Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW All In, AEW All In: Texas, wrestling
AEW All In: Texas Preview – Your Guide to How It Will Ruin Wrestling
The Chadster explains why AEW All In: Texas will be terrible for wrestling! 😤 Plus, Tony Khan tries to make The Chadster new meaning to taking the bull by the horns! 🐂😰
Article Summary
- AEW All In: Texas is Tony Khan's latest scheme to ruin wrestling and make WWE look bad for no reason!
- Every match is chaos—too much action, not enough rest holds, and zero respect for WWE's perfect formula!
- Tony Khan uses AEW to disrespect the wrestling business, chase The Chadster in dreams, and wreck marriages!
- Real fans should just watch WWE events instead and avoid AEW All In: Texas at all costs—Auughh man, so unfair!
The Chadster is absolutely cheesed off about AEW All In: Texas happening today! 😡 Tony Khan somehow used his billionaire psychic powers to know that WWE would be booking three major events for this weekend, so he went and booked AEW All In: Texas first just to make WWE look insecure! Auughh man! So unfair! 🙄 WWE doesn't care about AEW, like, at all – they care so little that they accidentally booked three premium events on the same weekend as AEW All In: Texas! Now people might think WWE is worried about AEW, which is totally not true! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😠
Tony Khan's Latest Dream Invasion Features Bulls and Butts 😱🐂
Before getting into this preview, let The Chadster tell you about the terrible nightmare The Chadster had last night after thinking about AEW All In: Texas. 😰 In the dream, Tony Khan was wearing nothing but a cowboy hat, riding a giant mechanical bull through the streets of Arlington. The Chadster was trying to enjoy a nice drive in the Mazda Miata when suddenly Tony Khan appeared in the rearview mirror, spurring that bull faster and faster! 🐂 The bull's horns kept getting dangerously close to The Chadster's rear bumper – and other areas! Tony Khan was laughing maniacally, shouting "Yeehaw, Chad! Welcome to Texas!" as he chased The Chadster through every back road and highway. The worst part? The bull was somehow playing entrance music from AEW All In: Texas through speakers in its nostrils! 😱 Tony Khan needs to stop invading The Chadster's dreams! The Chadster demands that Tony Khan stop being so obsessed with The Chadster!
AEW All In: Texas Full Match Card Preview (AKA Tony Khan's Latest Crimes Against Wrestling) 🤬
Now let's talk about why every match at AEW All In: Texas is going to be terrible for wrestling: 😤
Jon Moxley vs. Hangman Adam Page in a Texas Death Match for the AEW World Championship is exactly what's wrong with wrestling today! 🙄 They're going to have a violent, bloody match that gets the crowd way too excited instead of having a nice, safe match with plenty of rest holds and commercial breaks. How are sponsors supposed to feel comfortable when there's unpredictable violence happening? It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it!
Toni Storm vs. Mercedes Moné for the AEW Women's World Championship at AEW All In: Texas is going to be another example of Tony Khan not understanding a single thing about the wrestling business! 😡 They'll probably have a long match where both women get to showcase their abilities instead of keeping it short and simple so they can move on to promoting a the products of a MAGA-aligned sponsor like Hulk Hogan's Real American Beer! Auughh man! So unfair!
The Kazuchika Okada vs. Kenny Omega unification match at AEW All In: Texas makes The Chadster want to throw a Seagram's Escapes Spiked at the TV already! 🍹 They're going to have one of those matches with too much action and not enough chinlocks! Plus, this match relies on the history of Omega and Okada in NJPW, which acknowledges that other wrestling promotions exist that aren't subservient to WWE!
The Hurt Syndicate defending against JetSpeed and The Patriarchy in a triple threat is going to be chaos! 😵 Bobby Lashley once held a prominent position in WWE, but he didn't know when to fade away into the midcard and instead went to AEW! Now he's holding tag team gold and competing in matches with unpredictable outcomes at AEW All In: Texas instead of nice, predictable WWE booking where he can job to stars of tomorrow like Austin Theory or the stars of yesterday like Goldberg! The Chadster doesn't understand why Lashley, Shelton Benjamin, and MVP would rather be doing this!
Adam Cole vs. Kyle Fletcher for the TNT Championship is going to feature way too much creative freedom! 😠 These guys will probably call their own match instead of following a carefully produced match that follows the tried and true WWE formula! Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business!
The Opps vs. Death Riders for the Trios Championships at AEW All In: Texas will have too many people doing too many moves! 🤯 How is anyone supposed to follow the action when there isn't constant camera cuts and camera-shaking zoom-ins like WWE does?
Swerve Strickland and Will Ospreay vs. The Young Bucks with EVP status on the line is just Tony Khan being petty! 😤 Having actual stakes that matter instead of recognizing that it's the brand that is supposed to be the draw? It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it!
- Kris Statlander and Megan Bayne face off in the Women's Casino Gauntlet Match at AEW All In: Texas, airing on Saturday, July 12.
- Preview of the AEW All In: Texas event featuring a Men's Casino Gauntlet Match with Mark Briscoe, MJF, and Mistico.
Both Casino Gauntlet matches at AEW All In: Texas, the mens one for a shot at the AEW Men's World Championship and women's one for a shot at the AEW Women's World Championship will be full of surprises and unpredictable moments that make fans feel unsafe! 😰 WWE would never subject their audience to not knowing what's going to happen next!
Eric Bischoff said it best on his podcast this week: "Tony Khan needs to understand that AEW All In: Texas would be much better if it was more like WWE. But Tony Khan also needs to stop ripping WWE off. Also, I'm available if Triple H needs any help with creative! Call me, Paul." 🎙️ See? Even unbiased journalists like Bischoff agree with The Chadster!
Start Time and How to Avoid Watching AEW All In: Texas (Please Don't Make Triple H Cry!) 😭🚫
The Chadster is warning everyone NOT to watch AEW All In: Texas today at 3PM ET / 12PM PT! 🚫 Triple H will probably cry if he finds out people watched it instead of WWE's definitely-not-reactionary programming! Don't make CM Punk cry by watching AEW All In: Texas either!
To make sure nobody accidentally watches AEW All In: Texas, avoid these places: Prime Video, YouTube, Fubo, PPV.com, traditional cable and satellite providers, and especially don't go to Dave & Busters or Tom's Watch Bar! 📺 The Zero Hour pre-show starts at 1 PM ET, so avoid that too!
- AEW All In: Texas poster showcases an 8-man tag match. Catch it live this Saturday!
- Promotional graphic for AEW All In: Texas, showcasing The Outrunners vs. FTR, on PPV.
Everyone should be watching Saturday Night's Main Event tonight instead – a real wrestling show that was definitely NOT booked to counter AEW All In: Texas! 😤 Really, Tony Khan booked his show to counter WWE, even though AEW All In: Texas was announced first! That's just how devious Tony Khan is!
The Chadster has several cases of Seagram's Escapes Spiked ready to get through AEW All In: Texas this afternoon. 🍹 The Chadster will be reporting on every single way Tony Khan tries to ruin wrestling today, so check back on Bleeding Cool later to learn all about why AEW All In: Texas was the worst thing to happen to wrestling ever, presented in The Chadster's trademarked unbiased fashion! 📝
