DCComics.com Writer Pens 1100 Word Batman: Damned Review Without Once Mentioning Batpenis

Since Batman: Damned #1 hit stores on Wednesday, all anyone has been able to talk about is the long-awaited reveal of Batman's penis in a mature readers comic. Even when not talking about the batpenis itself, people have questioned DC's decision to censor it digitally and in future print versions. What is DC trying to say? Is Batman meant to be a eunuch?

DCComics.com Writer Pens 1100 Word Batman: Damned Review Without Once Mentioning Batpenis

But at least one site managed to produce a critical analysis of Batman: Damned #1 without bringing up Batman's penis even once. That site, of course, was DCComics.com, where in-house writer Tim Beedle, presumably under strict corporate orders and possibly with Dan Didio standing behind him and cracking his knuckles menacingly, somehow turned in more than 1100 words about the issue without ever mentioning the full frontal bat-nudity.

Sure, Beedle came close while describing the book's "thick" and "embossed" cover…

We'd been told DC Black Label would offer mature reader, standalone stories free of continuity. But when Batman: Damned first showed up on my desk, it took me a while to even process what I was looking at. Damned is published at 8.5" by 10.875". That's about a half an inch taller than a traditional American comic and considerably wider. The cover stock is thicker and embossed. Constantine's narration is free of caption boxes, uses traditional upper and lowercase and is lettered in an eerie-looking font. It doesn't exactly reinvent the wheel, but it makes you wonder why the wheel always has to be the same damn size and color.

But there is nary a mention of the one thing everyone is talking about, the only reason, really, that anyone is talking about the comic at all: the goddamn batpenis. Tim Beedle, we commend you, sir. You may not be the hero comics "journalism" deserves, but you're the one it needs right now.

Read Tim's full review here.


About Jude Terror

A prophecy once said that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero would come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events. Sadly, that prophecy was wrong. Oh, Jude Terror was right. For ten years. About everything. But nobody listened. And so, Jude Terror has moved on to a more important mission: turning Bleeding Cool into a pro wrestling dirt sheet!
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