Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, recaps, wrestling

AEW Collision Review: Messages Sent and Received Saturday in Ohio

El Presidente reviews AEW Collision from Youngstown with championships defended, factions warring, and more violence than a CIA operation gone wrong!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my private screening room aboard my luxury yacht (currently anchored off the coast of Youngstown, Ohio, for reasons the CIA need not know about), and I have just finished watching last night's episode of AEW Collision! My beloved capybara Esteban and I settled in with some fine Cuban cigars and Venezuelan chocolate to witness what promises to be an exciting journey toward Summer Blockbuster and Forbidden Door. Let me tell you, comrades, AEW Collision delivered more twists and turns than the time I played chess with Kim Jong-un while Dennis Rodman refereed!

Divine Dominion Retains AEW Women's World Tag Team Championship

The show opened with Divine Dominion—that formidable team of Megan Bayne and Lena Kross—defending their AEW Women's World Tag Team Championship against TayJay (Tay Melo and Anna Jay). Now, comrades, TayJay put up a valiant fight worthy of revolutionary heroes storming the Winter Palace! They came close to victory multiple times, much like how I've come close to convincing Fidel Castro's ghost to join me for karaoke night (still working on that one). However, Bayne pulled off some classic capitalist trickery by interfering behind the referee's back—typical bourgeoisie behavior!—allowing Divine Dominion to hit the Divine Intervention on Anna Jay for the retention. In my experience dealing with covert CIA operations, I recognize underhanded tactics when I see them, but in professional wrestling, this is just good strategy, no?

Swerve Strickland vs. Brody King Preview

Collision then treated us to a video package hyping the upcoming clash between Swerve Strickland and Brody King at Summer Blockbuster. The stakes? The winner advances to face Will Ospreay in the Owen Hart Foundation Tournament Finals at Forbidden Door! This reminds me of the time I had to choose between Vladimir Putin and Alexander Lukashenko for my annual "Dictator of the Year" awards ceremony—both excellent choices, but only one can advance! The tension was palpable, comrades, and I suspect this match will be more explosive than the fireworks display I set off to celebrate nationalizing the telecommunications industry.

Don Callis Family Continues Their Reign of Terror

The Don Callis Family segment featured Jake Doyle and Lance Archer destroying innocent bystanders while Rocky Romero and Trent Beretta mocked Konosuke Takeshita. Ah, the classic "beat up random people to make a point" strategy! I employed similar tactics in the 1990s when dealing with… well, let's just say the CIA was involved and leave it at that. The Family is clearly moving on from Takeshita, with TNT Champion Kevin Knight now being presented as one of Callis' prized additions. This is like when I replaced my old chief of security with a younger, more ambitious colonel—nothing personal, just business!

Shane Taylor Calls Out Jon Moxley

Shane Taylor made quick work of Alan Angels with the Marcus Garvey Driver, then had the audacity to call out Jon Moxley and the Death Riders! Taylor declared that Shane Taylor Promotions would become the most violent group in AEW. Comrades, this is bold talk! It's like when I once told Muammar Gaddafi that my palace had better gold fixtures than his—you don't make such claims unless you can back them up!

Death Riders vs. Shane Taylor Promotions

The trios match between the Death Riders (Moxley, PAC, and Claudio Castagnoli) and Shane Taylor Promotions (Lee Moriarty, Shawn Dean, and Carlie Bravo) was chaos incarnate! The match featured more interference than a typical election in my country, with Daniel Garcia, Wheeler Yuta, Marina Shafir, Trish Adora, and Christyan XO all getting involved. PAC ultimately submitted Bravo with the Brutalizer, but this war is far from over. It's like the ongoing conflict between my regime and the CIA—victory in one battle doesn't mean the war is won!

Tommaso Ciampa Sends Message to Chris Jericho

Tommaso Ciampa defeated BEEF by submission with the Liontamer—yes, Chris Jericho's own move! The disrespect, comrades! Ciampa then continued his assault after the bell and forced poor Tony Schiavone to declare that Ciampa is better than Chris Jericho. This is the kind of psychological warfare I appreciate! It reminds me of when I forced the American ambassador to admit that my country's baseball team was superior. The "Psycho Killer" warned Jericho he's waiting, and I suspect Le Champion will not take this lying down.

