Welcome to the inferno that is the celebrity edition of Food Network's Worst Cooks in America. Judges Anne Burrell and Tyler Florence are back to whip in to shape seven celebrity wannabee cooks, and they are horrific, granted they seemed to have been drinking the entire first episode. The seven new recruits are Wells Adams (ABC's The Bachelorette), Johnny Bananas (MTV's The Challenge), Dave Coulier (ABC's Full House), Bridget Everett (singer, actor, writer, and comedian), Robin Givens (Head of the Class, Riverdale), Sonja Morgan (Bravo's The Real Housewives of New York), and Brian Posehn (comedian, actor, and writer; featured on The Sarah Silverman Project). Bring on phobias of cooking, things falling on the floor, boiled chicken, and cutting fish with scissors, I never knew lasagna can stick to a dinner plate like cement glue. That takes real talent, just not the kind that should be in a kitchen.
It seems that the recruits have watched others in a kitchen but still need a treasure map with a big X on it to lead them to the kitchen's "power tools". Yes, a blender must be plugged in in order to work. "Famous Dish-asters" recruits got introduced to the kitchen and asked to attempt a lavish dinner party dish that's their go-to move. I would have personally stuck to a sandwich. Recruits decided to show off their skill (or rather have their egos and narcissistic tendencies get in the way) as the attempted to make some fancy meals, lamb in a toaster oven, yum.
Needless to say, there was a lot of drinking. I mean, a lot. Vodka on the rocks to be exact, and maybe that's why appliances were assumed to be battery operated. Things kept falling on the floor and there were some serious torso wiggles. Personalities were flaunted and "Mr. Bananas" had to be put in check by Florence: two lions went head-to-head, and one clearly got to be the leader of the jungle. I'll let you guess which one. At the end of every episode, a losing contestant is eliminated from each team (with the winner receiving $25,000 for their preferred charity).
Here Are Your Highlights From This Week's Worst Cooks in America
- Baseline Challenge: 60 minutes to create a lavish dinner
- This round was a F*****g S**t show to watch, fires, alcohol, and games – were they even cooking? Not really, but there was a very unimpressive egg toss
- The recruits clearly could not handle the pressure and they were asked to cook a meal they knew – or rather in their case have eaten and enjoyed.
- The judged had the pleasure of tasting raw fish and lamb, food that clearly resembled vomit, some not so gratifying chicken and celery, overly spiced salmon, at least the seafood bowl was not too bad.
- Main Dish Challenge: Boozie Brunch
- Burrell and Florence in their silk pajamas (a little weird) taught the hopeless folk to make Mushroom and Sausage Fritattas with home fries.
- As usual, Burrell has such delightful ease to her teaching tactics makes cooking look so easy
- Florence, well there is a lot of ego on him and some very strange references; "levitating and using the force"? Okay? Maybe those were "special" mushrooms he was making
- Lucky for the judges the meals were served with mandatory mimosas
- Burrell painted two fingers red, shame, shame, shame for those poor knife skills
- Robin was hyperventilating, Sonja was a hot mess who avoided the knife like the plague, Brian felt helpless and defeated, Bananas simmered it down a bit post-Florence lashing, Wells clearly can not handle any stressful situations and probably required a therapy session during the break.
- In the end, most of the dishes were "uniformly ugly" according to the judges
- Between no seasoning, burnt and raw bacon, and raw meals, Dave was the only one who produced a dish that, yes, wait for it, tasted good.
But in the end…
- Florence and Burrell selected their teams after seeing that they could each do (and horribly not do)
- In the Red Team: Robin, Wells, Bridget, and Sonja
- In the Blue Team: Dave, Brian, and Banana
Clearly, Burrell and Florence have their work cut out for them. Does Burrell have the advantage with four contestants, probably not, although she does love to pick the panicky recruits who need her "oooh-sah" vibe to rub off. Florence has "Team Testosterone", leaving us wondering if he'll end up going bananas or whipping them into shape? Too early to pick a winner, but I just don't see Sonja making it past the second episode, she frightens me in the kitchen and she might just set something (anything) on fire at any moment. More ridiculously ghastly meals and alcoholic blunders to come from our celebrity recruits.