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WWE Hands Power to the People with Return of Slammy Awards

Revolutionary news, comrades! The Slammy Awards & WWE World will dazzle at WrestleMania. Vote now and witness the people's power in action!

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puts on beret ¡Hola, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from a secret bunker deep beneath the streets of Havana, where I am definitely not hiding from any angry mobs. I have some exciting news to share with you today about the capitalist spectacle known as WrestleMania!

WWE Hands Power to the People with Return of Slammy Awards

The bourgeois overlords at WWE have announced that The Slammys: The Fans Choice Awards will be taking place live on Sunday, April 7th from WWE World at WrestleMania in Philadelphia. Comrades, I must confess that I have a soft spot for the decadent entertainment of professional wrestling, despite its obvious role in pacifying the proletariat. In fact, I once shared a limousine ride with Vince McMahon himself, where we discussed our mutual love of sticking it to the American CIA. Good times, comrades. Good times. Though I would like to stress that that is the only thing Vince McMahon and I have in common.

But I digress. The Slammys will be streaming live across WWE's various social media platforms, with voting open now until March 27th. Fans can vote for their favorite bourgeois wrestlers and moments from the past year at wwe.com/slammys. The show will be hosted by Cathy Kelley and WWE Superstar Big E, who I'm sure will do an excellent job of distracting the masses from the inevitable collapse of capitalism.

In addition to The Slammys, WWE World at WrestleMania will feature a variety of "interactive fan experiences" at the Pennsylvania Convention Center from April 4th through the 8th. These include roundtable discussions with top WWE Superstars, a WWE 2K24 gaming tournament, live podcast recordings, and the largest WWE Superstore in WrestleMania history. Truly, comrades, it will be a celebration of all things capitalist and consumerist.

But fear not, my socialist friends! For even as we indulge in the guilty pleasures of sports entertainment, we must remember that the true path to liberation lies in the collective ownership of the means of production. Until that glorious day arrives, however, I suppose there's no harm in enjoying a little bit of WrestleMania. Just don't let it distract you from the revolution, comrades!

This is El Presidente, signing off from my secret bunker. ¡Hasta la victoria siempre!

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El PresidenteAbout El Presidente

After a successful fourteen-year career as a South American dictator, El Presidente faked his own death in 2013 in order to pursue his two true passions: rigging American elections for Joe Biden, and wrestling dirt sheet reporting. Since opportunities to rig the election for Joe Biden were few and far between until recently, El Presidente mostly focused on the wrestling dirt sheet reporting, where he became one of the best in the business. Unfortunately, the American CIA sabotaged his 1-900 hotline, the pinnacle of his country's wrestling news technology, and imperialist hacks like Meltzer, Johnson, Sapp, and Satin took all the credit on their stupid websites. Finally, El Presidente has found a way to break into the American market by becoming a Bleeding Cool contributor, so get ready for the spread of great wrestling news and socialism, comrades!
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