It takes all of about 30 seconds for The Mandalorian, the flagship offering on the newly launched Disney + streaming platform, to tell you exactly how much ass it's going to kick.
All of the ass. The Mandalorian is going to kick all of the ass. Then it's going to get in its starship, the Asskicker X-1000, and fly off to planet Asskicker, and kick some more.
I know the title says this is a spoiler review, but I promise, I'm not hear to spoil anything. There is way too much in just this pilot episode for me to even want to spoil.
The Mandalorian starts on some frozen hell planet, in a cantina, like Star Wars should. There's a mark there, and the titular Mandalorian (Pedro Pascal) shows up, kicks some ass, and takes his bounty. There are speeders, classic Star Wars aliens, and some walrus creature that likes to eat spaceships.
And that's the first five minutes. The soundtrack, which kicks ass, by the way, feels very Star Wars, and completely unlike Star Wars, in just about every way possible. It's everything I thought the Outer Rim would sound like, yet had no idea how much I would like.
There are things I refuse to spoil about The Mandalorian, since they kick so much ass. There are entire mountains of still shots from the pilot episode alone that cosplayers are going to rely on for generations to come, handed down with reverence.
I am a huge sucker for lore, especially Star Wars lore. Friends, there is so much lore here you could choke on it, but then you'll remember how much the pilot of The Mandalorian kicked ass, and you'll find a way to survive.
The Empire of The Mandalorian looks like it's had a rough go of it. You can tell, just by little touches in costuming, how badly the years since Endor have treated the last vestiges of the Imperial forces. And Werner Herzog as an Imperial Moff? Classic. Just classic. Herzog hires the Mandalorian to track down an elusive bounty, and the payment offered is something the bounty hunter can't turn down.
This leads to an epic hunt, a training montage, Nick FREAKING Nolte in the role of his lifetime, a gun fight between the Mandalorian, his robot buddy, and about a million scumbags— and a twist at the ending that I never saw coming.
Jon Favreau wrote the pilot episode of The Mandalorian, which was directed by Dave Filoni, who handles the transition to live action wonderfully. This first ever foray for Star Wars into the realm of live action television is just about everything I could have wanted, and I can't wait for more. I'll even wait a week.
That's it, folks. That's all you're getting from me. If this is what Disney + is going to offer up, I'm sold. Bring me more. My ass has been thoroughly kicked.