Posted in: Comics, News With Benefits, Satire | Tagged: iceman, marvel, teasers

Everything You Knew About Iceman Coming Out Was Wrong?

Published Tue, 11 Dec 2018 16:30:59 -0600

Last updated Fri, 01 Nov 2019 18:53:35 -0500

All day long, Marvel has been releasing teaser after teaser threatening to rewrite the history of the Marvel Universe in March 2019, creating a veritable feeding frenzy in the clickbait comics media as websites scramble to post the latest teaser and get the clicks before their competitors, which of course works out in Marvel favor by promoting whatever this dumb super-mega-crossover event or whatever is for free instead of making them pay for advertising.

But trying to compete for scraps tossed from Marvel's table is a fool's errand, especially when we can just use photoshop ourselves as well as any unpaid Marvel intern. So Bleeding Cool has been making some of our own Marvel teasers, leaving our competitors who only post real teasers in the dust. Which teasers are real and which are fake? We'll leave that to you to figure out.

We've already seen a teaser threatening to rewrite how the Fantastic Four got their powers, one threatening to rewrite the Spider-Man No More story, one threatening to rewrite The Avengers finding Captain America in the ice, one threatening to rewrite the parentage of Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch by revealing that Magneto @#$%ed a cow, and one messing with the Dark Phoenix Saga.

Now, we've got one that threatens to rewrite the 2015 story written by "The Great One" Brian Bendis in which the newly time-displaced teenage Jean Grey read the mind of the time-displaced teenage Iceman and revealed he was gay – something he apparently didn't even know. Since then, adult Iceman has come to terms with his sexuality and launched a solo book career that's given him the most character development he's seen in years.

But what if everything we know about that is all wrong? What if Iceman always knew he was gay, and Jean Grey didn't have to rip it out of his mind? That would change the course of X-Men history, probably, and it would also fix that damn Bendis but good for leaving to write for the Distinguished Competition. It would also be the biggest retcon of a retcon in the history of retconned retcons.

We'll find out more about Marvel's plans soon enough. Until then, prepare to have your universe shaken to its foundations.