Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: capitalism, wrestling, wwe payback

WWE Smashes Records with Last Weekend's WWE Payback PPV

Comrades, WWE Payback piledrives capitalist records! El Presidente is here to break down all the details on the latest record-breaking PPV event.

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your beloved El Presidente, reporting to you live from the golden throne room of my opulent palace, overseeing the production of my latest line of camouflage luchador masks. Comrades, do you hear the cries from the north? The mountains tremble as reports echo all the way from Connecticut. The WWE, those capitalists in spandex, have announced that their latest spectacle, WWE Payback, has smashed records!

Yes, comrades, while we are busy spreading the glorious revolution, these titans of the ring, with their colorful performances and dramatic storylines, have been pulling in the masses. The mighty Payback event, broadcast from the bourgeois haven of PPG Paints Arena in Pittsburgh (a city El Presidente once nearly acquired in exchange for a crate of rare '80s wrestler action figures in a poker game with George W. Bush), touted the most-watched and highest-grossing edition in company history. Hulk Hogan once told me that a good body slam shakes the earth, but I didn't imagine it was literal!

Viewership of WWE Payback was a staggering 36 percent higher than the previous record set in 2016; sounds like they took some pages out of the socialism handbook for pulling in the masses! With a gate count of 12,468 (more than Kim Jong-un's birthday party), it marked the largest ever for any Payback, up by a substantial 13 percent. And believe me, comrades, I know about large gates, they come in handy when you're keeping the CIA at bay.

The lavish spectacle didn't stop there. WWE Payback, with the help of capitalistic retail partner Fanatics, smashed the merchandise sales record by an unbelievable 182 percent. Comrades, was it not me who said that a wrestling mask beats a baseball cap in any revolution? Perhaps, even the common masses have started to see the light of socialism through the lens of wrestling spandex.

The WWE went on to claim that 2023's Payback was the most social version of the event, pulling in a stunning 146 million views. That's more than the audience for El Presidente's annual "Defeating the CIA Again" festival. The most-viewed moment of the event was when Cody Rhodes declared that Jey Uso would join the Monday Night Raw roster, generating a whopping seven million views in a mere day. Even Vladimir Putin's yearly shirtless horse-riding spectacle fails to garner such numbers!

They may be capitalists, but El Presidente cannot deny the WWE's success. For now, we vive la lucha – but if they start stepping into socialist territory, I reassured comrade Putin in our last wrestling match that El Presidente has his wrestling spandex ready for any Cold War revival in the squared circle! Till the next bulletin, comrades, keep those luchador masks on, and remember to rip the doors off capitalism, one body slam at a time. Viva la Revolución!

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