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El Presidente reviews ROH Supercard of Honor 2025 from his secret bunker. Shirakawa wins gold, Bandido retains, Athena still reigns, and socialism prevails in Texas!
Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: ROH Supercard of Honor, wrestling
ROH Supercard of Honor Review: A Triumph for Collective Action
El Presidente reviews ROH Supercard of Honor 2025 from his secret bunker. Shirakawa wins gold, Bandido retains, Athena still reigns, and socialism prevails in Texas!
Article Summary
- ROH Supercard of Honor 2025 delivers wrestling action fit for comrades and champions of the working class!
- Shirakawa wins interim gold, Bandido retains, and Athena crushes all, proving the superiority of collective effort.
- Technical masterpieces and fierce tag team battles ignite revolution—just the way El Presidente likes it, amigos!
- Capitalist interference fails as lucha libre and socialism triumph in Texas! Wrestling belongs to the people!
Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my secret bunker beneath the Esports Stadium Arlington, where I have been monitoring American wrestling activities for signs of capitalist propaganda! Last night's ROH Supercard of Honor kicked off AEW All In Weekend, and let me tell you, it was more explosive than the time Fidel Castro and I accidentally set off fireworks in the CIA's secret warehouse!
Before we get to the glorious main card, let me quickly dispatch with the Zero Hour pre-show results, much like how I dispatch CIA operatives who try to infiltrate my weekly poker games with Kim Jong-un. Blake Christian defeated Jay Lethal with the Vanilla Choke, Dark Order triumphed over the capitalist Frat House with a discus lariat, Diamante vanquished Lady Frost with a Cross Rhodes, and the Von Erichs defeated the Premiere Athletes via moonsault. Truly, these preliminary contests warmed up the crowd like a good socialist revolution warms the hearts of the working class!
Now, onto the main card, where the real action unfolded! First up, Hechicero faced Michael Oku in a technical masterpiece that reminded me of the time I tried to teach Vladimir Putin the finer points of lucha libre. Hechicero emerged victorious, proving that Mexican wrestling technique is superior to all others – something I've been telling the CIA for years!
In a thrilling four-way match for $50,000 (which could fund a small revolutionary army, I might add), AR Fox outlasted Adam Priest, Atlantis Jr., and Lee Johnson, securing victory with a Canadian Destroyer on Priest. The high-flying action was more breathtaking than my escape from American agents via hot air balloon last Tuesday!
Lee Moriarty successfully defended his Pure Wrestling Championship against the legendary Blue Panther, forcing a submission with an STF in the ropes. As the longest-reigning Pure Wrestling Champion, Moriarty has held that title longer than I've held onto my collection of confiscated CIA spy gadgets! The match showcased technical wrestling at its finest, though I must say, Blue Panther competing at his age reminds me of when Muammar Gaddafi insisted on wrestling me during his 70th birthday party.
The Sons of Texas retained their Tag Team Titles against the Infantry in a hard-fought battle that ended with a Swanton Bomb. Post-match shenanigans led to a challenge for an eight-man tag match, proving once again that collective action is the way forward – just like in a proper socialist state!
Nick Wayne kept his TV Title by defeating Titan with a brainbuster, thanks to interference from that capitalist scoundrel Kip Sabian. The Patriarchy's post-match celebration reminded me why I banned all wrestling factions that don't promote wealth redistribution in my country!
In a four-way scramble for the Interim Women's TV Title, Mina Shirakawa emerged victorious by making Miyu Yamashita tap to a figure four leglock. The fact that they need an "interim" champion while Red Velvet sits injured shows the failures of the American healthcare system – something that would never happen under socialized medicine!
Athena continued her unending reign as Women's Champion, forcing Thunder Rosa to submit to a bow and arrow. At this point, Athena has held that title longer than some of my cabinet ministers have held office (though to be fair, I do occasionally have them imprisoned for looking at me wrong).
Finally, in the main event that would make even Che Guevara rise from his grave to applaud, Bandido retained his World Championship against Konosuke Takeshita with a small package after nearly 30 minutes of incredible action! The match was so good, I nearly forgot to check my security cameras for CIA infiltrators!
Overall, comrades, ROH Supercard of Honor delivered wrestling action worthy of a state-sponsored celebration! The workers united to provide entertainment for the masses, proving once again that when we come together, beautiful things happen – just like socialism!
Stay tuned to Bleeding Cool this weekend, as the wrestling revolution continues! Today brings us AEW All In, NXT Great American Bash, and WWE Saturday Night's Main Event, while tomorrow features WWE Evolution. I'll be watching them all from various undisclosed locations while avoiding American intelligence agencies!
Until next time, remember: Wrestling is for the people, and the people deserve healthcare! Viva la lucha libre!
El Presidente has exited the bunker via secret tunnel to his next location
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