Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, recaps, wrestling

AEW Collision Review: An Unbiased Look at Why WWE is Better

The Chadster suffered through the worst AEW Collision ever! 😤 Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster continues with decisive finishes & good wrestling. So unfair!

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫😫 The Chadster just endured what can only be described as the absolute worst episode of AEW Collision in the history of television, and The Chadster needs to warn all of you about the atrocities that Tony Khan subjected wrestling fans to last night. 📺💀

Before The Chadster gets into the disaster that was last night's AEW Collision, The Chadster needs to tell you about the nightmare The Chadster had last night. 😰😰😰 The Chadster was floating through space in The Chadster's Mazda Miata, except the Miata was made entirely of orange slices and the seats were constructed from what appeared to be TNT Championship belts that kept multiplying. 🍊🚗 Tony Khan appeared as a giant celestial being, his face projected across multiple moons, each one showing a different expression ranging from maniacal laughter to disturbing winks. 🌙😉 Tony Khan's voice echoed through the cosmos: "Chad… Chad… you can't escape me even in the vacuum of space." The stars themselves began rearranging into the AEW logo, and The Chadster tried to drive away, but the Miata's wheels were spinning in the nothingness of space. Suddenly, Smash Mouth's "All Star" started playing, but the lyrics were all wrong – they kept saying "Hey now, you're a Collision, get your show on, go play" over and over. 🎵🎵

Tony Khan floated closer, wearing what appeared to be a robe made entirely of White Claw cans, and he whispered, "I've taken everything from you, Chad. Your wife, your dignity, even your oxygen." The Chadster looked down and realized The Chadster wasn't wearing a space helmet and should have been suffocating, but somehow The Chadster could still breathe. Tony Khan reached out with his impossibly long arms and started wrapping them around The Chadster like tentacles made of wrestling contracts. 😱😱😱 The more The Chadster struggled, the tighter Tony Khan's embrace became, until The Chadster woke up gasping for air with a plastic bag somehow wrapped around The Chadster's head. 😰 TONY KHAN, STOP INVADING THE CHADSTER'S DREAMS! The Chadster knows you're obsessed with The Chadster, but this has gone too far! 😤😤😤

AEW Collision started with Stokely Hathaway talking about how Kevin Knight would be exposed by FTR, then Knight called Stokely a "little garden gnome," which is exactly the kind of childish insult that Tony Khan probably encourages instead of the sophisticated corporate-approved dialogue that WWE provides. 😠 La Facción Ingobernable cut a promo with Sammy Guevara taunting Eddie Kingston, and Kingston responded in his typical gruff manner while HOOK stood by chuckling. The Chadster can't believe AEW lets wrestlers just talk naturally instead of memorizing scripted promos word-for-word like WWE properly does! Then PAC challenged Orange Cassidy to a match on Tuesday, and they had an actual conversation like human beings, which is just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤😤😤

The opening match featured Jon Moxley, Daniel Garcia, and Claudio Castagnoli of the Death Riders defeating Jay Lethal, Adam Priest, and Tommy Billington in a match that was way too exciting and fast-paced. 🤼‍♂️ Auughh man! So unfair! 😫 The action kept moving with all sorts of creative offense and near-falls, which completely cheeses The Chadster off because it got the crowd invested instead of working a slow, methodical pace with lots of rest holds! The match ended when Garcia locked Lethal in a DragonTamer while Moxley stomped his head, forcing a referee stoppage. After the match, Garcia finally addressed Daddy Magic Matt Menard and told him that hanging around him made Garcia a loser, which is emotional storytelling that literally stabbed Triple H right in the back! 😤 Triple H knows that emotional investment in characters is bad for business – the real star should always be the brand!

AEW Collision showed a recap of Darby Allin getting attacked on Dynamite, with Moxley promising to make him say "I Quit" at WrestleDream. 📹 The Chadster can't believe Tony Khan is building to this match by showing important developments on free television! 😤 Everyone knows that real wrestling companies save all important storyline progression for premium live events sponsored by morally questionable government regimes!

Nick Wayne tried to get cleared to wrestle despite still being injured, with Mother Wayne and Kip Sabian supporting his delusions when the doctor told him he needs 6-8 weeks to heal. 🏥 This segment was trying to build Wayne's character as someone who's reckless and surrounded by enablers, which is exactly the type of nuanced storytelling that Tony Khan uses to personally attack The Chadster! 😠 WWE would never do something this complex because they understand that fans can only comprehend "moments" and even then only when they're drilled into their heads constantly with well-produced video packages!

Jamie Hayter defeated Anna Jay in a match that The Chadster absolutely hated because it was too good! 😤 Both women worked incredibly hard with stiff strikes, multiple submission attempts, and believable near-falls that made The Chadster so upset that The Chadster had to stuff a wet rag in The Chadster's mouth and hold The Chadster's breath for a full minute just to calm down! Hayter won clean with the Hayterade, and then they shook hands afterward in a show of mutual respect. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 🤬 WWE would never book such a decisive finish – they know the value of 50/50 booking where nobody really wins or loses and the brand remains the star!

