Posted in: Comics, Recent Updates | Tagged: Batman, bruce wayne, grant morrison, inc

What Superheroes Would Other Billionaires Fund?

Published Wed, 03 Nov 2010 20:00:43 -0500

Last updated Thu, 02 Dec 2010 08:14:51 -0600

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Okay, so billionaire Bruce Wayne has gone public as funding Batman and announcing an expansion of the Batman franchise across the world. But you know what billionaires are like: once one of them has a shiny new thing, they all want one.

Will anyone else get in on the action? Who would they pick? And why?

Bill Gates and Doctor Doom.

"Victor gets a lots of bad press but he's had an impact on lives all across the world. There have been accusations in the past of controversial activities to gain market dominance, but they are mostly from a rival company in New York who are currently going through their own downsizing operation. Microsoft have fixed a number of bugs that caused some minor atrocities, and all those anti-trust lawsuits have been dealt with. Permanently. We intend to ship Doctor Doom 8.0 worldwide under the Microsoft banner – a brand of which the Doom deal has actually improved public opinion. We expect no problems. Or no problems to be reported anyway."

Mark Zuckerberg and The Stepford Cuckoos.

"They're young, they're fresh, and they know everything about you. And its completely in the nature of the telepathic blonde protegees of Emma Frost to ditch whatever loyalties they have to Frost or other X-organisations to form a psychic brand of Facebook superhero. There will be promises of privacy settings on every Stepford Cuckoo you welcome into your neighbourhood but no one will believe them. Which is just the way they like it. And hey, they'll look good when Sorkin writes the sequel."

Steve Jobs and Aquaman.

"There are those who argue over the use of Aquaman. But doesn't he look great? Especially when swimming alongside dolphins. We love dolphins at Apple. And so will you. Despite all the jokes, you'll all want him to save you once he's got an Apple logo on his speedos."

Larry Ellison and Oracle.

"Actually we set this up two decades ago."

Richard Branson and Wonder Woman.

"To be honest, most of my money goes into funding research and development on her costume. The jackets will be rolling out across Virgin Air stewardesses over the next year. They'll all carry lassos as well, to restrain those naughty terrorist types. Far more elegant than an air marshal's handgun, no? And we've successfully lobbied for the Wonder Woman lasso not to be identified as an instrument of torture. For a start, it gets accurate results. Terribly useful for interviewing new staff as well. And next year we'll be rolling out our first fleet of invisible planes. Invisible apart from the logo, that is."