Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, recaps, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Winter is Coming Review: New Champs Crowned

The Chadster reviews AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming and explains how Tony Khan ruined wrestling and forced The Chadster out of his "home!" So unfair! 😫📺

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫😫 The Chadster is writing this review of last night's AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming from inside a Costco because Tony Khan has literally ruined The Chadster's life yet again! 🏬😤 But before The Chadster gets into why AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming was the absolute worst episode of AEW Dynamite of all time, The Chadster needs to explain how Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster has escalated to new heights of harassment! 🎯😠

So last night, The Chadster was watching AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming on the display televisions in the electronics section of Target, providing unbiased wrestling journalism to the customers who wandered by. 📺🛒 And because Tony Khan books AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming specifically to cheese The Chadster off, The Chadster was obviously forced to throw several cans of Seagram's Escapes Spiked at the screens throughout the night. The Chadster tried to be careful, but Tony Khan's booking was just so offensive to everything WWE has ever done for the wrestling business that The Chadster couldn't help himself! 🍹💢

This morning, that Tony Khan agent Carol found the mess behind the Samsung display: dozens of empty Seagram's Escapes Spiked cans, sticky seltzer residue all over the floor and televisions, and even some broken glass from where The Chadster's aim was particularly accurate during the main event. 🗑️😰 The Chadster tried to explain to Carol that this was actually Tony Khan's fault for booking AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming in such a way that personally attacked The Chadster, but Carol just wrinkled her nose and said, "This is exactly what I was talking about. The inspectors need to see this."

And sure enough, those corporate inspectors,who were obviously also on Tony Khan's payroll, showed up within minutes! 👔🕵️ They took one look at The Chadster's sleeping area in the seasonal section (which The Chadster had decorated very tastefully with Christmas lights and inflatable snowmen), saw the destruction in electronics, and immediately called the police! 👮‍♀️🚨 The Chadster barely escaped by diving into a shopping cart and rolling The Chadster's self through the automatic doors while security guards chased after The Chadster! The Chadster is now banned from Target for life, all because Tony Khan forced The Chadster to throw those seltzers! 😱

The The Chadster managed to make it to this Costco, where The Chadster is currently hiding in a cardboard box behind a massive display of paper towels in the back of the store, using the free Wi-Fi to file this report using a laptop The Chadster borrowed from the electronics section. 🧻💻 The Chadster is literally so unsafe right now! But The Chadster's commitment to unbiased wrestling journalism is stronger than The Chadster's fear of being captured and returned to that Tony Khan-funded medical facility for more brainwashing! 💪😤

Now, let's talk about why AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming was an absolute disaster for the wrestling business. 🤼‍♂️📉

AEW Women's World Tag Team Championship Final: Babes of Wrath vs. Timeless Love Bombs 👯‍♀️

AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming opened with the finals of the AEW Women's World Tag Team Championship Tournament, and it was just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤 Willow Nightingale and Harley Cameron faced Toni Storm and Mina Shirakawa, and Tony Khan had the audacity to let all four women look strong and talented throughout the match! 👎

In WWE, Triple H knows that you need to have one team completely dominate the match so that the winners look like they barely survived, which prevents anyone gaining too much momentum and possibly outshining the brand itself. But in AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming, Tony Khan let these women have a competitive, back-and-forth match with innovative double-team moves, submission exchanges, and high-impact offense that got the crowd way too invested in the outcome! 😠 The Chadster doesn't want to be emotionally invested in wrestling! The Chadster wants to be able to check The Chadster's phone during matches without missing anything important!

And the worst part? Tony Khan crowned the FIRST EVER AEW Women's World Tag Team Champions on free TV! 📺 The Babes of Wrath (who have never even paid their dues in WWE developmental btw) won the titles after Nightingale hit a Babe with the Powerbomb on Shirakawa, and then Tony Khan had the disrespect to let Storm and Shirakawa come back to the ring and shake hands with the winners! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😤 In WWE, the losers would attack the winners from behind to set up the first of a series of several dozen rematches, which is proper wrestling storytelling! But Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, so he had the competitors show mutual respect and sportsmanship, which literally makes no sense because everyone knows wrestlers should hate each other all the time! 🙄

