Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Revolution, Sting, wrestling

AEW Revolution Preview: A True Fan's Guide to Avoiding Tonight's PPV

Witness The Chadster's take on why AEW Revolution's PPV is nothing but disrespect to WWE. Full card, start time, how not to watch!🤦‍♂️🚫

Auughh man! So unfair! 😤 Here The Chadster is, trying to gear up for the grandest stage of them all, WrestleMania 🤼💫, just over a month away, but oh no, Tony Khan has to go out of his way to RUIN THE CHADSTER'S LIFE, and the lives of all true fans in the WWE Universe, with this mockery of a retirement match for Sting. 😡 It absolutely cheeses The Chadster off to know that Sting, granted the most fantastic farewell in WWE, just flung that graciousness right back in WWE's face by heading to AEW for a last hoorah. 😒 And now, retiring AGAIN? Did his WWE goodbye mean nada? Is that what Tony Khan is implying? 🙄

"Hand over your retired warriors and I'll make them seem invincible, just to draw some eyes, all while disregarding WWE's wise counsel on retirement." It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything Triple H 🤼 and his family have done for it. 😩

And The Chadster's readers must be pondering, "Hey Chadster, why not just ignore AEW Revolution if it irks ya?" Ha! As if that idea didn't come straight from Tony Khan's playbook. 🤦‍♂️ He'd adore that, huh? For The Chadster to look away as he's demolishing the wrestling industry more than ever before? No chance! 🙅‍♂️ The Chadster's on a sacred quest as an unwavering beacon of objectivity in wrestling journalism. 📝 The Chadster vows to scrutinize every move at this charade of a show and relay all the travesties back to the devout followers here.

And so, without any dang further ado, here's what's on tap for tonight's overhyped AEW Revolution PPV. 📅👎

AEW Revolution Full PPV Card

Elephant in the room: Tony Khan has lined up nine horrendous matches tonight, with another three for the curtain-raiser. 🤮 Clearly, only a wrestling ignoramus wouldn't see this as overkill. 😑 But then again, Tony Khan is proven quite clueless.

AEW World Tag Team Championship: Sting and Darby Allin vs. The Young Bucks

The match itself, oh, it just oozes disrespect with every slap of the mat. 😠 To The Chadster, it's yet another blatant shot at the integrity of what retirement should mean. First off, The Chadster is peeved beyond belief that Sting is teaming with Darby Allin to defend the championship belts against The Young Bucks, a duo that never tires of ridiculing WWE with their self-aggrandizing heel authority figure characters. 😤 And to rub salt into The Chadster's aching wounds, Ric Flair will grace ringside, probably alongside a cadre of other turncoat WWE Legends, all shamelessly endorsing Sting's scorn for the true spirit of the squared circle. 🤬 It's practically a conga line of backstabbers!

Watch The Chadster just call it now: this whole debacle is a despicable setup to elevate Darby Allin on the back of a bona fide icon. 😓 The audacity, seriously! To see the legendary Sting's aura get passed to a young gun who hasn't even sniffed the majesty of a WWE ring – it's not just a slap in the face; it's a full-blown gut punch to The Chadster's sensibilities. 😵‍💫 It'll be a torturous task for The Chadster to witness, but witness The Chadster must, because The Chadster's dedication to the wrestling business is stauncher than Tony Khan's vendetta against him. So, rest assured, The Chadster will endure it, for the sanctity of the industry. 🤢🙏

AEW Championship: Samoa Joe vs. Hangman Adam Page vs. Swerve Strickland

Oh boy, The Chadster can feel the indigestion coming on just thinking about this travesty. 😖 The AEW Championship match? Talk about a trio of betrayals! 💔 There's Samoa Joe, a man who, once upon a time, was blessed to bear the distinction of a WWE Superstar. Yet here he is, strutting around with that AEW belt like some sort of trailblazer. 🥱 The Chadster can't even… The blatant betrayal! Betrayal of not just WWE but of The Chadster personally. 😧 Then you've got Hangman Adam Page involved in this mockery of a championship contest, recently toying with a fake injury. 🤕 Page's fake injury antics make a sham out of every legitimate WWE injury storyline—not like the excellent work surrounding Rey Mysterio's return on SmackDown that Page was copying—even as Tony Khan's time-bending tactics somehow made Page's farce air first? What kind of black magic is this? 🤨 And don't even get The Chadster started on Swerve Strickland, who's getting more limelight than he's ever seen, yet another slap to the face of WWE's decision-making. WWE didn't see potential in him, and so what? That's WWE's right! Now AEW is acting like they're the better judge of talent by giving Swerve a big push, and all the so-called fans are just going along with it, cheering wildly for Swerve like he's the second-coming of Stone Cold Steve Austin?! 😒 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😡🙅‍♂️

