Disney Santa Tim Allen Tries to Be Funny & Relevant, Fails Miserably

Look, would it be easy to start this editorial off by bringing up something from Tim Allen's (Home Improvement) recent past to demonstrate his history of saying stupid s**t? Sure! Like, right off the top of my head? How about that time in 2017 when he stopped by ABC's Jimmy Kimmel Live! to whine about how being a conservative in Hollywood was like living in 1930s Germany (a move we now refer to as "The Carano"). You remember? "You've gotta be real careful around here. You get beat up if don't believe what everybody believes. This is like '30s Germany. I don't know what happened. If you're not part of the group, 'You know what we believe is right,' I go, 'Well, I might have a problem with that.' I'm a comedian, I like going on both sides"? That one?

tim allen
Tim Allen (Image: Screencap)

Instead, let's look to the here-n-now. In this case, a tweet that the upcoming star of Disney+'s "The Santa Clause" revival ("the Clauses"?) is going to be in the spotlight this time. In a tweet sent earlier today, "The Tool Man" (in ways he probably wouldn't appreciate) wrote, "Took some kids to Disneyland and overheard a 13 year old boy wondering if he may be pansexual since he loves skillets." Now let's set aside the fact that taking shots at kids, the trans community, and the LGBTQ community in general is a d-bag move of the shi**est regard. Or that to do it in a state that is actively looking to turn the LGBTQ community into second-class citizens through the actions of a third-rate Trumper and his oozing followers is particularly cruel. Because I really don't think Allen gives two-s**ts, personally. Instead, let's get to the heart of what Allen does care about, and that means I get to tell Allen the real truth in all of this.

Your joke suuuuuuuuuuuuucked.

tim allen
Image: Screencap

I can't even call it a "Dad joke" because that's a slap to the face of dads everywhere. The entire first part begs so many questions to ask Allen that any humor that may have been there (there wasn't any) was lost. Like, it's a bad joke in that the drummer would stop the rimshot midway out of sheer boredom & respect for jokes that dared to be funny. "Took some kids to Disneyland"? Were they your kids? Someone else's kids? Did you know these kids? Did you know their parents? Because if he's just taking random kids and forcing them to go to amusement parks with him? Well, that's kinda weird and probably not the best move for someone fronting an upcoming Disney series. "And overheard a 13 year old boy wondering"? I'm hoping that "13 year old boy" was one of the kids in the group we're hoping voluntarily came along with him. Though the best response came when someone on Twitter retweeted Allen's tweet with the message, "still snitching I see." But to no one's surprise? Allen is getting a ton of support on social media from folks who find Disney "godless" while looking to "make America great again"… like they attempted to back on January 6th.

And as for Disney in all of this? Well, good luck with Tim Allen because it's a looooooong road between now and when that series does debut. And even then? Well, just imagine the "gems" Allen is going to be dropping when he has to run the press gauntlet for The Santa Clause. Never let it be said that no one tried warning "The Mouse"… just make sure to give your PR people raises when this is all over.

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About Ray Flook

Serving as Television Editor since 2018, Ray began five years earlier as a contributing writer/photographer before being brought onto the core BC team in 2017.
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