Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: recaps, wrestling, wwe smackdown

WWE SmackDown: Fatu Runs Wild, Gunther Attacks Cody, Sami Snaps

El Presidente reviews WWE SmackDown, where Jacob Fatu went on a rampage, Gunther choked out Cody, and Sami Zayn destroyed a Gingerbread Man!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your benevolent and devastatingly handsome El Presidente, reporting to you live from the secret sub-basement of my presidential palace, where I have just finished interrogating — I mean, interviewing — a CIA operative who tried to infiltrate my staff disguised as a pool boy! The fool didn't even know how to skim leaves, comrades. A dead giveaway! But enough about my domestic affairs, because last night's episode of WWE SmackDown emanated from the BOK Center in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and your favorite Latin American dictator-turned-wrestling-blogger watched every glorious minute! So pour yourself a strong drink (I recommend the rum from my private reserve, available exclusively to me) and let us dive into this episode of WWE SmackDown!

Cody Rhodes Opens SmackDown and Ricky Saints Debuts

The American Nightmare Cody Rhodes kicked off WWE SmackDown medically cleared and ready to rumble after that nasty Randy Orton punt — comrades, I have taken worse blows to the head from my own mother-in-law, and I do not even have a championship to show for it! Out came Ricky Saints for his SmackDown debut, looking every bit the young revolutionary I described in yesterday's preview. He challenged Cody to a non-title match later in the night, and Cody accepted because he is an honorable champion. This reminds me of when Fidel Castro challenged me to an exhibition chess match in 1998 — I accepted, lost in four moves, and immediately had my chess minister "reassigned" to a lighthouse on a remote island. Accountability, comrades!

Charlotte Flair vs. Jacy Jayne

Charlotte Flair had The Queen's signature Figure Eight locked in on Jacy Jayne, and victory seemed assured, but then Fallon Henley interfered to break the hold, and Jayne hit the Rolling Encore for the win! Fatal Influence then jumped Charlotte and Alexa Bliss like a CIA-funded coup d'état, but Rhea Ripley came running out to even the odds! Comrades, this Fatal Influence operation is so well-coordinated that I am considering hiring them to run my next election. The results, of course, are already determined, but the optics must be flawless!

The post-match brawl was a glorious spectacle of socialist solidarity (well, between Charlotte, Alexa, and Rhea anyway). The women's division on WWE SmackDown is on FIRE, comrades, and I do not say that lightly because I have personally set many things on fire in my time as supreme leader.

WWE Tag Team Championship Match: Damian Priest & R-Truth vs. Fraxiom

Damian Priest and R-Truth retained the WWE Tag Team Championship over Nathan Frazer and Axiom! Fraxiom pushed the champions to their limits, but Priest broke up Catapulto Inferno, hit South of Heaven on Frazer, and then dropped Axiom with a Razor's Edge for the win! Then, comrades, just when the celebration was about to begin, Solo Sikoa and Talla Tonga emerged from the shadows and laid out both teams! This Talla Tonga is a man-mountain, comrades. He reminds me of my personal bodyguard Esteban (different Esteban from my coup-attempting cousin — I have many Estebans on the payroll, it gets confusing).

Solo Sikoa Threatens Roman Reigns, The Usos, and Jacob Fatu

Solo Sikoa took to the microphone on WWE SmackDown and declared war on Roman Reigns, The Usos, and Jacob Fatu! This Bloodline saga has more factions than my last cabinet meeting, comrades. Then Talla Tonga attacked Jimmy Uso and Jey Uso for good measure! I have not seen family drama this intense since I tried to host a unified Christmas dinner for both of my ex-wives and my current mistress. Spoiler alert, comrades: the embassy chandelier did not survive!

Cody Rhodes vs. Ricky Saints

Cody Rhodes defeated Ricky Saints in a non-title match, but Saints got a tremendous showcase in his SmackDown in-ring debut, even targeting Cody's injured condition like a true tactician. Cody eventually countered and hit Cross Rhodes for the win. A star-making performance from Saints, comrades!

But then! Out came Gunther, the Ring General himself, who attacked Cody, locked in a sleeper, put him to sleep, and then locked in a SECOND sleeper for good measure before standing over the unconscious champion! Comrades, this is the kind of "make sure they stay down" energy I appreciate. Gunther conducts business the way I conduct mine — with brutal Austrian efficiency. I dated an Austrian once. She left me for a Swiss banker. The Swiss, comrades, are the worst kind of neutrals!

The Miz and Kit Wilson Attack Danhausen

The Miz appeared to take Danhausen under his wing as a mentor, but comrades, it was a SETUP! Miz and Kit Wilson jumped poor Danhausen and left him laid out! I should have seen this coming — The Miz has the energy of every CIA operative who has ever offered me "friendship" before trying to slip something into my mojito. Very nice, very evil, indeed!

Royce Keys vs. Angel

Royce Keys defeated Angel to continue his undefeated streak. Berto tried to interfere on Angel's behalf, but Keys overpowered them both and finished things off with the Ultimate Spinebuster. This Royce Keys is a beast, comrades, the kind of man I would draft into my elite presidential guard. Tall, strong, undefeated — much like my approval ratings (which are 99.7% as of last Tuesday, and the 0.3% have been "encouraged" to reconsider)!

Sami Zayn Attacks the Gingerbread Man

Comrades, I must report this with a heavy heart. Sami Zayn ATTACKED and TORE APART the beloved Gingerbread Man mascot of Trick Williams! This is the kind of psychological warfare that I admire professionally but condemn morally — it reminds me of the time the CIA replaced my pet macaw with an animatronic surveillance bird that recited classified information BACKWARDS. I caught on after three days because the real Pepito would never insult my mustache. Trick mourned the Gingerbread Man and granted Sami a United States Championship rematch at Backlash. Sami Zayn has gone full villain, comrades, and I am LOVING it!

WWE Women's Tag Team Championship Match: Paige & Brie Bella vs. Nia Jax & Lash Legend

Paige and Brie Bella retained the WWE Women's Tag Team Championship over Nia Jax and Lash Legend! Jax and Legend used their considerable power advantage, but Paige countered cleverly and Brie rolled up Jax for the three-count! A great showing from the champions on WWE SmackDown. This match reminded me of my own diplomatic strategy — when faced with overwhelming force, simply outsmart your opponent, then take a quick photo for the propaganda posters!

The Usos vs. Solo Sikoa & Talla Tonga

The main event of WWE SmackDown was supposed to be The Usos vs. Solo Sikoa and Talla Tonga, but Jacob Fatu had OTHER PLANS, comrades! Fatu interrupted the match and attacked EVERYONE — Jimmy, Jey, Solo, AND Talla Tonga! He put Talla Tonga THROUGH the announce table and stood tall to close the show, sending a message to Roman Reigns ahead of Backlash! Comrades, I have not seen a one-man wrecking crew this devastating since I sent my Minister of Demolition to "renovate" the offices of my political opposition. Jacob Fatu walking into Backlash with this kind of momentum should have Roman Reigns sleeping with one eye open — much like how I sleep every night, but for entirely different reasons (the CIA, the CIA, always the CIA)!

Overall, comrades, this was a strong episode of WWE SmackDown that built beautifully toward Backlash. The Bloodline saga is reaching a fever pitch, Gunther has put Cody Rhodes on notice, Fatal Influence continues their reign of terror, and Sami Zayn has crossed a line that no man should ever cross (the Gingerbread Man line). Until next time, comrades — viva la lucha libre, viva la revolución, and viva WWE SmackDown!

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