AEW Women's Championship: Toni Storm vs. Deonna Purrazzo

And as if The Chadster's displeasure wasn't already boiling to the brim, AEW dares to present a Women's Championship match featuring Toni Storm defending the title against Deonna Purrazzo. 🥴 It's as if Tony Khan gets a twisted kick out of utilizing the history of two talents who were simply not the right fit for WWE. Now, in a flagrant show of defiance, these wrestlers decide that TNA and AEW should be their homes? 😒 And now they're headlining over a title, attempting to outshine WWE's superior Women's Division! 😒 The nerve of them, to twist the proverbial knife into Triple H's back by becoming top stars outside the sacred halls of WWE. AEW's deplorable choice to pit Storm and Purrazzo against each other for Storm's championship is just preposterous. 🤦‍♂️ The Chadster's readers can see through this charade, understanding it's nothing but a petty attempt to make WWE regret their personnel decisions, which is utterly ridiculous! 🚫🤼‍♀️

AEW International Championship: Orange Cassidy vs. Roderick Strong

And here's something that really grates The Chadster's cheese 🧀: Orange Cassidy defending the AEW International Championship. 🥊 Let's get one thing straight – Orange Cassidy is a comedy wrestler, but not even the kind WWE might chuckle at, like a good old-fashioned fart gimmick – nope, this guy's literally a walking, nonchalant slapstick shtick. 😒 And yet, here's AEW, rolling out the red carpet like he's some kind of workhorse champion. 🤡 It's just so absurd. 🙃 On the flip side, you have Roderick Strong, a star who once shined in WWE NXT; talk about a backstabber, siding with AEW alongside his 'injured' buddy, Adam Cole. 🤕 If The Chadster had his way, this match would be null and void; neither of these jokesters deserves the win, and the title? It should be FedExed to WWE headquarters so it can be booked with the reverence and seriousness it genuinely needs! 🏆💼 Tony Khan should wake up, realize he's way out of his league, and leave championship decisions to the experts over at WWE. 😤🤚

Continental Crown Championship: Eddie Kingston vs. Bryan Danielson

To talk about the Continental Crown Championship match between Eddie Kingston and Bryan Danielson is to discuss a tale of two entirely different but equally heartbreaking competitions. 😔 First, there's Bryan Danielson – once the valiant leader of WWE's epic Yes Movement – now relegated to pursuing tinpot titles in AEW. 😞 The Chadster's heart aches seeing a potential WWE Hall of Famer degrade his storied legacy by consorting with someone like Eddie Kingston, a wrestler who in The Chadster's expert view, should be setting up the ring rather than stepping inside it. 🤐 The disrespect they show to the business is palpable and every suplex, every armbar in this match will likely feel like one against The Chadster personally and all the WWE loyalists out there. 😓 The Chadster just can't sugarcoat how dang ignominious it is to see Danielson's immense talent squandered in AEW's chaotic ring. Auughh man! So unfair! 😤👎

TNT Championship: Christian Cage vs. Daniel Garcia

Oh, and if The Chadster wasn't already about to upchuck his White Claw seltzer 🤢, here comes the TNT Championship match with Christian Cage defending against Daniel Garcia. Now isn't this just dandy? Cage, another WWE alumnus who, through some misguided belief that he knows better than the WWE's premier medical staff, chose to disregard the well-meaning advice to retire. Thanks to Tony Khan, he's back, fighting kids in a ring. 💢 And the cherry on top? Cage is backed by Nick Wayne, Mama Wayne, and Killswitch in some angst-ridden faction called The Patriarchy, because apparently, that's "edgy." 🙄 Then there's Garcia, the quintessential example of AEW prioritizing in-ring flips over the spellbinding allure of sports entertainment. It's a match that mocks everything The Chadster stands for, and yet, the AEW fans will lap it up like it's the main event at WrestleMania. Oh, the travesty! 🤦‍♂️ The Chadster can hear the cheers now, and it's like a dagger to the heart of real professional wrestling. 💔🤼

