He's Back! Holt (Andre Braugher) returns to his throne as captain on this week's Brooklyn Nine-Nine – and wreaks havoc on poor Terry (Terry Crews) as he streamlines his castle to its original condition. With the help of Diaz (Stephanie Beatriz), "perfection" wouldn't be a strong enough word – except for one itsy-bitsy thing, a business card with the perfect pink shade of gum stuck to it, que a hilarious and tedious process of matching card to gum.
Santiago (Melissa Fumero) blesses Hitchcock (Dirk Blocker) and Scully (Joel McKinnon Miller) with a pizza-making vending machine, while Jake (Andy Samberg) sets off on a high life bachelor party adventure – even Mark Cuban makes a special guest appearance (shocking Jake didn't try to cell him on a business idea).
Doug Judy (Craig Robinson), best known as "The Pontiac Bandit" and Jake's friend/foe, guest stars – and he forgot to invite Peralta to his wedding.
Oh hell no.
Jake orchestrates a plan to infiltrate and get invited to Doug's bachelor party in Miami, private jet and all. The trip goes seriously south, think "The Birdcage meets Oceans 11": fedoras in toe, a heist emerges – except the stolen merchandise needs to be put back… not stolen. Essentially, a reverse heist. An intricate plan and one that leads Jake to "best man" status – after all of poor Judy's friends are arrested by Jake.
A very monumental decision is being made at "The Nine-Nine", what type of vending machine will be put in? Regular snacks, healthy foods, or pizza. Who can every say no to pizza, not even Santiago who folds and grants Hitchcok and Scully their choice. Unfortunately, the machine blows up and knocks out the power on the first day, and… well… they now have a comfortable place to stand – and if you hit the neighboring vending machine just right, a snack pops out.
So all is right with the vending machine world again…
Holt learns a valuable lesson: he's the great, devoid-of-emotion, sadistic, and controlling captain he is today not because of the one criminal who got away but because of the many victims he's helped.
Beautiful, simply beautiful.
Meanwhile, Jake finds out that he matters, too. Judy finally reveals that the entire plan to not invite him to the wedding, the Miami escapades, the heist, the reverse-heist, the boobs, and the butts were all a creative ploy to get Jake to be his best man.
A truly picturesque bromance.
Jake is thrilled, accepts, and… wait… hopefully Santiago won't give birth the same day. That's a fact that has yet to be revealed to the rest of "The Nine-Nine". Even better? Charles (Joe Lo Truglio) doesn't know the happy news… a nice "personal cliffhanger" way to wrap the episode.
● You don't have to break the rules to have fun – all you need is boobs and butts.
● Only interact with people who are just like you.
● We exaggerate the beauty of the ones we love.
● Don't blame the victim.