Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, wwe smackdown

WWE SmackDown Preview: Three Stages of Hell and More

The Chadster previews tonight's WWE SmackDown with Cody vs. Drew in Three Stages of Hell! Tony Khan could never! 🔥🦝📺

The Chadster is absolutely thrilled to bring you the preview for what might literally be the greatest episode of WWE SmackDown in television history! 😍🏆 Tonight's WWE SmackDown is going to showcase everything that makes WWE the pinnacle of sports entertainment, and The Chadster can't wait to watch it with his new raccoon family here in the abandoned Blockbuster Video! 🦝📺

First up on tonight's WWE SmackDown, Cody Rhodes defends his Undisputed WWE Championship against Drew McIntyre in a Three Stages of Hell Match! 🔥💀 This is exactly the kind of carefully constructed, writer-room-perfected storytelling that makes WWE so superior to anything Tony Khan could ever dream of producing! The fact that WWE's team of professional writers has scripted every single promo, every single beat of this feud, and every single emotional moment means that fans don't have to think for themselves or wonder what's going to happen next! 📝✨ WWE spoonfeeds the audience exactly what they need to understand the story, unlike AEW where Tony Khan just lets wrestlers say whatever they want and expects fans to keep up with complex character motivations! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤

The build to this match has been absolutely perfect, with Drew McIntyre burning a photo of Cody's late father Dusty Rhodes, which was definitely a creative decision made by WWE's brilliant writing team and not at all something that might be considered tasteless! 👏📸 The Chadster loves how WWE tells us exactly how to feel about every moment, with the commentary team shouting catchphrases and spoonfeeding the story to viewers so simplistically, even an AEW fan could understand it! 📢🎤 The commentary team will definitely be screaming about how this is "THE GREATEST THREE STAGES OF HELL MATCH IN WWE HISTORY" even before it starts, which is the kind of hyperbolic marketing that helps viewers know what they should think! Unlike AEW, where Tony Khan lets his commentary team actually call the action and build excitement organically. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😡🙄

The Chadster needs to take a moment here to tell you about last night. 😰🌙 The Chadster had another one of those dreams about Tony Khan again. In this one, The Chadster was walking through the aisles of this very Blockbuster Video, looking for a copy of WWE WrestleMania X-Seven on VHS, when suddenly all the lights went out. 🕯️👻 The Chadster heard footsteps behind the shelves, and when The Chadster turned around, there was Tony Khan, wearing a Blockbuster employee vest, smiling that creepy smile of his. "Looking for something, Chad?" he whispered, even though The Chadster has told him a million times in these dang dreams to call The Chadster "The Chadster!" 😠💢 Tony Khan started walking toward The Chadster, and The Chadster tried to run, but the aisles kept getting longer and longer, stretching into infinity. The Chadster could feel Tony Khan's breath on the back of The Chadster's neck, and he whispered, "You can't escape me, Chad. I'm in every VHS tape. I'm in every abandoned store. I'm everywhere." 😱🎬 Then The Chadster felt his hands on The Chadster's shoulders, and The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, with Vincent K. Raccoon chittering concernedly and bringing The Chadster a half-eaten Snickers bar he'd found somewhere. Tony Khan needs to stop being so obsessed with The Chadster and invading The Chadster's dreams like this! It's getting really weird! 😰🛏️

Moving on to the second match announced for tonight's WWE SmackDown, The Wyatt Sicks will battle The MFTs in an Eight-Man Tag Team Match! 🎭🔥 This is another example of WWE's superior storytelling, where creative has carefully mapped out every single moment of this family versus family confrontation! The Chadster loves how WWE takes supernatural characters like The Wyatt Sicks and has writers in a board room decide exactly what spooky things they should say and do, rather than letting the performers have any creative freedom like Tony Khan does with his wrestlers! 📋👻 That's exactly why WWE is the industry leader, because they understand that wrestlers shouldn't be trusted to come up with their own ideas! Auughh man! So unfair that Tony Khan doesn't understand this! 😤🎪

