Posted in: NFL, Sports | Tagged: entertainment, Kansas City Chiefs, nfl, Ryan O'Callaghan, Scott Pioli, sports

Former NFL Lineman, Ryan O'Callaghan, Spent Career Hiding His Sexuality And Planning His Suicide

Published Wed, 21 Jun 2017 20:00:14 -0500

Ryan O'Callaghan was an offensive tackle in the NFL that played for both the New England Patriots and Kansas City Chiefs. He used football as a way to cover the fact he was gay, a way to keep hiding his sexuality and keep from committing suicide. That was something he planned for, to kill himself after he finished playing football. O'Callaghan came out in an interview this week with Outsports where he talked about being gay, his addiction to pain killers and the coach that helped save him.

The 33-year-old California native planned to kill himself when he was done playing football in 2011 after his career was cut short due to shoulder injuries… which also lead to his abusing Vicodin.

I was abusing painkillers, no question. It helped with the pain of the injuries, and with the pain of being gay. I just didn't worry about being gay when I took the Vicodin. I just didn't worry.

By 2011, O'Callaghan had a $400 a day habit and spent $70,000 on a cabin in Kansas City where he intended to end his life.

I started spending all my money to put myself in a position where it would be impossible, or at least extremely difficult, to back out of killing myself.

The event that changed everything was when the Chiefs' head trainer, David Price, noticed that O'Callaghan was acting different.

David saw the pain pills as the problem, and they were. But the real problem was why I was abusing them. And it wasn't just the injuries.

Price got the former linemen set up with a counselor named Susan William, the first person O'Callaghan would come out to.

All I had ever done was think how bad the reaction would be. It takes a lot more strength to be honest with yourself than it does to lie. It took a while to build up that strength to even tell her. You have to build up trust with someone. Just telling her was like a huge weight off my shoulders. Was it great at the beginning? No. Did everyone totally understand what it meant to be gay? No. But they knew what my alternative was. I told people close to me that I planned on killing myself. So at that point, no one cared. They were just happy that I was alive.

Once he had made the breakthrough and he was clean of the Vicodin, O'Callaghan felt it necessary to talk with Chief's general manager Scott Pioli, the man who brought him to Kansas City and someone who had become a good friend. Pioli knew about the drug abuse and when his player called and asked to meet, the GM feared the worst. When the met, O'Callaghan told Pioli he was clean and that he was gay. Pioli responded with:

So what's the problem you wanted to talk me about?

Pioli says O'Callaghan was not the first NFL player he had to counsel.

People like me are supposed to react a certain way, I guess. I wasn't minimizing what he was telling me, but I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. He built this up and built this up to the point where he said he was nearly suicidal. What Ryan didn't know is how many gay people I've had in my life.

O'Callaghan talked about why he was telling his story now.

As long as there are people killing themselves because they are gay, there is a reason for people like me to share my story and try to help.

To some sports fans, Ryan O'Callaghan may just be a guy who spent five years pushing around 300 lbs defensive ends and protecting his Quarterback. But to so many others, he is a brave man who is sharing the pain he went through in hopes of helping others ease their own.

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