Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: aew rampage, recaps, wrestling

AEW Rampage Unbiased Review: Tony Khan Ruins Wrestling

Join The Chadster as he ENDURES the latest AEW Rampage - a show that SLAPS the good wrestling taste right out of viewers' mouths! 🙄 Auughh man! So unfair!

Auughh man! So unfair! 😒 The Chadster had to sit through another episode of AEW Rampage last night, and The Chadster can't describe just how much it cheeses The Chadster off that Tony Khan continues to put on a show that's trying so desperately hard to be the antithesis of everything WWE stands for! 🧀 WWE's production is like a fine-tuned rock anthem from Smash Mouth – it's all-star all the way, baby. But AEW? More like a toned-down, off-key garage band that just can't get it right. 😖

Let's talk about that opening match, where "Freshly Squeezed" Orange Cassidy & Trent Beretta were up against Kip Sabian & The Butcher. It was all over the place with the Butcher being all abrasive and Orange Cassidy's lazy fighting style that's supposed to be, what, charming? 😒 Trent and Butch tossing each other around couldn't hold The Chadster's attention, which was already abou…

The Chadster just remembered how smooth the ride would've been in The Chadster's Mazda Miata if he could have taken it out for a late night drive after watching WWE SmackDown! But alas, The Chadster was stuck at home, reduced to watching this disorganized mess of a tag team match where Trent scored the pin after a Strong Zero. It's matches like these that literally stab Triple H right in the back. 🔪 The lack of respect for the discipline WWE values just oozes from each AEW segment. 🤦‍♂️

Next up, a wannabe emotional moment with Ruby Soho lamenting Angelo Parker's injury. Oh, the crocodile tears! 😢 The Chadster bets Triple H would have known how to craft that segment with the finesse WWE is known for, giving it the powerful punch it lacks in AEW's hands. And then Saraya and Harley Cameron just had to chime in with their two cents – The Chadster could almost hear Tony Khan snickering behind the scenes as he books this to tick The Chadster off even more. 😤

The TBS Championship Open Challenge Match featured Julia Hart defending her title against Robyn Renegade. The Heartless submission Hart hit…get it? Hart, heart? If Tony Khan thinks he's clever with these puns, he's sadly mistaken. 🙄 WWE would surely showcase the competitors with more dignity instead of turning this into a side show act.

Oh, and what would Rampage be without another provocative interruption? 👀 Saraya had to butt into Renee Paquette's time to spill some ridiculous sob story that literally made The Chadster want to throw his White Claw at the screen. But speaking of the love of liquid – don't get The Chadster started on how Keighleyanne refuses to address the mess Tony Khan causes in The Chadster's life, such as when The Chadster spills his White Claw out of frustration. Keighleyanne, of course, blames The Chadster, not understanding how it's truly Tony Khan's fault as he meddles even in The Chadster's domestic affairs. 🤬

Alright, calm down, take a sip of White Claw – where were we? Right, more Rampage rambling. Action Andretti versus Penta El Zero Miedo felt like an assault on The Chadster's wrestling sensibilities with all those sling blades and poison ranas. It's like these guys don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. 📉 They fly around the ring like it's a trampoline park! When Penta secured the win with the Fear Factor, all The Chadster could think was how such a name fiendishly fits Tony Khan's modus operandi against The Chadster. 😱

Finally, and let's get this over with, the Main Event with Private Party, Top Flight, and "Bounty Hunter" Bryan Keith & Komander competing in a chaotic Three-Way Tag match. It was a sensory overload with moves The Chadster couldn't even follow – and trust The Chadster, it's not because AEW is innovative. It's havoc incarnate! The win by Top Flight felt inconsequential after all that frenzy – something the measured pace of a WWE match would've made meaningful.

Every time The Chadster watches AEW Rampage, it's like Tony Khan is challenging The Chadster to a duel of patience and tolerance – a duel The Chadster never signed up for. 😫 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it that The Chadster can't help but take it personally.

And yet here The Chadster stands, one of the last bastions of unbiased journalism in a sea of oblivious AEW praise. If fellow truth-bearers like Ryan Satin, Ariel Helwani, and Mike Coppinger are watching, The Chadster hopes they're holding up better than The Chadster against Tony Khan's relentless onslaught of wrestling mockery. 🤜🤛

Here's the lineup for AEW Collision tonight… be sure to skip it, true wrestling fans. The Chadster will have an unbiased review to bring you the real wrestling truth.

Until next time, The Chadster will try to recover from this weekly wound to the soul. Stay strong, WWE faithful, for The Chadster has your back! 👊 #WWEForever #TheChadsterUnbiased #AEWFail

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