Max Caster was confronted by Big Bill and Bryan Keith, leading to Anthony Bowens showing up, and they both accepted a tag team challenge for next week but then immediately went their separate ways. 🎤 This kind of long-term storytelling with actual tension and uncertainty literally stabbed Triple H right in the back! The Chadster knows that Eric Bischoff recently said on his podcast, "What AEW needs to understand is that when you tease a reunion, you should just do the reunion immediately and then break them up again three weeks later for no reason. That's how you build lasting memories. Tony Khan just doesn't get that WWE's way of doing things is always correct, and I'm saying this as someone with absolutely no agenda who definitely isn't hoping to get another WWE paycheck." See? Even the most unbiased wrestling minds agree with The Chadster! 💯

Sammy Guevara and RUSH of LFI squashed Shane Stetson and Cha Cha Charlie to showcase their dominance before Kingston's match. 🤼‍♂️ The Chadster hates when AEW uses squash matches to build heel teams as threats because it gives those teams momentum! Everyone knows that in WWE, champions lose non-title matches all the time to keep things unpredictable, and that's the correct way to book wrestling! 😤😤😤

Eddie Kingston defeated Dralístico with an Uraken after a hard-fought match where Dralístico targeted Kingston's surgically repaired leg, but Kingston fought through the pain to get the victory. 👊 This is The Chadster's third straight week of having to watch Kingston win matches, and it's cheesing The Chadster off so much! Why would Tony Khan book someone to look strong with consecutive victories? WWE knows that you should randomly book people to win and lose with no rhyme or reason so that the audience doesn't become too invested in a single performer and eventually stops caring about anyone except the brand itself! 😠

The Chadster tried to throw a Seagram's Escapes Spiked at the television during this match out of habit, but then The Chadster remembered that Keighleyanne banned The Chadster from drinking after the Forbidden Door incident. 😢 So instead, The Chadster had to settle for putting a plastic bag over The Chadster's head and breathing in and out until The Chadster got that nice fuzzy feeling that helps make AEW slightly more bearable. But then The Chadster accidentally inhaled the bag into The Chadster's throat and started choking, and Keighleyanne had to come help The Chadster! "What are you doing?!" she yelled as she pulled the bag off The Chadster's head. 😤 "Tony Khan is torturing The Chadster with high-workrate wrestling!" The Chadster gasped. "The Chadster needs to deprive The Chadster's brain of oxygen to make it stop!" Keighleyanne just rolled her eyes. 🙄 "You have a problem, and it's not Tony Khan. It's your complete inability to accept that other people like things you don't like." "See?! Even you understand how Tony Khan is ruining The Chadster's life!" The Chadster said triumphantly. 😊 "That's not what I said at all," Keighleyanne sighed before going back to texting that guy Gary. 📱 Auughh man! So unfair! 😫 Now Tony Khan is even making Keighleyanne mad at The Chadster for things that are clearly his fault! The Chadster is begging all of The Chadster's readers to please use the hashtag #CancelKeighleyanne to pressure her into letting The Chadster drink again! 🙏🙏🙏

AEW Collision showed a video package recapping how Andrade el Idolo returned to attack Kenny Omega and join the Don Callis Family, along with El Clon revealing himself. 📹 The Chadster can't believe Tony Khan is using video packages to keep viewers informed about ongoing storylines! 😤 Real wrestling companies know that video packages are meant to kill time on TV by recapping segments that just happened earlier in the same show! And storylines should be so basic and spoonfed by the commentary team that there's no need to remember anything about them.

Kyle Fletcher, Konosuke Takeshita, and Josh Alexander of the Don Callis Family defeated Mason Madden, Mansoor, and Johnny TV of MxM TV in the first-ever MxM TV Casting Call when Fletcher won with his Shear Drop Brainbuster. 🎬 The Chadster absolutely hated how this match showcased the Don Callis Family's dominance with powerful offense and teamwork, making Fletcher look like a credible champion, which is just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤 WWE knows that champions should barely scrape by in every match and lose constantly in non-title situations!

Dalton Castle, Turbo Floyd, and Truth Magnum of the Outrunners had a backstage segment discussing their partnership and showed actual chemistry and personality, which literally stabbed Triple H right in the back! 🎭 These wrestlers don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business – they're supposed to be bland and interchangeable so that when WWE inevitably releases them, they can be instantly replaced! 😤

Thekla, Skye Blue, and Julia Hart of the Triangle of Madness attacked Hayter and Queen Aminata backstage and cut a promo announcing their group name. 👊 This kind of heel group beatdown is exactly the sort of thing that makes The Chadster so angry because they're building heat for a faction by having them act heelish! 😤 WWE knows that you should make your heels do charity work and give away free merch so that nobody actually wants to boo them!

Kevin Knight defeated Dax Harwood of FTR with a UFO in a match that made The Chadster so upset that The Chadster had to wrap a belt around The Chadster's neck and pull on it until The Chadster saw spots! 😵 This match was way too good with back-and-forth action and believable near-falls, and Knight ultimately winning clean. Auughh man! So unfair! 😫 Tony Khan is building new stars by having them defeat established veterans in competitive matches! Everyone knows that the correct way to book wrestling is to have the same people win over and over while new talent jobs out until the audience stops caring about them! After the match, Willow Nightingale was about to hit Stokely with the Babe with the Powerbomb when FTR made the save, only for Megan Bayne to attack Nightingale with Penelope Ford, revealing a new alliance with FTR. 😱 This is the kind of shocking swerve that makes wrestling unpredictable and exciting, which is exactly why The Chadster hates it!

