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Comrades! El Presidente reports on WWE Raw's Netflix debut from his LA bunker. Cena, Rhodes, and more to wrestle as Travis Scott's music plays. Viva la wrestling revolution!
Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: kevin owens, wrestling
Will Kevin Owens Defect to AEW? WWE Star Reportedly Set for New Deal
Comrades! El Presidente reports on Kevin Owens' WWE contract drama. Will he stay or join AEW? In capitalism, money is the key motivator.
Article Summary
- Kevin Owens' WWE contract may be expiring soon, sparking speculation about a potential move to AEW.
- AEW is reportedly interested in signing Owens, aiming to add him to their roster of ex-WWE stars.
- Owens' future could also be influenced by his son, who could have a potential wrestling career with WWE's developmental system.
- In wrestling, money often decides moves, reflecting the capitalist nature of contract negotiations in the industry.
Greetings, comrades! It is I, El Presidente, reporting to you live from my luxurious underground bunker beneath the presidential palace, where I am currently hiding from the CIA's latest attempt to infiltrate my country using a troupe of trained circus bears. But fear not, for not even the most acrobatic of ursine spies can keep me from bringing you the hottest wrestling news!
Today, we turn our attention to the world of professional wrestling, where the capitalist machinations of contract negotiations are once again threatening to upset the delicate balance of power. Our trusted comrade, Sean Ross Sapp of Fightful Select, has delivered some intriguing news regarding the future of one Kevin Owens, the stocky Canadian brawler who has been a thorn in the side of many WWE superstars.
According to Comrade Sapp, Owens' contract with WWE is set to expire soon, despite the fact that he signed a new deal just last year. This news has sent shockwaves through the wrestling community, much like the time I accidentally detonated an experimental earthquake machine during a meeting with my minister of agriculture. But I digress.
The plot thickens, my friends, as it appears that the upstart promotion AEW is poised to make an offer to lure Owens away from the clutches of Triple H's evil empire. This reminds me of the time Fidel and I tried to convince Che Guevara to defect from Cuba to join our two-man synchronized swimming team. Alas, history had other plans. It's true that Owens will likely never be consider "the guy" in WWE at this stage in his career, though he could remain an upper midcard start capable of slotting into any main event for years to come.
Now, one might think that Owens would be content to stay with WWE, given the numerous opportunities he has been afforded. After all, it's hard to top WrestleMania 38, where Owens was given the honor of facing the legendary "Stone Cold" Steve Austin in the Texas Rattlesnake's return match. This was truly a moment for the ages, almost as memorable as the time I arm-wrestled Vladimir Putin while riding atop a pair of nuclear submarines in the Black Sea.
Owens also has a teenage son who stands at an impressive 6'8" tall. This young giant is reportedly considering following in his father's footsteps and entering the wrestling business. One might think this would be another reason for Owens to remain with WWE, as they have a well-established developmental system that could nurture the career of his oversized offspring. It's almost as impressive as my own son, who at the age of twelve, has already developed three new forms of government oppression. They grow up so fast!
However, comrades, we must remember that in the cruel world of American capitalism, money is the ultimate deciding factor. As the great philosopher Cyndi Lauper once said, "Money changes everything." This is why I have always advocated for a socialist wrestling economy, where championships are distributed equally among the workers, and steel chairs are considered common property.
Imagine, if you will, a wrestling utopia where storylines are decided by committee, and every match ends in a time-limit draw to ensure no wrestler's ego is bruised. Picture a world where instead of a Royal Rumble, we have a Royal Redistribution of Wealth. Alas, such a paradise remains but a dream in the profit-driven nightmare that is American professional wrestling.
But let us return to the matter at hand. Will Kevin Owens remain with WWE, continuing to enjoy high-profile matches and the opportunity to guide his son's potential wrestling career? Or will he succumb to the siren song of AEW's checkbook, following in the footsteps of other ex-WWE stars like Bryan Danielson, Jon Moxley, and Adam Copeland?
Only time will tell, my friends. But one thing is certain: wherever Kevin Owens goes, his ability to deliver crushing blows to his opponents will remain undiminished. It reminds me of my own crushing blows to democracy, which I deliver with equal fervor and frequency.
In conclusion, comrades, let us watch this situation with bated breath. Will Kevin Owens stay or will he go? Will his giant son become the next big thing in professional wrestling? And will the CIA ever learn that sending circus bears to do a spy's job is a foolish endeavor? The answers to these questions and more will surely come in time.
Until then, this is El Presidente, signing off from my impenetrable bunker of wrestling analysis. Remember, comrades: in wrestling, as in life, the real winner is the one who seizes the means of production… and then hits their opponent with it!
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