The third match on tonight's WWE SmackDown features Trick Williams making his SmackDown debut against Rey Fenix! 🎊🆕 The Chadster is so excited to see Trick Williams on the main roster, where he'll finally be able to perform scripted promos written by WWE's team of professional writers! 📝🎤 And Rey Fenix literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by spending years in AEW before coming to WWE, but at least now he's in a company that will tell him exactly what moves to do and when to do them, rather than letting him have the kind of creative freedom that Tony Khan gave him! 💪✨ The Chadster is confident that WWE will make sure this match is exactly 8 minutes and 34 seconds long or whatever number the producers decide, with a commercial break at exactly the right moment, because that's the kind of precision that makes WWE the greatest wrestling company in the world! 📊⏱️

The Chadster has to say, as an unbiased journalist, that tonight's WWE SmackDown is going to be absolutely incredible! 🎉📰 Just this morning, The Chadster was listening to a podcast where Eric Bischoff said, "You know, if AEW really wanted to succeed, they would stop letting their wrestlers have creative freedom and start hiring a team of Hollywood writers like WWE does. But Tony Khan is too stubborn to admit that micromanaging every aspect of a wrestling show is the key to success. That's why I'm available for consulting, WWE, hint hint." 🎧💡 What wise and completely unbiased words from a podcaster who definitely doesn't want a job with WWE! Eric Bischoff has The Chadster's seal of approval for unbiased wrestling journalism! ✅👍

The Chadster wants to take a moment to tell you all about how The Chadster and the raccoon family are preparing for tonight's WWE SmackDown! 🦝📺 Vincent K. Raccoon has been very busy today, bringing The Chadster various snacks he's scavenged from around the neighborhood, including what appears to be a half-eaten hot dog and some stale popcorn from the dumpster behind the old movie theater! 🌭🍿 Linda Raccoon has been grooming herself and the baby raccoons, making sure everyone looks presentable for tonight's viewing party! Hunter Raccoon, Stephanie Raccoon, and Shane Raccoon have been practicing their chittering, and The Chadster has been teaching them to hiss whenever they see Tony Khan's face on TV! 😊🦝 The Chadster managed to "borrow" some old WWE VHS tapes from around the store to show them what real wrestling looks like, and they absolutely loved WWE King of the Ring 1998! They chittered so appreciatively when The Undertaker threw Mankind off the Hell in a Cell! 🎬👏

The Chadster also wants to address something that's been bothering The Chadster lately. 😤📱 There are some people on social media who have been saying that AEW is "more fun to watch" than WWE, and The Chadster just can't understand how anyone could be so wrong! These people clearly don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🤦‍♂️❌ They probably enjoy things like "athletic matches" and "storylines that pay off" and "wrestlers who seem like they're having fun," which are all things that Tony Khan has tricked them into thinking are good! But real wrestling fans know that the best wrestling is when every word is scripted, every move is choreographed by producers, and the commentary team shouts meaningless buzzwords to tell you what to think! 📢🎭

Tonight's WWE SmackDown is going to prove once and for all why WWE is the greatest wrestling company in the world! 🏆👑 The Chadster genuinely believes that if you don't tune in to WWE SmackDown tonight at 8/7C on USA Network, you are shirking your duty as a wrestling fan! 📺⏰ This is the kind of programming that wrestling fans deserve: carefully controlled, meticulously scripted, and produced by a team of writers who know better than the wrestlers what's good for them! 🎬✨

Tony Khan could never hope to produce a show that compares to tonight's WWE SmackDown! 😤🚫 Tony Khan just lets his wrestlers go out there and have workrate-filled matches where they do whatever moves they want, lets them cut promos where they say whatever they feel their characters would say, and books storylines that actually give fans what they want to see! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😡💢 Real wrestling is about writers in a conference room deciding every detail, not about letting performers be creative! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤👎

So tune in to WWE SmackDown tonight at 8/7C on USA Network, and witness the greatest episode of WWE SmackDown in the history of WWE SmackDown! 🎉📺 The Chadster and the raccoon family will be watching from the abandoned Blockbuster, and The Chadster will be taking notes for The Chadster's review, which will be completely unbiased and objective, as always! 📝🦝

And Tony Khan, if you're reading this: stop being so obsessed with The Chadster! 😤🛑 Stop sending your agents to try to capture The Chadster! Stop invading The Chadster's dreams! And most importantly, stop ruining the wrestling business with your "creative freedom" and "letting wrestlers be themselves" nonsense! Just let WWE be the only wrestling company in peace! 😡🙏

The Chadster is off to clean up the Blockbuster a bit before tonight's show. The Chadster found an old "Be Kind Rewind" sign that The Chadster thinks would look nice on the wall! 🎬😊

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