Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Preview: Tony Khan Beach Breaking Bad

The Chadster is cheesed off about AEW Dynamite: Beach Break! Tony Khan's geography-defying show proves he doesn't understand wrestling or The Chadster's sanity!

The Chadster is absolutely cheesed off right now, and it's all thanks to Tony Khan and his obsession with ruining The Chadster's life! 😡😤 Tonight, AEW Dynamite is putting on another one of their so-called "special" episodes, this time called "Beach Break." But get this – it's taking place in Chicago! 🏙️🌊 Auughh man! So unfair! Does Tony Khan not understand basic geography? Chicago is in the Midwest, not on a beach! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it.

But The Chadster shouldn't be surprised by Tony Khan's blatant disregard for reality at this point. After all, this is the same man who's been tormenting The Chadster for months now. 😰 Just last night, The Chadster had another one of those terrifying nightmares about Tony Khan. In this one, The Chadster was innocently driving his Mazda Miata along Lake Michigan, enjoying some Smash Mouth on the radio, when suddenly Tony Khan appeared in the passenger seat! 😱 He was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and sunglasses, cackling maniacally as he steered the car straight into the lake! The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, and Keighleyanne just rolled her eyes and went back to texting that guy Gary. Tony Khan has even invaded The Chadster's dreams now! When will his obsession end?!

But let's talk about this travesty of an AEW Dynamite episode that Tony Khan has the audacity to air tonight. 🙄 First up, in the Owen Hart tournament, we've got Pac facing Bryan Danielson. Oh boy, two guys who literally stabbed Triple H right in the back, competing in a tournament named after a WWE legend! 🗡️ The Chadster bets Owen Hart is rolling in his grave knowing that AEW, not WWE, is hosting this tournament. It's just so disrespectful!

Then we've got Willow Nightingale taking on Kris Statlander in another tournament match. 🤼‍♀️ Tony Khan is putting two rivals against each other in a tournament, completely wasting a potential storyline! It's like he doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. In WWE, they know how to properly build rivalries and save big matches for pay-per-views. But not Tony Khan, oh no! He just throws matches together willy-nilly!

And don't even get The Chadster started on Jeff Jarrett facing a mystery opponent selected by the Young Bucks. 🎭 Talk about an abuse of power! The Chadster would never see this kind of nepotism in WWE, except when it actually makes sense and is cool.

The show will also feature Britt Baker's AEW Dynamite return. 🦷 Big whoop! She just returned at Forbidden Door last weekend. Tony Khan clearly doesn't understand the concept of building anticipation. And speaking of Forbidden Door, now Mercedes Moné is celebrating holding two belts? 🏆🏆 How many championships does one person need? You'd never see this in WWE, except with Roman Reigns, when it was actually cool and made sense.

To top it all off, Will Ospreay is facing Daniel Garcia in what's sure to be a spotfest that'll have AEW's fanbase drooling. 🤸‍♂️ It's pure pandering, and The Chadster is sick of it! And if MJF gets involved, well, that's just sad. He could have been such a great lower midcard guy if he had the guts to sign with WWE instead of sticking with AEW. 😔

The Chadster is so upset about all of this that he's already thrown three White Claws at the TV, and AEW Dynamite hasn't even started yet! 🍹💥 When The Chadster asked Keighleyanne to clean up the mess, she just sighed and said, "Chad, you need to take responsibility for your actions. This isn't Tony Khan's fault." Can you believe it? Tony Khan has even turned The Chadster's own wife against him! 💔

The Chadster implores all true wrestling fans not to tune into AEW Dynamite tonight at 8/7C on TBS. 📺❌ Every viewer only emboldens Tony Khan and his relentless crusade against The Chadster and everything that's good and pure about professional wrestling. Instead, why not rewatch some classic WWE matches? Now that's real wrestling! 💪🏆

In conclusion, The Chadster wants to remind everyone that he's one of the only unbiased journalists in wrestling. Unlike those AEW shills, The Chadster tells it like it is. Maybe The Chadster should start an Unbiased Journalism Club with Ryan Satin, Ariel Helwani, and Mike Coppinger. The Chadster wonders if they also suffer torment from Tony Khan for their commitment to objective journalism. 🤔📝 It's a heavy burden to bear, but someone has to do it. Auughh man! So unfair!

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