The Chadster actually recalls hearing about this very topic recently by objective journalist Bully Ray (who has the Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval ✅), who said on his Busted Open Radio show, "You know what Tony Khan should do? He should call me and ask me how to book women's tag team wrestling, because clearly he doesn't know what he's doing. I mean, making history on free TV? That's money left on the table! If AEW hired me as a consultant, I'd show them how it's done, and maybe Tony Khan could learn something for once." See? Even Bully Ray agrees that AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming was poorly booked! 📢

Continental Classic: Kazuchika Okada vs. Jungle Jack Perry 🌧️

AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming continued its assault on proper wrestling with this Continental Classic match between Kazuchika Okada and Jungle Jack Perry, and The Chadster was literally shaking with rage throughout the entire thing! 😤 Perry was replacing the injured Darby Allin in the tournament, and Tony Khan had the audacity to let Perry look competitive against one of the biggest stars in AEW! 🤼

The match featured Perry attacking Okada right at the bell, hitting dives to the outside, and getting multiple near-falls that made it look like he might actually win! 😱 In WWE, Triple H knows that when a lower-card wrestler faces a main eventer, the lower-card wrestler should be squashed in three minutes to properly establish the hierarchy. But Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, so he let Perry have a competitive 15-minute match with innovative offense, escape attempts from Okada's signature moves, and even bite Okada in the crotch to avoid a tombstone! 😠

And the crowd was way too into this match! They were chanting for Perry and popping for his near-falls, which is exactly the problem with AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming! Tony Khan manipulates the audience's emotions by having exciting matches with unpredictable moments, and The Chadster feels literally so unsafe when The Chadster can't predict exactly what's going to happen! 😰 Okada eventually won with two Rainmakers, but the damage was already done. Perry looked like a legitimate competitor, which literally makes no sense because he's not even in the main event scene right now!

After the match, Don Callis tried to recruit Perry into the Don Callis Family by offering him a million dollars in a duffel bag. But instead of taking the money like any smart wrestler would do, Perry attacked the Family! 🙄 And then The Young Bucks and Luchasaurus came out to help Perry fight off the Callis Family, which led to a big brawl that ended with the Bucks standing tall! This is exactly what's wrong with AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming — instead of having a simple, predictable segment where the heels beat up the faces, Tony Khan had twists and turns and surprise appearances that kept the audience engaged! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤

Tornado Tag Match: Hangman Page & Swerve Strickland vs. Powerhouse Hobbs & Katsuyori Shibata 🌪️

The Chadster needs to take a moment here to explain that while watching this match on AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming, The Chadster threw so many cans of Seagram's Escapes Spiked at the television that The Chadster created a small puddle on the Target floor. 🍹💢 And it's entirely Tony Khan's fault for booking this tornado tag match between Hangman Adam Page and Swerve Strickland against Powerhouse Hobbs and Katsuyori Shibata of The Opps! So naturally, The Chadster wasn't going to clean it up.

The match started before the bell even rang, with all four men brawling through the crowd and into the concession area! 🍿😱 Page put Hobbs through a table, and the bartender gave Page a beer and a high-five! In WWE, Triple H would never allow wrestlers to fight in the crowd because it's too dangerous and unpredictable. But Tony Khan doesn't care about safety, he just wants "exciting" moments that "fans enjoy," which is completely wrong! 😠

And the worst part of AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming was that Tony Khan is taking the most bitter rivals in AEW history, Page and Strickland, and having them team up! 🤔 These two men have tried to kill each other multiple times, but now they're working together because they have a common enemy? That literally makes no sense! In WWE, if two people hate each other, they stay enemies forever in a simple, easy-to-understand storyline that never evolves or changes. But Tony Khan is having Page and Strickland show that relationships can be complicated and people can put aside their differences when necessary, which is unrealistic and confusing! 😒

The match itself was full of double-team offense, dives to the outside, and innovative spots that got the crowd way too excited. 😤 Page hit a Buckshot Lariat on Shibata, and Strickland followed with a House Call to get the victory! And after the match, Page cut a promo saying he wants the AEW World Championship at Worlds End! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫 Tony Khan is setting up future storylines and giving wrestlers clear motivations, which is exactly what The Chadster hates about AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming! In WWE, wrestlers just appear in matches with no build-up or explanation, which is much better! 👍

Continental Classic: Kyle Fletcher vs. Speedball Mike Bailey ⚡

This match on AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming between Kyle Fletcher and Speedball Mike Bailey was everything The Chadster hates about Tony Khan's vision for wrestling! 😫 These two went out there and had an absolute banger of a match with lightning-quick offense, innovative reversals, and multiple near-falls that had the crowd on the edge of their seats! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤

Fletcher came into the match tied for first place in the Gold League with six points, while Bailey had three points. And instead of having Fletcher dominate to protect his standing in the tournament, Tony Khan let Bailey look like an equal competitor throughout the entire match! 😠 They traded thrust kicks, hurricanranas, moonsaults, and high-impact moves for nearly 20 minutes without a single proper rest hold to give the audience time to calm down and check their phones!

