Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, wrestling

AEW Collision: Three Titles On The Line as Anna Jay Returns Tonight

Comrades, El Presidente previews tonight's AEW Collision from Peoria — three title matches, Anna Jay's contract drama, and CIA-grade chaos! Tune in!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your beloved El Presidente, reporting to you live from the gold-plated hot tub of my mountain fortress, where I have been soaking with a bottle of rum the size of a small child while my generals attempt to put down yet another CIA-backed uprising in the eastern provinces. But never mind those amateurs in Langley — we have wrestling to discuss! Tonight is AEW Collision, broadcasting live from Peoria, Illinois, and comrades, this is a stacked card with THREE championships on the line. Let us break it down together, shall we?

TNT Championship Match: Kevin Knight vs. HOOK

TNT Champion "The Jet" Kevin Knight has his hands full tonight when The Opps' HOOK comes calling for the TNT Title. Samoa Joe made clear on Dynamite that HOOK is walking out of Peoria as the new King of Television, but Knight has plenty of momentum after outsmarting MJF to retain the TNT Title earlier this week. Can Knight make it 2-for-2 heading into his AEW World Championship match with Darby Allin next week?

Comrades, Kevin Knight pulling a low blow and a small package on MJF? This is the kind of dirty politicking I respect! It reminds me of the time I "won" my fourth presidential election by 99.7% of the vote after my opponent mysteriously fell down an elevator shaft. But will Knight have anything left for HOOK? Samoa Joe has the energy of a man who has seen things, much like my old drinking buddy Manuel Noriega, who once told me over mojitos in Panama that the secret to power is letting your young lieutenant do the heavy lifting while you stand in the corner looking menacing. Joe has read the same playbook! With Knight facing Darby Allin for the AEW World Championship on AEW Dynamite in just four days, his focus is split — and a split focus is how you lose a country, comrades. Trust me on this.

AEW National Championship Match: Jack Perry vs. Máscara Dorada

The Jurassic Express rolls into Peoria tonight with another AEW National Championship match on Collision. "Jungle" Jack Perry has promised to be a fighting champion, and last week on Collision, Perry successfully defended against El Clon of the Don Callis Family in a hard-fought bout. Tonight, he'll face a different type of talented luchador in the electric Máscara Dorada.

Ahhh, Máscara Dorada! A masked man! Comrades, you know I have a deep respect for masks — I have worn many of them myself, mostly when fleeing the country during brief CIA-orchestrated coups before triumphantly returning two weeks later in a tank. Jack Perry calls himself "Jungle" Jack, but let me tell you about jungles. I once hid in a jungle for nine days after Hugo Chávez and I had a little misunderstanding about who was the better singer at karaoke. (It was me. Obviously.) Dorada's high-flying style is exactly the kind of unpredictable action that makes secret police nervous. I am rooting for the luchador on principle.

TBS Championship Match: Willow Nightingale vs. Anna Jay

Willow Nightingale looks to continue her impressive TBS Championship run tonight against the returning Anna Jay! Nightingale has welcomed all-comers and is living up to her nickname, "The Comeback Killer." After turning back Hikaru Shida, Queen Aminata and Kamille, who were all returning from extended absences, Nightingale has proven she can dismiss even the most motivated challengers.

NOW we get to the juicy intrigue, comrades! Anna Jay is returning for her first match since November, her contract is reportedly nearing its end, and the rumor mill is spinning faster than the propaganda machine I keep in my basement. Anna has publicly confirmed her deal is up but pushed back on whispers about WWE interest or booking frustrations. This match, comrades, is what we in the dictator business call "a loyalty test." If Willow Nightingale beats her in another notch on the Comeback Killer belt, the speculation will roar like a CIA helicopter buzzing my villa at 3 a.m. If Anna wins? AEW is sending a signal flare that she is part of the future. I have run enough sham elections to recognize a real one when I see it, and THIS, comrades, is a real one. I am riveted!

The Conglomeration in Trios Action

Orange Cassidy, Roderick Strong and Kyle O'Reilly of The Conglomeration are riding high as AEW World Trios Champions following their first successful title defense last week on Collision, turning away the Don Callis Family trio of Lance Archer, CMLL World Heavyweight Champion Hechicero and Andrade El Ídolo.

Orange Cassidy with his hands in his pockets is the most socialist wrestler in AEW, comrades. He puts in the bare minimum effort required by the collective and still produces excellence! This is the proletarian dream! With Cassidy and Dax Harwood set for a Double Jeopardy match on AEW Dynamite this week, tonight is the calm before the revolutionary storm. Roderick Strong and Kyle O'Reilly are the muscle. Every good revolution needs muscle. Ask Fidel Castro — he and I once shared a cigar the length of a baseball bat while discussing this very principle.

10-Man Tag: Death Riders & The Dogs vs. Top Flight & The Rascalz

The Dogs and Death Rider proved last week on Collision that they are a dangerous force, teaming to defeat the Young Bucks and The Rascalz in a wild 10-man tag team match. This week, The Rascalz get another shot at The Dogs and Death Riders, only this time, it'll be alongside Top Flight, who have had their own issues with the Death Riders in the past.

Ten men! In one match! This is more chaotic than my last cabinet meeting, where the Minister of Finance accused the Minister of Defense of being a CIA plant, who then accused the Minister of Agriculture, who then revealed he WAS a CIA plant and parachuted out the window. Jon Moxley and his Death Riders running roughshod over AEW reminds me of my own glorious reign — ruthless, bloody, and impossible to vote out. Will Top Flight and The Rascalz bring enough speed to topple the regime? Probably not. Regimes are hard to topple. I should know — they have tried 14 times.

Bang Bang Gang vs. Death Riders

A busy night for the Death Riders means more opportunities to hone their craft. However, Bang Bang Gang has no interest in being willing sparring partners. Austin just took on AEW International Champion "The Rainmaker" Kazuchika Okada in an impressive showing days ago on Dynamite, and Robinson welcomes any chance to throw the "Left Hand of God."

Juice Robinson's "Left Hand of God" is the kind of finisher I would have loved during my many post-coup public addresses. Just one mighty punch and the dissenters fall silent! Ace Austin hanging with Kazuchika Okada on AEW Dynamite showed me that this man has the spirit of a thousand revolutionaries. Wheeler Yuta and Daniel Garcia better tape up their ribs, comrades.

Skye Blue in Action

Last week on Collision, Blue and AEW Women's World Champion Thekla scored a tag team win over NJPW Strong Women's Champion Alex Windsor and CMLL World Women's Champion Persephone when Julia Hart used the black mist on Persephone to give Blue the opening for a Code Blue. Blue will look to spread more toxicity tonight in Peoria when she's in singles action.

Black mist! Cheating! Toxicity! Comrades, Skye Blue and Julia Hart are running a propaganda operation so dirty it would make my Minister of Information blush. I LOVE IT. Thekla's Women's World Championship reign is being protected by the kind of underhanded tactics that won me my first three terms in office. Skye Blue, if you are reading this — and I know you are, for I have spies everywhere — please consider a position in my administration when AEW is done with you.

Big thanks to AEW's official website for the preview material that fueled tonight's report, comrades.

So tune in to AEW Collision tonight at 8 p.m. ET on TNT and HBO Max, comrades! As for me, I shall be watching from my private blimp floating somewhere over international waters — out of CIA missile range, hopefully — sipping a 1962 vintage rum stolen from a deposed rival, while a string quartet of political prisoners plays my favorite wrestling theme songs on loop. AEW Collision deserves nothing less than presidential viewing conditions! Until next time, comrades — VIVA LA REVOLUCIÓN, and VIVA WRESTLING!

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