Jersey Shore: Family Vacation Season 5 Episode 12: Truth Detector

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, and I'm here to tell you about the season finale of MTV's Jersey Shore: Family Vacation. But first, let me just say, congratulations to Will Smith for his actions at the Oscars on Sunday. I know a lot of people don't think that Chris Rock deserved to be physically assaulted for a joke, no matter how tasteless, but in my opinion, comrades, Will Smith didn't go far enough! If a jester insulted one of the wives in my harem, even if she was a Scientologist, I would do a lot more than bitch slap them, comrades. I would have them locked in the dungeon and tortured for weeks, at minimum. Thankfully, Smith has finally made people, mainly people on Twitter, see that violence is always the answer.

Jersey Shore: Family Vacation Season 5 Episode 12 - Truth Detector
Angelina's husband takes the lie detector test on Jersey Shore: Family Vacation [screencap]
But anyway, comrades, Jersey Shore: Family Vacation Season 5 Episode 12 "The Lie Detector Test" was the season finale… or the mid-season finale, and it wrapped up this season's (or half season's) main storyline: the will-they-won't-they drama of Angelina and Chris's divorce. But first, Pauly D did his best to ruin the relationship by booking a lie detector test for the cast members, mostly so that The Situation could finally learn whether Angelina and Chris were lying when they said they had sex before the vacation started.

As it turns out, the lie detector test was not as bad as everyone made it out to be. It did provide "inconclusive" results when asking about Angelina and Vinny's crushes on each other. It got Lauren to admit she's "bougie." And it got Deena to admit that her husband has a penis longer than seven inches. The test even revisited the infamous list from the original Jersey Shore run, with Angelina admitting she was involved in its creation and J-Woww admitting she's the one who dictated it. But when it came to Angelina and Chris's sex lives, the test found they were telling the truth about the sex. It also gave both an opportunity to express their love for the other under oath, so to speak, comrades.

Angelina was so touched to learn that Chris really loved her that she decided she would not divorce him after all. The roommates were very proud of themselves for helping heal the relationship. It would have been a heartwarming conclusion if not for the fact that Chris filed for divorce from Angelina in February, after filming. Oh well! At least there's something to talk about next season (or half-season).

Though it had some low points, comrades, this season of Jersey Shore: Family Vacation was a return to form for the show after the pandemic seasons. Even without Ronnie on the show this season, Angelina was able to supply more than enough drama with her mess of a life, and the cast members are less obnoxious when they are able to interact with normal people. Until next time, my friends: socialism or death!

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About El Presidente

After a successful fourteen-year career as a South American dictator, El Presidente faked his own death in 2013 in order to pursue his two true passions: rigging American elections for Joe Biden, and wrestling dirt sheet reporting. Since opportunities to rig the election for Joe Biden were few and far between until recently, El Presidente mostly focused on the wrestling dirt sheet reporting, where he became one of the best in the business. Unfortunately, the American CIA sabotaged his 1-900 hotline, the pinnacle of his country's wrestling news technology, and imperialist hacks like Meltzer, Johnson, Sapp, and Satin took all the credit on their stupid websites. Finally, El Presidente has found a way to break into the American market by becoming a Bleeding Cool contributor, so get ready for the spread of great wrestling news and socialism, comrades!
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