5 Reasons Alan Moore Should Be the Next Prime Minister of the UK

Alan Moore is a legend in the world of comic books, famous for such iconic works as Watchmen, V for Vendetta, and that one with the ejaculating fish demon that was published by the parent company of this website but which we're not allowed to post pages from in our articles. But we're starting to get the impression that maybe Alan Moore is tired of the comics industry, leaving us, like many comic book fans, to wonder: Alan Moore is from the UK… should he be the next prime minister? The answer is obviously yes, but if you're one of those political fence-sitters, we've got five talking points that will convince you, conveniently formatted as a listicle to meet a recent editorial mandate here at Bleeding Cool. So get ready for 5 Reasons Alan Moore Should Be the Next Prime Minister of the UK.

Alan Moore. Photo by: Fimb, CC BY 2.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0>, via Wikimedia Commons
Alan Moore. Photo by: Fimb, CC BY 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons

5. Alan Moore is a Citizen of the UK

One of the first requirements to be prime minister of the UK is that you have to be a citizen there. Luckily, Alan Moore had the foresight to be born in Northhampton, which Bleeding Cool can exclusively confirm is in the UK. As a result, Alan Moore is a UK citizen and therefore eligible to be prime minister. Clearly, Alan Moore has been planning his political ascent for some time.

4. Alan Moore is a Creative Visionary

Alan Moore is a true visionary. His work in comics was so innovative that decades after he disowned the industry, Marvel and DC are still digging through his trash bins like hungry, garbage-eating raccoons. Why not apply that same creative vision to leading the UK as the next Prime Minister?  Just think about how much better the country would be if its government had its own version of V for Vendetta.

3. Alan Moore is a Master of Words

From his comics to his screenplays to his prose to his interview responses eviscerating the comic book industry, Alan Moore is a man who knows how to string a few words together. Working in politics requires a lot of words. There are words in laws, words in diplomacy, words in political speeches… words are pretty much everywhere in politics. We don't know about you, but we'd feel pretty good placing the important task of leading the UK in the hands of a guy who penned the immortal dialog: "Hoorrd! Hhhoorrrd!" Tell us the last time you hear Boris Johnson say anything so eloquent.

2. Alan Moore is an Expert in Magick

This one is pretty self-explanatory. We all know that the UK could do with a little more magick right now, and there is no one better qualified than Alan Moore to provide it. As a wizard, Alan Moore could put his magickal powers to good use casting spells to improve the UK economy, lower heating and energy costs, and get people to actually like King Charles. Magick is an important part of UK history, with past leaders like Winston Churchill, David Bowie, Merlyn, and Doctor Who known for being accomplished magicians. Now it's time for another magickal prime minister: Alan Moore.

1. If He's Prime Minister, Maybe People Will Have Something Different to Ask Him About in Interviews Than How He Feels About the Modern Comic Book Industry for the Eighty-Skillionth Time

The most important reason Alan Moore should be the next prime minister of the UK is that maybe then reporters would stop asking him the same god damn question in every interview. We're all familiar with the cycle. Every time Alan Moore does an interview, no matter the subject, the interviewer, either a clueless idiot, a shameless clickmonger, or both, asks about Moore's relationship with the comics industry, even though his stance on the whole thing is perhaps the most established canon in all of comics. Next, Moore responds with a scathing takedown, as he always does. And then the interview gets published, and within ten minutes, every pop culture website on the internet has recycled it into their own clickbait. Then, disgruntled fans take to that same internet to complain about how Alan Moore is always trashing the comics industry, as if he's the one bringing it up in the first place.

It's a vicious cycle and one that we hope becoming prime minister of the UK can remedy. It's not that Alan Moore isn't right about the comics industry. He's 100% spot on in everything he says, especially when mocking JJ Lindelof or whatever that dumbass from LOST who made the unauthorized Watchmen sequel for HBO is. Seriously, that guy is a tool. But it's just a waste of everyone's time to make Moore recite the same criticisms he's been making for decades just to generate clickbait for a website. Look, we've generated perfectly good Alan Moore clickbait right here in this post and we didn't have to ask him anything! The point is, if Alan Moore is the political leader of the UK, reporters would feel pretty silly asking him if he's still mad about that whole Watchmen thing. We'd much rather hear Alan Moore's thoughts on how Vladimir Putin probably still reads superhero comics and that's why he's such a fascist dickhole today.

So go ahead, citizens of the UK. Make Alan Moore the next prime minister of the UK, however it is you people do that over there. Election? Trial by combat? Whatever it is, just get it done, because we need Alan Moore to be the prime minister of the UK, like, yesterday! So the next time you're at the ballot box or jousting competition or wherever, remember Alan Moore, and remember these important words: Hoorrd! Hhhoorrrd!

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Jude TerrorAbout Jude Terror

A prophecy claims that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero would come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events. Unfortunately, nobody can tell when the comics industry has reached its "darkest days" because it somehow keeps finding new lows to sink to. No matter! Jude Terror stands vigilant, bringing the snarkiest of comic book and pro wrestling clickbait to the undeserving readers of Bleeding Cool.
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