In a horrific and dark Easter episode of NBC's Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Diaz (Stephanie Beatriz) must cut off her partner's hand in order to retrieve some valuable gems. Instead of little surprises found in eggs hidden in various places of the precinct, the crew of "The Nine-Nine" celebrate "Valloweaster" by hiding treasure in human and animal esophagi. Hearts are shattered, privacies invaded, and a dog is conditioned to love ham. Poor Cheddar's ego is bruised in the process, driving him to overcompensate by overeating. So let the "Halloween Heist" begin, but wait. I thought this was an Easter episode? So who at "The Nine-Nine" has amazing human genes? Through the smoke, cheddar, and a little bit of anima, the three teams compete to steal the gems back and claim victory of "The Infinity Gobbler."
Jake (Andy Samberg) partners up with Holt (Andre Braugher), while Amy (Melissa Fumero) is handcuffed to Boyle (Joe Lo Truglio) and Rosa (poor Rosa) gets the pleasure of spending most of the heist listening to Scully (Joel McKinnon Miller) taking a dump. Clearly crime sleeps in their district since they have so much time to play games, show off their wits, and sabotage each other. Probably one of the most passive, underlying comedic undertones of this episode was Amy admitting that she signed Jake up to see a fake therapist so she can spy on his sessions without it being illegal, just one of the "subtle-as-a-sledgehammer" aspects that I love so much about Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Fast forward to the continuation of the "not-Halloween Heist", as Cheddar cut things short by swallowing the gems. Our three teams try again, only this time Scully eats the gems in a flower swarm frenzy. There are roses, tulips, carnations, lilies, and other hideous bouquets of I don't really know what and somehow they end up jammed in his throat. Scully is urged by the doctor to never play again, or rather never really move off his couch. Diaz is left partnerless, or is she?
In the final round of the "not-Halloween Heist," Diaz wins by cutting off the hand of her partner. No, not Scully. We're talking a file cabinet. Brilliant. Shackled in the bathroom, she proves to the rest just how brilliant she is. The crew of "The Nine-Nine" are very determined and patient, to say the least. Diaz actually won three times: she had the real gems since the first round and conditioned both Cheddar and Skully for months to love ham and swallow the gems. She also eavesdrops on Jake's therapy sessions for extra intel on the competition. In the end, the team reluctantly celebrates her victory through beer and hostile remarks, exactly the kind of passive-aggressive display of familial love we've come to expect. The long-running sitcom continues to amaze me with how it's able to convey the beauty of human relationships, cons, and anarchy in such a wonderfully comedic manner, resulting in quality episodes like "Valloweaster."