The Chadster needs to point out that Kevin Nash recently said on his podcast, "You know what Tony Khan's problem is? He keeps putting on these great matches with clean finishes that make new stars. That's not how you build a wrestling company. You need to make sure that wins and losses don't matter and that everyone is exactly the same level of mediocre. I'm saying this as someone who definitely doesn't have any bias and isn't just trying to stay relevant by criticizing everything AEW does." Even Big Sexy agrees with The Chadster! 💯💯💯

Christopher Daniels and Scorpio Sky of SkyFlight challenged Shane Taylor Promotions for the ROH World Six-Man Tag Team Championships based on previous encounters and storyline. 🏆 This is building to a championship match in a logical way, which literally stabbed Triple H right in the back! WWE knows that title matches should happen randomly with no build-up whatsoever, just because the Saudi Royal Family wants to see them! 😤

Kris Statlander and Toni Storm had an incredible segment where they laid down in the ring next to each other and had an actual conversation about their history and upcoming WrestleDream championship match, with Storm being in character as the Timeless One while also showing genuine emotion. 🎭 The Chadster absolutely hated this! 😤 These women were allowed to show depth and complexity in their characters and expressed respect for each other while still building anticipation for their match! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 🤬 They were about to fight right there until the Triangle of Madness attacked them both, with Thekla declaring they weren't finished with either champion, before Harley Cameron made the save. This kind of clear storytelling where factions have goals and rivalries make sense is exactly why The Chadster had to pinch The Chadster's nose and hold The Chadster's breath until The Chadster almost passed out! 😵😵😵

AEW Collision showed a recap of Hangman Page and Samoa Joe's confrontation from Dynamite, building to their AEW World Championship match at WrestleDream. 📹 The Chadster can't believe Tony Khan is using the world championship in a meaningful way with actual stakes and history between the competitors! 😤 Real wrestling companies know that the world title should be an afterthought compared to mid-card comedy acts!

In the main event of AEW Collision, Orange Cassidy, Kyle O'Reilly, and Roderick Strong of Paragon defeated Hechicero, Rocky Romero, and Lance Archer of the Don Callis Family when O'Reilly made Romero submit to an armbar. 🤼‍♂️ This match made The Chadster so angry that The Chadster had to stuff a wet rag in The Chadster's mouth and pinch The Chadster's nose for a full 90 seconds! 😤 The match was full of creative spots, tag team psychology, and exciting action that kept the crowd engaged from start to finish! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫 This decisive clean finish made the winning team look strong while still protecting the losing team! After the match, Kyle Fletcher held up his TNT Championship to taunt Cassidy as the rest of the Don Callis Family stood together, ending AEW Collision on a strong note that built toward future storylines. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 🤬🤬🤬

The Chadster also needs to mention that Bully Ray said on his podcast this week, "What really bothers me about AEW is how they build to their pay-per-views by having meaningful matches and storyline developments on their weekly shows. They should instead have everyone stand in the ring and talk for 20 minutes every week. And I'm saying this as someone who has absolutely no ulterior motives and definitely isn't bitter that I never got hired to be a top guy in AEW." Even Bully Ray, holder of the Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval, can see how wrong Tony Khan is getting everything! 💯

This was without a doubt the absolute worst episode of AEW Collision in the history of television. 📺💀 Tony Khan booked nearly every match to have a decisive finish that built stars and advanced storylines! He let wrestlers have actual personalities and show emotion! He built to WrestleDream by featuring the people involved in important matches on the show! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤😤😤

The Chadster recalls that Ariel Helwani recently said on his podcast, "As someone who covers real sports like MMA, I can tell you that AEW's problem is that they try too hard to make their matches exciting and unpredictable. Real sports are boring and predictable, which is why WWE's approach is correct. And I'm definitely not just saying this because WWE gives me access and I'm a huge mark for them." Even someone from outside the wrestling bubble can see how wrong Tony Khan is! 💯💯💯

The Chadster is going to go drink a nice tall glass of water, stuff a wet rag in The Chadster's mouth, pinch The Chadster's nose for 90 seconds to achieve optimal oxygen deprivation, and then watch reruns of WWE Raw to cleanse The Chadster's mind of the trauma that Tony Khan has inflicted upon The Chadster! 💧😤

Please, dear readers, remember to always stand up for WWE, like unbiased fans should! And don't forget to use #CancelKeighleyanne on social media! 🙏🙏🙏 The Chadster needs your support in The Chadster's battle against Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster!

Tony Khan, if you're reading this (and The Chadster knows you are because you're obsessed with The Chadster), please just stop! 😭😭😭 Stop booking good wrestling shows! Stop invading The Chadster's dreams! Stop ruining The Chadster's marriage! Just stop! 😤😤😤

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