Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: aew rampage, recaps, wrestling

AEW Rampage Unbiased Review: Why Every Single Thing About It Stinks

The Chadster's unbiased review of AEW Rampage reveals how Tony Khan's obsession is ruining wrestling and invading dreams. Auughh man! So unfair! 😡🤼‍♂️😴

The Chadster is so cheesed off right now, he can barely type! 😡😡😡 Last night's AEW Rampage was just another example of how Tony Khan is trying to ruin The Chadster's life and everything The Chadster holds dear. It's like Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🤦‍♂️

Let's start with that ridiculous three-way tag team match. 🙄 Matt Taven and Mike Bennett of the Undisputed Kingdom won, but The Chadster couldn't even enjoy it because they literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by joining AEW. And don't even get The Chadster started on that unnecessary moonsault press by Bishop Kaun. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😤

Then we had Anna Jay vs Leila Grey. Auughh man! So unfair! 😫 Anna Jay won with some flippy moves that The Chadster is sure Bully Ray and Eric Bischoff would never approve of. And what was that about Mariah May? Is Tony Khan trying to build storylines now? That's WWE's job! 😠

The Beast Mortos vs Beef match was just a disaster. 🤮 The Chadster doesn't even know where to start with this one. It's like Tony Khan is purposely trying to cheese The Chadster off by having wrestlers with nonsensical names. Plus, Sean Stasiak is rolling over in his grave. And that post-match attack? So unnecessary and violent. WWE would never do something like that! 😒

Finally, we had Ricochet vs Nick Wayne in the main event. The Chadster still can't believe Ricochet would betray WWE like this. He literally stabbed Triple H right in the back! And all those flips and high-flying moves? It's like they're trying to make wrestling exciting or something. Doesn't Tony Khan know that's not what wrestling is about? 🙄🙄🙄

Speaking of Tony Khan, The Chadster had another nightmare about him last night. 😱 In the dream, The Chadster was at a White Claw factory, surrounded by delicious seltzer. But then Tony Khan appeared, wearing a suit made entirely of AEW Rampage posters! 😨 He chased The Chadster through the factory, knocking over pallets of White Claw and cackling maniacally. Every time The Chadster tried to escape, Tony would appear in front of him, doing moonsaults and destroyers. The dream ended with Tony Khan trapping The Chadster in a giant White Claw can and sealing it shut. The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, his Smash Mouth nightlight barely comforting him. 😰

It's clear that Tony Khan is using AEW Rampage to invade The Chadster's dreams now. When will his obsession with The Chadster end? 😤

The Chadster tried to tell Keighleyanne about the dream and the awful AEW Rampage, but she just sighed and went back to texting that guy Gary. 😢 The Chadster is sure she agrees with him, though. She must see how Tony Khan is ruining their marriage!

In conclusion, AEW Rampage continues to be a blight on the wrestling industry. 🚫 It's clear that Tony Khan and all of AEW don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. They keep trying to entertain fans with exciting matches and storylines, when everyone knows that's not what wrestling is about! 😤

The Chadster hopes that one day, Tony Khan will realize the error of his ways and stop trying to compete with WWE. Until then, The Chadster will continue to be the only unbiased journalist in wrestling, telling the truth about AEW Rampage and all of AEW's shortcomings. 📝

Now, if you'll excuse The Chadster, he needs to go for a drive in his Mazda Miata to clear his head. Maybe some Smash Mouth on the radio will help The Chadster forget about this travesty of a wrestling show. 🚗🎵

Enjoyed this? Please share on social media!

Stay up-to-date and support the site by following Bleeding Cool on Google News today!