The Fiend Returns at WWE Fastlane

WWE must have been listening to all my complaints tonight because that last match between Sheamus and Drew McIntyre was exactly the amount of violent I needed to satiate my bloodlust and stop caring that this is a "filler" PPV. And next up is Alexa Bliss vs. Randy Orton, which means, of course, the return of The Fiend for a match with Orton at WrestleMania. If WWE pulls this off, it will tip this PPV from forgettable to "not too bad," which is the best you can really hope for from a WWE PPV.

Match graphic for Alexa Bliss vs. Randy Orton at WWE Fastlane (Return of the Fiend)
Match graphic for Alexa Bliss vs. Randy Orton at WWE Fastlane

WWE Fastlane Results Part 6 (I.E. Return of The Fiend)

Randy Orton vs. Alexa Bliss

We get a recap of the whole spooky saga of Alexa Bliss using black magick to make Randy Orton puke motor oil. Then Orton heads to the ring and starts puking again during his entrance. He demands a towel from the ringside towel boy and cleans himself up. He demands Bliss come to the ring for their definitely-going-to-actually-happen intergender wrestling match. Bliss comes out to a creepy remix of the Firefly Funhouse theme song.

The bell rings. Orton goes after Bliss, but she shoots fireballs at him. He charges her in the corner, but she dodges and he hits the ring post instead. Alexa skips around the outside of the ring and beckons Orton to follow her. He stalks her. Eventually, she stands her ground and uses telekinesis to drop a lighting rig from the ceiling, almost killing Orton.

She entices him to follow again, this time into the ring. When he does, she hits him in the face with another fireball. Orton gets up and walks slowly toward Bliss. A burnt hand slowly rips through the canvas behind him and grabs Orton's ankle. Orton jumps back. Flames come out of a now larger hole in the canvas and a soot-covered Fiend emerges. Bliss pushes Orton into The Fiend and a Sister Abigail. Bliss pins Orton.

Winner: Alexa Bliss

Bliss poses with The Fiend, looking like Jason Vorhees, in the ring. The choice of piped in crowd noise is silence, which is an interesting but welcome choice. This whole match was a giant f**k you to AEW, with a masterful use of pyro and the well-executed delivery of an expected surprise in a satisfying way. Credit where it's due.

Back to Chelsy for Reigns vs. Bryan, which I fully expect to be a great match.

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About Jude Terror

A prophecy claims that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero would come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events. Unfortunately, nobody can tell when the comics industry has reached its "darkest days" because it somehow keeps finding new lows to sink to. No matter! Jude Terror stands vigilant, bringing the snarkiest of comic book and pro wrestling clickbait to the undeserving readers of Bleeding Cool.
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