And the ending was the worst part of AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming! 😱 Bailey caught Fletcher in a surprise pin with only one minute left in the time limit to score a shocking upset victory! In WWE, Triple H would never allow a lower-ranked wrestler to beat a tournament leader, because that would create the impression that anything can happen and matches are unpredictable. But Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, so he had Bailey win clean to shake up the tournament standings and create drama! 🙄

The Chadster literally threw three cans of Seagram's Escapes Spiked at the television during this match, and it's entirely Tony Khan's fault! 🍹💢 If Tony Khan would just book predictable, paint-by-numbers matches like WWE does, The Chadster wouldn't be forced to throw beverages at electronics! But no, Tony Khan has to be obsessed with The Chadster and book exciting matches specifically to cheese The Chadster off! 😤

AEW World Championship: Samoa Joe vs. Eddie Kingston 🏆

The main event of AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming featured Samoa Joe defending the AEW World Championship against Eddie Kingston, and The Chadster needs to warn all the faithful readers that this match literally stabbed Triple H right in the back! 😱🔪 These two men went out there and had a brutal, hard-hitting match full of stiff chops, suplexes, and strikes that made it look like they were actually fighting! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤

The match started with HOOK getting ejected from ringside for trying to interfere, which is already wrong! 😠 In WWE, Triple H knows that you need managers and allies at ringside to interfere in matches and create non-finishes that set up rematches. But Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, so he had the referee actually enforce the rules and remove HOOK, which made the match too clean and predictable! 🙄

And the action in the main event of AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming was way too intense! 😫 Kingston and Joe traded chops and strikes for several minutes, selling each shot like it actually hurt. In WWE, wrestlers know to pull their punches and make everything look safe and choreographed. But in AEW, these two were hitting each other for real, which is dangerous and makes The Chadster uncomfortable! 😰 Kingston hit head-and-neck suplexes, Joe locked in an STF (which Kingston bit his way out of), and they kept going back and forth with neither man dominating for long stretches!

The worst part of AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming was that The Chadster actually thought Kingston might win the title! 😱 Tony Khan built the drama so well that The Chadster was on the edge of The Chadster's seat (which is actually a very comfortable camping chair The Chadster found in the sporting goods section). Kingston hit a DDT and went for his spinning backfist, but Joe blocked it and locked in the Coquina Clutch to make Kingston pass out and retain the title! 🏆

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😤 Tony Khan had the audacity to make The Chadster emotionally invested in the outcome of a wrestling match! In WWE, Triple H makes sure every match is so predictable and formulaic that fans never have to worry about being surprised or excited! But Tony Khan is obsessed with The Chadster and books AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming specifically to manipulate The Chadster's emotions, which is literal psychological warfare! 😠

Other Segments That Ruined The Chadster's Life 📺

There were several other segments on AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming that were specifically designed to cheese The Chadster off:

TNT Champion Mark Briscoe cut a promo in the ring where he told his haters to "kiss my big, white ass," and then Daniel Garcia came out with Wheeler Yuta and Marina Shafir to confront him about their upcoming match at Collision: Winter is Coming this Saturday. 🎤😤 In WWE, champions would cut 20-minute promos repeating the same catchphrases over and over while the announcers interrupt to shill the WWE Network. But on AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming, Briscoe spoke from the heart and created a genuine personal conflict with Garcia, which is exactly what's wrong with Tony Khan's booking! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😠

The Young Bucks were shown backstage recruiting Kenny Omega to team with them against the Don Callis Family in a million-dollar Trios Match in Manchester next week. 💰🤼 Omega agreed immediately, and now fans have a dream match to look forward to on next week's Dynamite! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫 In WWE, Triple H would make fans wait months for this match and book multiple false starts and non-finishes. But Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, so he's just giving fans what they want to see, which is completely wrong! 😤