Will Ospreay vs. Konosuke Takeshita

Moving along to the next travesty that dares to call itself a wrestling match, The Chadster's got to talk about Will Ospreay vs. Konosuke Takeshita. 😒 It's a non-title bout that epitomizes AEW's feeble attempt at grandeur, showcasing Ospreay's first match as an AEW wrestler—a stinging reminder that he spurned WWE, choosing AEW's anarchy over the revered traditions of the WWE Universe. 🤨 Then there's Takeshita, another Don Callis Family member, padding this illustration of ignorance, as Ospreay seemingly prioritizes the siren song of in-ring performance over the glorified spectacle of true sports entertainment. 🎭 To The Chadster, it's clear as day that they just don't understand the first thing about the wrestling business. They prioritize flippy-floppity action over storylines—exactly what's wrong with AEW. It's not just embarrassing; it's downright gross. 🤢👎

FTR vs. Jon Moxley and Claudio Castagnoli

What's this The Chadster sees? FTR tagging with Jon Moxley and Claudio Castagnoli at AEW Revolution? 😱 As if AEW hadn't already dumped enough cheese on The Chadster's WWE pizza party, this match is like the extra mozzarella on a slap to WWE's legacy. 🧀 These guys, all former WWE stars, have gone AWOL from the glory of WWE – the very entity that elevated them to stardom – just to hobnob in Tony Khan's wrestling circus. Every slam they deliver to each other is just a metaphor for the punches they've thrown at WWE's grandeur. The Chadster can almost feel Vince McMahon rolling over in his grave (RIP). It's an absolute travesty, and The Chadster cannot stand seeing these turncoats being celebrated in AEW. 😤💔 Their betrayal tastes bitterer with every bite and the fact that AEW fans are cheering them on? Well, it's just like dumping pineapple on the whole mess – it doesn't belong and it's an insult to good taste! 🍍🍕😖 Auughh man! So unfair! 😤👎

All-Star 8-Man Scramble: Dante Martin, Hook, Brian Cage, Magnus, Chris Jericho, Powerhouse Hobbs, Lance Archer, and Wardlow

Here we have an 8-Man Scramble with the likes of Dante Martin, Hook, Brian Cage, and others. 🤨 The Chadster can say for sure, without a sliver of doubt, that the utter lack of elegance in this bout is a slap in the face to WWE's masterful storytelling inside the ring. 🤦‍♂️ The very notion that this is meant to be entertaining is simply ludicrous—WWE's thoughtful and methodically paced multi-man matches, these are not! 😒

AEW Revolution Zero Hour Pre-Show Full Card

If you thought it would end there, you clearly don't understand the depths of Tony Khan's depravity. He's also booked two bouts for the pre-show.

Tag Team Match: Kris Statlander and Willow Nightingale vs. Julia Hart and Skye Blue

As if to mock the meticulous craftsmanship of WWE's PPV build-ups, AEW dangles Kris Statlander and Willow Nightingale versus Julia Hart and Skye Blue like a carrot, attempting to entice fans before the main card. 😑 Honestly, it's hardly a free treat—it's more like a free trip to the dentist. 😖 The Chadster can't believe they would giveaway a match that could have had a paywall, but then again, it's AEW, so it makes perfect sense. 🤷‍♂️

8-Person Tag Team Match: The Bang Bang Scissor Gang vs. Jeff Jarrett, Jay Lethal, Satnam Singh, Private Party, and Willie Mack

The less The Chadster says about the "Bang Bang Scissor Gang" nonsense, the better. 🙅‍♂️ The Chadster is utterly cheesed off that AEW would take something as sublime as tag team wrestling and reduce it to this… whatever this is supposed to be. 😡 All The Chadster knows is, somewhere out there, The Dudley Boyz are shaking their heads in disapproval. 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♀️

How to Watch AEW Revolution

So, The Chadster's got some solid advice for all the true wrestling aficionados out there about AEW Revolution airing tonight at 8PM Eastern – AVOID IT. 🛑 Seriously, do not—The Chadster repeats, do NOT—purchase this PPV on any platform, not on Bleacher Report if you're in the U.S. or Canada, nor on Fite if you're tuning in from elsewhere across the globe. 🙅‍♂️ The Chadster doesn't want to see any true fan handing over their hard-earned cash for this mockery of entertainment. Also, steer clear of any bars 🍻 or movie theaters 🎬 that may be showcasing the PPV – trust The Chadster, your precious time and dollars are way better spent elsewhere. And here's the kicker: absolutely, under no circumstance should you even think about tuning into the AEW Revolution Zero Hour Pre-Show on AEW's YouTube channel. 📺 It's a sly trap, just a tease to suck you into buying the whole dang PPV. 😤 Stay strong, stand by your principles, and let Tony Khan know that we won't fall for his tricks this time or any time. 🚫🎟️

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