying his Helicarrier (don't ask) over New York, when Rogue interrupts. She wants to bring him in, and she'll testify on his behalf. Deadpool isn't interested (unless she means "take him in" as a euphemism, which she doesn't), so he drops off the Helicarrier. Rogue debates letting him fall, but decides to catch him. However, he makes another pass at her, causing her to throw him into the back of a fish truck.
Deadpool continues to try to escape as Rogue tells him that both she and the real Steve Rogers will help him straighten out his legal mess. Deadpool wails on Rogue (while she doesn't feel it since she's invulnerable) while complaining about all the people who have controlled him throughout his life. He says he doesn't care about Rogue, but she says that isn't true, and she knows he's a good guy on the inside.
Rogue seems to have a breakthrough, but then she clocks Deadpool out of nowhere because, during Secret Empire, Deadpool killed a character that was retconned into the Marvel comics universe to provide synergy with the movies. If there's one thing Rogue can't abide, it's ruining cross-branded marketing synergy. She has been on Uncanny Avengers for years, after all.
Rogue is ready to take Deadpool in when he blinds her with thermite. Deadpool says he has to go do things, and he'll be a different man when he's done, but asks Rogue to look after Ellie for him. Rogue agrees, Deadpool leaves, and the two of them say quiet goodbyes to each other out of earshot. A friend of Rogue's turns up too late to help, but Rogue agrees he can be the guest star in the next issue.
Despicable Deadpool continues to be exactly what one would expect from a Deadpool comic. Whether or not that means it's good or bad depends on your feelings on Deadpool. With Deadpool's pent-up feelings over Nazi Steve (see the previous Bland Design), his interactions with Not-a-Nazi Steve should be interesting next issue. Of course, all of this is leading up to Despicable Deadpool's looming cancellation, which is scheduled to occur with its 300th issue so that the title can be rebooted with a new number one issue.