Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: britt baker, wrestling

Britt Baker Sparks AEW Exit Rumors With Aquatic Instagram Post

Comrades! Dr. Britt Baker's cryptic water bottle Instagram post has El Presidente's sources buzzing about a potential AEW exit! Is WWE her NeXT destination?

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my secret underground bunker beneath a Venezuelan water bottling plant, where I am currently hiding from both the CIA and Tony Khan's legal team! Today, I bring you scorching hot wrestling gossip involving Dr. Britt Baker, D.M.D. that has set the internet ablaze faster than the time Fidel Castro and I accidentally set fire to his beard during a backyard barbecue argument about whether AEW or WWE had better catering!

Comrades, it seems that Baker may be looking to perform some emergency dental extraction surgery on her AEW contract! The good doctor has posted a most intriguing message on the Instagram, comparing the value of water bottles in different locations to one's personal worth. "A bottle of water can be $1 at a supermarket, $3 at the gym, $5 at the movies, $6 on a plane," Baker posted, adding: "Same water. The only thing that changed its value was the place. So next time you feel your worth is nothing, maybe you're at the wrong place." She emphasized the line about the change in place – which, between you and me, sounds like something my old friend Kim Jong-un would say about his nuclear program, but I digress!

The wrestling world is buzzing louder than the CIA drones circling my compound! Baker's philosophical musings about water bottles have sparked speculation that she may be feeling undervalued in AEW, where she has been absent from television since last November. This reminds me of the time Nicolae Ceaușescu disappeared from Romanian television – spoiler alert: it did not end well for him, though WWE wasn't around at the time to offer him a lucrative contract!

Now, comrades, if there is one thing I have learned from my various battles with The American CIA, it's this: when someone starts posting cryptic messages about their worth on social media, they are either planning a career move or have been spending too much time on Draft Kings! The dirt sheet merchants are working overtime, publishing reports that Baker wants an early release from her contract faster than you can say "state-sponsored healthcare for all wrestlers!"

The timing of this drama is most intriguing! With AEW's All In PPV approaching next week, one might think Tony Khan would be reluctant to release Baker and give his competition opportunity to counterprogram the big event. But then again, this is the same man who books his shows while probably high on White Claw, so who knows? Meanwhile, WWE has announced a trio of events to counterprogram All In, including a second Evolution PPV – perfect timing for a certain dentist to make her grand entrance, no?

I must tell you, this situation reminds me of a dinner party I once attended with Muammar Gaddafi and Saddam Hussein. Gaddafi spent the entire evening complaining about feeling undervalued by other dictators, posting cryptic messages on his MySpace page (yes, he still used MySpace), and eventually left to party with the Houthis in Yemen. The parallels are uncanny!

Baker's stock in AEW has indeed fallen faster than the Venezuelan bolívar! Once the company's top female star and public face of the division, she has been eclipsed by the likes of Toni Storm's timeless gimmick and Mercedes Moné's CEO money moves. It's like watching your favorite revolutionary movement get overtaken by younger, hipper revolutionaries with better social media presence, leaving you with no choice but to have them rounded up by the secret police and executed!

Of course, comrades, we must remember that all of this rumormongering should be taken with more grains of salt than in my personal stash hidden from the CIA! But if Baker does leave AEW, I predict she will thrive elsewhere, much like how I thrived after escaping that unfortunate incident in Panama!

Until next time, this is your El Presidente, reminding you that in the glorious socialist wrestling utopia of the future, all wrestlers will be valued equally, regardless of which promotion's water they drink! Now, I have to head to my panic room because I see Tony Khan's lawyers on my security cameras, trying to serve me a notice. Viva la revolución!

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