Shane Taylor and Trish Adora Attack Wheeler Yuta

Backstage, Shane Taylor and Trish Adora took out Wheeler Yuta in a brutal attack. Taylor blamed Moxley for failing to protect Yuta—a leader must protect his people, comrades! I learned this lesson when my personal bodyguard failed to prevent Esteban from eating an entire buffet meant for visiting dignitaries. Taylor challenged Moxley to prove how nasty things can get in Cincinnati, setting up what promises to be a violent encounter on Dynamite.

Clark Connors Defeats Juice Robinson

Clark Connors defeated Juice Robinson in a match that featured classic capitalist pig tactics! Robinson fought off David Finlay at ringside and nearly had Connors beaten, but Finlay secretly hit Juice with the shillelagh—a move so underhanded it would make even the CIA blush! Connors followed with a spear to steal the victory. The Gunns and Ace Austin ran down to prevent The Dogs from inflicting further damage. This faction warfare reminds me of the complex political alliances I navigate daily—one must always watch their back!

TBS Championship Survival of the Fittest Preview

Collision showcased a video package highlighting the competitors for the TBS Championship Survival of the Fittest match: Hikaru Shida, Kris Statlander, Mina Shirakawa, Harley Cameron, Queen Aminata, and Zayda Steel. Six warriors, one opportunity! This is the kind of meritocracy I can support, comrades—may the best woman seize the means of championship production!

Jon Moxley Accepts Shane Taylor's Challenge

After Taylor's attack on Yuta, Moxley cut a backstage promo accepting Taylor's challenge for an AEW Continental Championship match on Dynamite. Moxley warned Taylor that he would discover Moxley is not who Taylor thinks he is. Ominous words, comrades! This is the kind of threat I issue to CIA operatives who underestimate El Presidente's resolve!

The Conglomeration Retains AEW World Trios Championship

The Conglomeration—Orange Cassidy, Kyle O'Reilly, and Roderick Strong—successfully defended their AEW World Trios Championship against La Facción Ingobernable (RUSH, Dralístico, and Sammy Guevara). Orange Cassidy, that master of appearing lazy while being devastatingly effective (much like how I govern), pinned Dralístico after an Orange Punch sequence. The Conglomeration continues their championship reign, proving that the workers united can defend their titles against all challengers!

The Dogs Challenge The Young Bucks

Backstage, David Finlay and Clark Connors dismissed The Young Bucks' claim to being next in line for the AEW World Tag Team Championship and challenged them to settle it at Summer Blockbuster. Ah, the audacity! This is like when I dismissed the American government's claims to moral authority and challenged them to a debate on international television. I respect The Dogs' confidence!

Orange Cassidy Accepts Andrade El Ídolo's Challenge

Rocky Romero and Trent Beretta interrupted The Conglomeration's celebration to deliver a challenge from Andrade El Ídolo for a match on Dynamite. Cassidy accepted, because what else would he do? The man is fearless! This reminds me of when I accepted a challenge from a rival dictator to see who could deliver a longer speech—I won by three hours, naturally, though, to be fair, everyone was asleep after the first 45 minutes so they had to take my word for it.

Hazuki Advances in Owen Hart Foundation Tournament

Hazuki defeated CMLL World Women's Champion Persephone with a La Magistral cradle to advance to the Owen Hart Foundation Women's Tournament semifinals, where she'll face Mercedes Moné on Dynamite in Houston. Persephone's eye issues from Julia Hart's mist continued to be a factor—biological warfare, comrades! The CIA has used similar tactics against me, though with considerably less success because one of my eyes is actually glass, and I change which one it is every two weeks as part of my security protocols.

Mercedes Moné Attacks Her Future Opponent to Close AEW Collision

After Hazuki's victory, Mercedes Moné attacked Persephone from behind with the Owen Cup trophy and locked her in the Statement Maker. When Hazuki returned to make the save, Moné attacked her too! Security separated them, but Hazuki dove through the ropes onto Moné as Collision went off the air. What a ending, comrades! This is the kind of pre-emptive strike I appreciate—why wait for your opponent to be at full strength when you can soften them up early? Moné is thinking like a true strategist!

And there you have it, comrades! AEW Collision delivered an action-packed show that has me excited for what's to come. The workers are seizing opportunities, factions are warring, and championships are being defended with honor (and sometimes with shillelaghs)!

Until next time, this is El Presidente signing off! Esteban and I must now attend to important state business—by which I mean watching the replay and eating more chocolate. Viva la revolución, and viva AEW Collision!

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