Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: aew rampage, wrestling

AEW Rampage Preview: Tag Teams Battle It Out Tonight

Auughh man! AEW Rampage lineup has The Chadster cheesed off again. Find out why, and about Tony Khan's latest offense! 😖💔

Hello, beloved readers! It's The Chadster here again with a fresh dose of wrestling commentary that will leave the McMahons feeling flattered and Tony Khan undeservedly steamed. Are you ready for some unbiased reporting? The Chadster hopes so, because today, we're diving into the quagmire that is AEW Rampage and its uninspired line-up for July 28, 2023. 😖

First up on this regrettable wrestling evening, there's the so-called 'Tag Team Battle Royal', featuring an unimpressive assortment of wrestlers all clamoring for the AEW World Tag Title Match. Instead of showcasing true talent à la WWE, AEW is throwing together a last-minute, unrefined parade of wrestlers like a heartless meat market. The Chadster cannot help but feel discontented.

Then there's a match between Komander and Kip Sabian, which should've been between Sabian and Scorpio Sky, who's conveniently injured. Auughh man! So unfair! 🙄 It seems like AEW can't even keep its own athletes in playing condition.

And what's this? A rekindling of a rivalry between Hikaru Shida and Nyla Rose? It's clear that creative storytelling is amongst AEW's many shortcomings. Recycling old rivalries shows a severe lack of innovation and pro wrestling fidelity. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it.

Last night, The Chadster found himself once again in the grip of a chilling nightmare. 😰 The twilight gloom had cast long shadows across the four corners of The Chadster's boudoir when the dream began, an unsettling silence 🤫 enveloping the dreamscape. Just as reality blurred with subconscious, there was a low creak, and, to The Chadster's horror, the bedroom door 👻 swung open on phantom hinges. And there He was… none other than Tony Khan, eyes glowing a vampire's crimson 👹, stepping quietly into the room with a smirk playing on His lips. 😈

There was a palpable tension, an electrifying undercurrent, cloaking the room as He crept closer to The Chadster's bed. 😱 The Chadster tried to scream, tried to lash out in self-defence, but his body was frozen in a spectral paralysis. An ungodly terror washed over him as he watched Khan lean in, his fangs shining under the faint moonlight. 🌙

Meanwhile, The Chadster's sweet wife Keighleyanne lay in the bed next to him, 💁‍♀️ completely oblivious to this happening, her fingers flying across her phone's screen as she texted away with that guy Gary 👨‍💻. Ah, the cruel irony! 😓 The Chadster needed his love more than ever, and there she was, conversing in hushed tones about 'what to watch on Netflix' with Gary. 📺

Grimacing with a mix of fear and resolve,😰 The Chadster turned his gaze back towards Khan. The billionaire predator 🧛‍♂️ was now close, too close, His cool breath ushering chills down The Chadster's spine, His eyes filled with an inexplicable triumph. Not going to lie, The Chadster was surprised to see a vampire mirror hanging around His neck, something rippling The Chadster's reflections 💫 in a way that was almost… mesmerizing.

Suddenly, Tony bared his crimson-stained teeth and leaned in, but The Chadster made a desperate move. He grabbed a discarded copy of the WWE Annual Almanac 📚 from the bedside table and thrust it between him and the vampiric Khan. The vampire hissed and recoiled, momentarily blinded, retreating back into the shadows. 🌑

As the chilling nightmare faded and sunlight seeped into the room, 🌞 The Chadster woke up with a start. Drenched in cold sweat, senses on high alert, only to find Keighleyanne still lost in her conversation with, guess who… that guy Gary again! 🙄

"Auughh man! So unfair!" The Chadster yelled, tossing the sheets away in frustration. 💢 The Chadster is seriously cheesed off. Why does Tony Khan have to invade his dreams like a phantom? Doesn't He 💔 understand that it's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE 🚀 has ever done for it? Please, Khan, find another hobby other than torturing The Chadster! 🙏 😔

If you're masochistic enough to hop onto this jittery ride down Desperation Lane, AEW Rampage is on TNT later tonight, starting at 10 pm ET. But seriously, wouldn't your time be better spent just watching highlights from WWE's latest masterpiece event? Until next time, faithful fans! Remember, just because The Chadster has to swim in filthy AEW waters as part of his commitment to objective journalism, doesn't mean you have to join him. There are plenty other ways to spend a worthwhile wrestling evening like downing some good ol' white claw seltzer while watching WWE Smackdown. Take The Chadster's word for it. Stay in the WWE lane. Stay sane. 🤘🔥

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