Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, standing guard outside a pre-school near the United States Capitol Building in case Matt Gaetz walks past. But my friends, the reason I am writing to you today is because I have right here a hot, steaming scoop of pro wrestling dirt sheet gossip, from the mouth […]
Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, here to kick off Bleeding Cool's live coverage of Impact Wrestling's No Surrender quasi-PPV, airing only for subscribers of Impact Plus. Chad McMahon and Jude Terror will be joining me for tonight's coverage. In the spirit of socialism, the posts will be evenly distributed to all, so each of us will cover three matches.
One day, El Presidente vows that the capitalist pigs who control the means of production at Bleeding Cool will die like dogs, but until that day comes, comrades, I must play their game and insert this SEO keyword-rich text into my article. But El Presidente shall have his revenge!
Emanating from Skyway Studios in Nashville, Tennessee, No Surrender is the second Impact Plus special of 2021 and features a lineup headlined by an Impact Championship match between champion Rich Swann and Tommy Dreamer. In a crossover with AEW, Impact Tag Team Champions The Good Brothers take on AEW stars Private Party and the team of Chris Sabin and James Storm. TJP faces Rohit Raju for the X-Division Championship. Hernandez and Brian Myers team up to take on Eddie Edwards and Matt Cardona. Daivari, Suicide, Willie Mack, Ace Austin, Trey Miguel, Chris Bey, Josh Alexander, and Blake Christian compete in a Triple Threat Revolver match. Fire N Flava defend the Knockouts Tag Team Championships against Havok and Nevaeh. (The Former Cody) Deaner faces his cousin Jake Something. Deonna Purrazzo, Kimber Lee, and Susan team up against Jordynne Grace, Jazz, and ODB. And Tenille Dashwood joins XXXL to take on Decay.
Impact No Surrender Results –
The PPV begins with a tribute video package celebrating the career of Tommy Dreamer, who turned 70 today. And comrades, he doesn't look a day over 65. He's doing… what's that, comrades? He's only 50. Oh. Well. Happy birthday, Tommy. Haw haw haw haw!
Dreamer arrives at the building and makes reference to Tom Brady pulling off a win over a younger quarterback. And everyone knows Tommy Dreamer is the Tom Brady of pro wrestling.
Tenille Dashwood and XXXL vs. Decay
Decay expanded to a trio last Tuesday when Black Taurus joined Rosemary and Crazzy Steve. Dashwood agreed to team up with XXXL because Larry D and Acey Romero don't want to hit a girl. Even so, rosemary tries to start the match off with Acey, prompting him to tag in Tenille. It doesn't go well for Tenille, comrades. Steve tags in and gets a shot with Larry D. Steve is outmatched, but Black Taurus is another story. He tags in and he's all over Romero with quickness unlikely for a bull his size.
The match goes on like that for a while comrades, with Kaleb on the outside getting involved when he can. Highlight of the whole thing: Acey powerbombs Tenille over the top rope onto everyone else in the match on the outside. Black Taurus gets the pin on Larry D to pick up the win for Decay.
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½
It was a fun opening match for No Surrender, comrades. I'm looking forward to seeing this new version of Decay continue.
Keep checking back throughout the night for more Impact Wrestling No Surrender coverage, and thanks for reading Bleeding Cool. Now I must hand off the baton to my colleague, Chad McMahon. Chad, El Presidente has just one question for you tonight, comrade: where is your wife? I haven't heard you talk about her lately, Chadster. Is everything okay? Haw haw haw haw! Until next time, comrades: socialism or death.