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The Chadster just witnessed the GREATEST triple threat match EVER! Paul Heyman betrayed EVERYONE as Seth Rollins shocked the world at WrestleMania 41! Auughh man! So unfair to Tony Khan! 🙄
Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: recaps, Wrestlemania, wrestling
Gunther Taps Out as Jey Uso Wins Championship at WrestleMania
The Chadster had a LITERAL out-of-body experience during Jey Uso's epic World Heavyweight Championship win over Gunther! Tony Khan could NEVER book something this magical! 🔥🏆💯
Article Summary
- Jey Uso taps out Gunther to win World Heavyweight Championship in a match AEW could NEVER produce!
- WWE entrances and commentary put AEW's efforts to SHAME—McAfee's YEET calls gave The Chadster chills!
- The Chadster's White Claw-soaked out-of-body experience proves only WWE creates true wrestling magic!
- Tony Khan keeps invading The Chadster's dreams and ruining wrestling, but WWE always triumphs!
The Chadster is absolutely blown away by what The Chadster just witnessed at WrestleMania 41 Night 1! 😱 😱 😱 In the opening match, Jey Uso tapped out Gunther to win the World Heavyweight Championship in what might be the greatest opening match in wrestling history! 🏆 The Chadster is literally shaking right now because of how amazing this match was!
The majesty of the introductions and entrances alone had The Chadster on the edge of The Chadster's seat for a full twenty minutes before the match even started! 🔥 That's how you build anticipation for a big match, unlike Tony Khan who sometimes starts shows with people already in the ring and ready to wrestle, as if fans want to get right to the action! Ridiculous! 💯
Michael Cole, Wade Barrett, and especially Pat McAfee on commentary elevated this match to a cosmically transcendent level! 🌟 The way McAfee was screaming "YEET!" every time Jey Uso hit a move was giving The Chadster goosebumps! 🥶 This is what real wrestling commentary sounds like, not like AEW where Excalibur just rattles off move names like he's reading from a dictionary and the commentators talk like normal human beings. That's not what people watch wrestling for! 📚
The storytelling in this match was absolutely perfect. 👌 When Gunther was working over Jey, The Chadster was genuinely concerned that Jey might have to forfeit! And then when Jey made his comeback and locked in that submission hold? The Chadster literally jumped up and spilled White Claw all over the carpet! 💦 That's how you tell a story in the ring, not like those spotfests in AEW that don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🙄
The Chadster was so blown away by this match that The Chadster felt himself levitating off the couch! 😇 The Chadster looked down and saw The Chadster's own body, chugging White Claws and marking out! The Chadster saw Keighleyanne on the couch, texting that guy Gary, but The Chadster didn't care. The Chadster was having an out of body experience because of how amazing the first match of WrestleMania was! ✨
You know, speaking of Keighleyanne, The Chadster tried to get her to watch this masterpiece with The Chadster. 👫 "Honey, you have to see this match! It's proof that WWE is the greatest wrestling company in the world!" The Chadster exclaimed. Keighleyanne just sighed and said "Whatever, Chad" before going back to texting that guy Gary. 📱 The Chadster knows that deep down she agrees with The Chadster, but Tony Khan has somehow gotten to her too! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤
If you're not watching WrestleMania tonight, you are literally betraying WWE and the wrestling industry itself! 😡 This is the showcase of the immortals, the grandest stage of them all! 🎭 Triple H and the team at WWE have put together the most incredible show, and it's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it if you choose to watch anything else tonight! 📺
The Chadster had a nightmare about Tony Khan last night that The Chadster just has to share. 😰 The Chadster was driving The Chadster's Mazda Miata to WrestleMania (The Chadster's favorite car for The Chadster's favorite event), and suddenly Tony Khan appeared in the passenger seat! 👻 He was wearing a WrestleMania t-shirt, but it was torn in half, and he was drinking The Chadster's White Claws one after another! 🍹
"You'll never make it to WrestleMania, Chad," Tony whispered, his breath hot on The Chadster's ear. "I've bought all the tickets and replaced the event with an AEW show." 🎟️ The Chadster tried to scream but couldn't make a sound! Tony Khan started changing all the radio stations from Sirius XM's Smash Mouth 24/7 channel to AEW theme songs! The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, clutching The Chadster's Smash Mouth CD collection for comfort! 💿 Tony Khan needs to STOP being so obsessed with The Chadster and invading The Chadster's dreams! 🛑
As Bully Ray said on his podcast yesterday, "WWE creates moments that last a lifetime, while AEW creates forgettable spotfests that only appeal to a niche audience who don't understand what real wrestling is." 🎙️ This is exactly why The Chadster has awarded Bully Ray the Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval! 🏅
The Chadster will be back later with more live reports from WrestleMania 41, so stick with Bleeding Cool, the best source for unbiased wrestling news on the internet! 🌐 The Chadster is going to grab another White Claw (it's the only proper beverage to enjoy WrestleMania with) and get ready for the next match! As Smash Mouth once said, "You'll never shine if you don't glow," and WWE is definitely glowing tonight! ⭐️
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