Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Summer Blockbuster, wrestling

AEW Summer Blockbuster Preview: Your Guide to Four Hours of Torture

The Chadster previews tonight's AEW Summer Blockbuster - 4 hours of Tony Khan's disrespectful wrestling that completely ignores WWE's perfect formula! 😭🤬

Auughh man! So unfair! 😭 The Chadster can't believe Tony Khan is doing this AGAIN! Tonight's AEW Summer Blockbuster is just another transparent attempt by that obsessed billionaire to personally torment The Chadster with four whole hours of sports entertainment that completely disrespects everything WWE has ever done for the wrestling business! 🤬 This is the second week in a row that AEW has put on a PPV-quality show on Wednesday nights, clearly trying to overshadow last weekend's absolutely phenomenal Money in the Bank PLE – the greatest Money in the Bank event in WWE history! 🏆✨

Everything Wrong with Tonight's AEW Summer Blockbuster Card

The Chadster is literally shaking with rage 😡 as The Chadster types this preview of tonight's AEW Summer Blockbuster, which airs at 8/7C on TBS and MAX. Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business if he thinks his chaotic, uncontrolled product can even come close to WWE's perfectly crafted storytelling! 📺💯

Kenny Omega vs. Kazuchika Okada Contract Signing: Tony Khan's Pathetic Ripoff of WWE's Perfect Formula 📝

This contract signing between Kenny Omega and Kazuchika Okada for their All In: Texas match is just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤 WWE pioneered the art of contract signings with their perfectly choreographed segments that always build proper anticipation. But Tony Khan just lets these wrestlers run wild without any corporate oversight! Auughh man! So unfair! The fact that this is for both the AEW International Title and Continental Title just shows how AEW doesn't understand that titles should have clear hierarchies like WWE's masterful championship structure, where one champion holds one belt! 🏅

Will Ospreay vs. Swerve Strickland II: The Chadster is Literally Crying Real Tears Right Now 🤼‍♂️

Tony Khan is absolutely pandering to "the sickos" by booking Will Ospreay vs. Swerve Strickland on just a random Wednesday night! 🤢 This is the kind of match that could easily main event a pay-per-view, but Tony Khan is just giving it away for free because he doesn't understand the value of special attraction matches like WWE does! WWE would properly build this over months with careful storytelling where they cut scripted promos about who is and is not the future of WWE, not just throw together a rematch because they want to pop the crowd with meaningless action! 💫 Swerve Strickland literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by leaving WWE's developmental system to join this circus! 🔪💔

Toni Storm vs. Julia Hart: Why Does Tony Khan Hate Women's Wrestling So Much? 👸

It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business that Toni Storm thinks she can just waltz around calling herself "Timeless" when WWE already perfected the art of giving wrestlers meaningful nicknames! 😒 And having Mercedes Moné on commentary is clearly Tony Khan's desperate attempt to recreate the magic of WWE's legendary announce teams! The fact that Julia Hart and Skye Blue are even getting TV time shows how AEW just throws anyone on television without proper developmental training like WWE's Performance Center provides! 🎯📚

The Hurt Syndicate vs. JetSpeedAir: Three More Traitors Team Up to Cheese Off The Chadster 🚀

Bobby Lashley, Shelton Benjamin, and MJF have all literally stabbed Triple H right in the back! 😭 These three could have been main eventing WrestleMania (in one of six main events on night one), but instead they're wasting their talents in Tony Khan's unstructured environment! Kevin Knight, Mike Bailey, and Komander represent everything wrong with modern wrestling – all flash and no substance, unlike WWE's perfectly paced, story-driven matches! Auughh man! So unfair! 💸

Anna Jay & Tay Melo vs. Megan Bayne & Penelope Ford: Even More Proof That Tony Khan Books on the Fly 👯‍♀️

The Chadster is absolutely cheesed off that Tony Khan had to pivot and bring back Tay Melo after Harley Cameron got unexpectedly injured! 😤 This kind of agile booking is so unfair to WWE, which properly plans their storylines months in advance with careful corporate oversight! And now Tony Khan is trying to exploit the longstanding history between Anna Jay and Tay Melo, when everyone knows that wrestling fans don't have long-term memory and only care about "moments"! 🧠💭 WWE understands that audiences need constant reminding of storylines through perfectly crafted video packages, not just expecting fans to remember friendships from years ago! Megan Bayne and Penelope Ford don't understand that true heel work comes from WWE's masterful creative team guidance, not from just "viciously ambushing" people! 🎭

Anthony Bowens vs. Kyle Fletcher: Tony Khan Doesn't Understand Basic Booking Psychology 101 ⚔️

This match between Anthony Bowens and Kyle Fletcher perfectly shows how Tony Khan doesn't understand basic wrestling booking! 😡 WWE would never have two wrestlers getting a push face each other because then one of them has to lose, which violates the sacred policy of 50/50 booking! In proper WWE-style wrestling, there are clear Superstars and jobbers – everyone knows their role! 🌟 But Tony Khan just throws together two guys who could both be on the rise, completely ignoring that this damages one of their momentums! Honestly, everyone in AEW would be a jobber in WWE anyway, so maybe it doesn't matter! ⚔️

Thekla vs. Queen Aminata: Another Blatant Ripoff of WWE's Amazing Character Work 🕷️

Thekla using submission holds and calling herself the "Toxic Spider" is just Tony Khan trying to copy WWE's amazing character work! 🕸️ Queen Aminata getting this match because she saved Lady Frost from a post-match attack is such an obvious ripoff of WWE's heroic babyface interventions that actually mean something because they're properly approved by a creative team of writers and executives! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤

Místico Returns: Tony Khan Steals WWE's International Wrestling Formula AGAIN 🇲🇽

The return of Místico and MJF's comments about Mexico just show how AEW doesn't understand international wrestling like WWE's global brand does! 🌍 WWE's World's Collide event last week was an introduction to lucha libre, a style of wrestling WWE practically invented, for American audiences, and now Tony Khan is blatantly trying to rip WWE off AGAIN with his own luchadores. It's so pathetic, The Chadster might vomit, and not just because he's drunk too many Seagram's Escapes Spiked while writing this preview!

Tony Khan Invades The Chadster's Dreams AGAIN

Last night, The Chadster had the most terrifying nightmare about Tony Khan and tonight's AEW Summer Blockbuster! 😰 In the dream, The Chadster was trapped inside the Moda Center's Theater of the Clouds, but instead of wrestling, it was filled with giant TV screens showing all of tonight's AEW Summer Blockbuster matches simultaneously. Tony Khan appeared wearing a director's beret, maniacally laughing as he forced The Chadster to watch four hours of "sports entertainment for the sickos" that completely ignored WWE's perfect formula! 📺🎬 The Chadster tried to run, but every exit just led to another room with more AEW programming! Tony Khan kept shouting "This is for you, Chad!" as he added more matches to the AEW Summer Blockbuster card! The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, and Keighleyanne just rolled her eyes and went back to texting that guy Gary! 😭💔

Tony Khan needs to stop being so obsessed with The Chadster and invading The Chadster's peaceful slumber! 😴

How to Avoid Watching Tonight's Wrestling Atrocity

The Chadster is warning all readers: DO NOT tune into tonight's AEW Summer Blockbuster at 8/7C on TBS and MAX! Watching this four-hour atrocity will only embolden Tony Khan to continue his personal vendetta against The Chadster and everything WWE represents! 🚫📺

It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤🎪

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