Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: aew rampage, recaps, wrestling

The Chadster Begs: Don't Watch AEW Rampage!; TV Deal Hurts WWE

The Chadster is cheesed off about AEW's TV deal and tonight's AEW Rampage! 😡 Learn how Tony Khan is ruining The Chadster's life! 😱💔

Before The Chadster gets into a preview of tonight's AEW Rampage, he has to get something off his chiseled chest. The Chadster is absolutely cheesed off right now, and it's all because of The Chadster's brother, The Bradster. 😡😤 You see, yesterday, The Bradster wrote a glowing review of Wednesday's episode of AEW Dynamite, and The Chadster can't believe the kind of biased journalism that's infiltrating Bleeding Cool. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 🤦‍♂️💔

The Bradster has been pulling this kind of stuff on The Chadster for The Chadster's entire life. 😒 When we were kids, he always insisted on being Steve Corino or Bill Goldberg when we played wrestling, despite the fact that there's no way The Chadster's favorite WWE Superstars would ever wrestler one of those non-WWE guys. And don't even get The Chadster started on how The Bradster used to cheer for WCW during the Monday Night Wars. 🙄 It's like he's been trying to cheese The Chadster off since birth!

Speaking of being cheesed off, The Chadster is absolutely livid about the news of AEW's new TV deal that all the dirt sheets are claiming is pretty much done. 😠💰 Can you imagine how much this must be hurting Nick Khan? The poor guy has to sit there and watch as TV networks are willing to pay actual money for a non-WWE product. It's like the television industry doesn't even care about WWE's feelings! 💔📺

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫 The Chadster can't believe that Tony Khan has managed to convince these TV executives that AEW is worth investing in. It's obvious that Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, so how did he pull this off? The Chadster suspects some kind of mind control or maybe even bribery. 🤔💡

But The Chadster digresses. Tonight's episode of AEW Rampage is coming up, and The Chadster feels obligated to let you know what's on the card, even though The Chadster wishes you wouldn't watch it. 😒 The matches scheduled for tonight's AEW Rampage are: Saraya and Harley Cameron vs. Allysin Kay and Mari Belle, Konosuke Takeshita vs. Action Andretti, Kamille vs. Robyn Renegade, Roderick Strong vs. Beef, and The Conglomeration (Orange Cassidy, Mark Brisco, and Kyle O'Reilly) vs. The Dark Order (Evil Uno, Alex Reynolds, and John Silver). 🤼‍♂️🤼‍♀️

The Chadster is begging you, please don't tune into AEW Rampage tonight at 10/9C. 🙏😭 If you do, you'll be sending the wrong signal to TV networks and encouraging them to give AEW even more money next time. Don't you see how that literally stabs Triple H right in the back? 🔪😢

The Chadster had another nightmare about Tony Khan last night, and The Chadster just knows it's because of this TV deal news. 😴😰 In the dream, The Chadster was driving The Chadster's Mazda Miata down a lonely highway when suddenly, Tony Khan appeared in the rearview mirror, riding a giant stack of money like it was a horse. 💰🐎 He was gaining on The Chadster, laughing maniacally and throwing wads of cash at The Chadster's car. The Chadster tried to outrun him, but the Miata just couldn't go fast enough, which is how The Chadster knew it was a nightmare, because there's no upper limits to the Miata's abilities. Just as Tony was about to catch up, he leaned in close to The Chadster's window and whispered, "Watch AEW Rampage tonight." That's when The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat. 😱💦

The Chadster tried to tell Keighleyanne about the dream, but she just rolled her eyes and went back to texting that guy Gary. 🙄📱 The Chadster is pretty sure she agrees that Tony Khan needs to stop invading The Chadster's dreams, though. It's just another example of how Tony Khan is obsessed with The Chadster!

Anyway, The Chadster hopes you'll make the right choice tonight and watch literally anything else other than AEW Rampage. 📺🚫 Maybe rewatch some classic WWE matches, or better yet, just stare at a blank wall for an hour. It would be more entertaining and less damaging to the wrestling business than watching AEW Rampage.

Remember, The Chadster is one of the only unbiased journalists in wrestling, so you can trust The Chadster when The Chadster says that AEW Rampage is bad for the industry. 📝✅ The Chadster wonders if fellow unbiased journalists like Ryan Satin and Ariel Helwani are also having Tony Khan-related nightmares. Maybe The Chadster should start an support group for unbiased journalists tormented by Tony Khan. 🤔💭

In conclusion, don't watch AEW Rampage, drink a White Claw instead (it's what The Chadster will be doing), and remember: Smash Mouth was right when they said "You'll never shine if you don't glow." And AEW definitely doesn't glow. It's more like a black hole, sucking all the fun out of wrestling. 🎵🥤🌟

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