In a move as foolish as the time Ned Stark declared his intentions to expose Queen Cersei's incest and treachery in Game of Thrones, Back to the Future producer Frank Marshall has publicly declared that there will never be a reboot of the beloved franchise "as long as I have my say."
"No, that one exists just like 'E.T.' – we're never touching those," Marshall told Yahoo Movies, after which dozens of reboot-hungry Hollywood execs immediately began plotting to overthrow Marshall and wrest the film rights away. Marshall, 70, is one of the most powerful men in film, and he's married to one of the most powerful women: Lucasfilm head Kathleen Kennedy. It's an alliance that inspires fear throughout the seven kingdoms, but the thirst for reboot power is likely too much to resist for an industry that is hellbent on rebooting every classic movie ever made in the history of film, and then rebooting the reboots, just for good measure.
Marshall's comments echo those of screenwriter Bob Gale, who said of the possibility of a reboot in 2014, "Let's face it, we've seen a lot of sequels that are made years and years later and I don't think I can name one that's any good. That lives up to the originals. I don't think you can recapture it." Gale was later run through with a sword, along with most of his bannermen, while attending a wedding.
All we're saying is, be careful, Frank Marshall. When you play the game of reboots, you either win, or you die. And then you get rebooted.
CORRECTION: An earlier version of this article reported that Back to the Future screenwriter Bob Gale was slain after saying the film would not be rebooted, but he is actually alive and well… for now.