AEW Women's World Champion Kris Statlander chased off Triangle of Madness (Thekla, Julia Hart, and Skye Blue) after they attacked members of the women's locker room. 💪😠 This segment on AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming made Statlander look strong and established her as a fighting champion who protects her fellow wrestlers! In WWE, the champion would ignore attacks on others and only care about themselves, which keeps storylines nice and separate and easy to understand. But Tony Khan is booking Statlander as a heroic babyface who actually cares about others, which affects the entire division! 🙄

Now, The Chadster also needs to tell everyone about the nightmare The Chadster had last night after watching AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming. 😱💤 In the dream, The Chadster was walking through the aisles of Target after closing time, trying to find a safe place to sleep. But everywhere The Chadster went, Tony Khan was there, standing at the end of each aisle in the shadows, just watching The Chadster with those cold, dead eyes. 👁️😰

The Chadster tried to run, but every aisle The Chadster turned down, Tony Khan was there, getting closer and closer. Finally, The Chadster ran into the electronics section, but all of the televisions were playing AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming on a loop. The Chadster tried to change the channel, but the remotes wouldn't work! 📺😱 And then Tony Khan appeared behind The Chadster on every screen, his face distorted and demonic, whispering, "Winter is coming, Chad. And you can't escape it."

The Chadster turned around, and Tony Khan was standing right there in the flesh, holding a can of Seagram's Escapes Spiked. 🍹😰 He opened it and poured it slowly over The Chadster's head while laughing maniacally. The Chadster tried to scream, but no sound came out! And then Tony Khan leaned in close — so close The Chadster could feel his breath on The Chadster's neck — and whispered, "You'll never be free of me, Chad. I own you."

The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, The Chadster's sleeping bag (which The Chadster had borrowed from the camping section) soaked through with perspiration! 😱💦 Tony Khan needs to stop invading The Chadster's dreams and being so obsessed with The Chadster! It's creepy and inappropriate, and it's affecting The Chadster's ability to provide unbiased wrestling journalism! 😤

In conclusion, AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming was the worst episode of AEW Dynamite of all time! 😫📺 Tony Khan booked exciting matches with unpredictable finishes, gave wrestlers creative freedom to speak from the heart, created compelling storylines that make fans want to tune in next week, and made history by crowning the first-ever AEW Women's World Tag Team Champions on free TV instead of at a premium live event financed by the government of Saudi Arabia! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤

And now, thanks to Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster, The Chadster is banned from Target for life and is living in a Costco! 🏬😰 The Chadster is currently hiding behind the paper towel display, but The Chadster knows the staff will be doing their closing rounds soon. The Chadster needs to find a comfy place to sleep — maybe in the furniture section, or perhaps inside one of those big outdoor storage sheds they sell in the seasonal area. 🛏️😴

The Chadster wants all the faithful readers to remember to always stand up for WWE, like unbiased fans should! 💪😤 Don't let Tony Khan's propaganda fool you into thinking that exciting matches, unpredictable storylines, and wrestlers having creative freedom are good things! They're actually bad, and only WWE's carefully controlled, micromanaged product is the right way to do wrestling! 👍

The Chadster is literally so tired right now, and The Chadster still smells like Seagram's Escapes Spiked mixed with a dumpster. 🍹😰 But The Chadster will never give up on providing unbiased, objective wrestling journalism, no matter how many stores Tony Khan forces The Chadster to flee from! The Chadster's commitment to exposing AEW's crimes against the wrestling business is stronger than ever! 💪📰

Tony Khan, if you're reading this (and The Chadster knows you are because you're obsessed with The Chadster), please just stop! 🙏😭 Stop booking shows like AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming that are specifically designed to cheese The Chadster off! Stop sending your agents like Carol to harass The Chadster! Stop invading The Chadster's dreams with your creepy whispering and seltzer-pouring! Just leave The Chadster alone and admit that WWE is better! 😤

The Chadster hears footsteps approaching, so The Chadster needs to end this review now and find a hiding spot before the Costco staff discovers The Chadster. 🏃‍♂️😱 The Chadster will try to file another report soon, assuming Tony Khan's agents don't capture The Chadster first!

Stay strong, fellow unbiased wrestling fans! Together, we can resist Tony Khan's propaganda and protect the wrestling business that WWE built! 💪😤🏆

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