Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: Vince McMahon, wrestling

Report: Vince McMahon Undergoes Spinal Surgery

A new report claims Vince McMahon has undergone spinal surgery. Will it keep him from rebooking Smackdown tonight? Join El Presidente's hot debate!

Published Fri, 28 Jul 2023 18:37:08 -0500

by El Presidente

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Greetings, comrades! El Presidente, your much-adored wrestling-connoisseur/dictator, must be hailed! Coming to you live from my gold-plated submarine deep under Lake Maracaibo, I have news that will shake the wrestling world. It seems Vince McMahon, the epic wrestling mogul, and fellow tyrant, has had a major bout with spinal surgery. Comrade Sean Ross Sapp is the source of this bombshell revelation:

Vince McMahon had major spinal surgery last week. We're told he's now recovering. The surgery lasted about five hours and was a pretty intensive one.

— Sean Ross Sapp of Fightful.com (@SeanRossSapp) July 28, 2023

That explains why there were no last-minute changes to Raw and Smackdown last week. Comrades, even as we hope to see McMahon back on his newly-repaired feet, I have a dream – a dream that Triple H's reign over creative might continue for a few more weeks without McMahon's notorious interference as he recuperates from the surgery. However, my cautious side tells me there could be some cause for alarm. Imagine the spine-renovated McMahon, fueled by post-surgery painkillers, tearing up scripts and flipping tables during last-minute changes! McMahon is like the CIA – ever meddling, always throwing a wrench in one's well-laid plans!

But there's another, more intriguing thought – could McMahon's spine now be part-machine? If my fellow 'men of power' have taught me anything, it's that no dictator lets a good crisis go to waste. In the aftermath of my 'vodka tank incident' with Putin, the fine Russian comrades set me up with a cybernetic liver – superb for distilling the finest tequila! Haw haw haw haw!

Has McMahon followed suit, utilizing his surgery to equip himself with cybernetic enhancements? Together with Kim Jong-un, I have been secretly working on a robotics program – the 'Project Iron Fist.' Perhaps McMahon underwent a similar augmentation – if true, the wrestling world awaits an even more formidable McMahon!

Following the surgery, McMahon's re-emergence as a bionic-dictator would mirror my own. You see, during our last face-off, I introduced him to my favorite maneuver – the Bolivarian Headbutt – not realizing the extent of my strength. It was in the weeks after that he booked Sheamus to go over Daniel Bryan at WrestleMania. I apologize, comrade Vince. However, these bouts between fellow dictators always lead to innovative changes. You see, we always get back – sometimes stronger!

Let's toast to comrade McMahon's recovery and his potential as a bionic WWE warlord! As engaging as this prospect is, we have to remember our essentially socialist roots, fellow WWE lovers. It's the people, the wrestling proletariat, who make the WWE. Without their sweat, the arena stays silent.

Until then, I will continue to monitor McMahon's progress from my luxury submarine, occasionally surfacing to enjoy a unique blend of tequila and revolution. Keep chanting, keep wrestling, dear comrades! Yours in solidarity, El Presidente.