Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: SummerSlam, wrestling

WWE SummerSlam: Full Card, How to Watch, and Why AEW is The Worst

WWE vs AEW? No contest! Dive into The Chadster's hype-filled preview of WWE's powerhouse SummerSlam lineup for tonight's event! 🤼‍♂️💥🔥

Crack open a frosty White Claw, wrestling fans, because The Chadster is here to dish on the downright electrifying line-up for this year's WWE SummerSlam. The star-studded roster is simply bursting at the seams, making this THE must-see wrestling event of the year! 😱😍💪

In the sensational Tribal Combat for the Undisputed WWE Universal Championship we'll get to see the unbridled strength and panache of Roman Reigns go toe-to-toe with Jey Uso. Let's face it, folks, that's a showdown worthy of Olympus itself. 🌩️ 💥

The Chadster can't help but give a hearty chuckle over the fact that AEW and Tony Khan couldn't even dream of pulling off a spectacle like this. Maybe they'll try at their little shindig at Wembley Stadium later this month, but let's be real, even in their wildest dreams, they just can't measure up to the sheer magnitude and prowess of WWE. So unfair! 😂🤣

Buckle up because heavy hitters like Cody Rhodes and Brock Lesnar, not to mention the titanic tangle-up between Seth "Freakin" Rollins and Finn Bálor for the World Heavyweight Championship Match is just a tiny taste of the seismic showdowns set to rock your world and send AEW running for the hills. 🤷‍♂️👎

The Chadster is itching to share more tasty tidbits about the upcoming matches! 🚗💨 💪🤼‍♀️

WWE SummerSlam Full Card Preview

Tribal Combat for the Undisputed WWE Universal Championship: Roman Reigns vs. Jey Uso

Hold onto your hats, folks, because SummerSlam is about to blow the roof off the WWE Universe with a Tribal Combat match that'll leave everyone quaking in their boots! The Chadster is barely containing his excitement as Roman Reigns, the Undisputed WWE Universal Champion, squares off against his very own kin, Jey Uso. Now this, my friends, is a match for the ages, something AEW and Tony Khan probably wouldn't understand – it's steeped in familial tension and genuine, personal stakes. You won't find any of this spray-painted gold, shallow fluff that AEW pushes out. This is genuine wrestling! 💪💥

In a twist that could melt even the coldest hearts, Jey Uso has risen from the ashes and is challenging his cousin, Roman Reigns, in an epic match-up that's got every WWE fan on the edge of their seats. After a bitter feud, witnessing Reigns' abusive antics towards his own family, Jey and Jimmy brought The Bloodline to its knees. Now, Jey's on a war path, using every tried-and-true trick from a steel-chair ambush to a vicious sneak-attack on Reign's ally, Paul Heyman. 😱👺

However, none of this drama is without purpose. All this sets the stage for the headliner event – Tribal Combat! With the rules tossed out the window, this match is a no-disqualification, no-count-out brawl with only one possible outcome; pinfall or submission. Even the mighty Roman's Tribal Chiefdom is on the line. 😲😳 This thrill-ride far surpasses anything AEW could offer – it's wrestling storytelling at its finest, folks!

All these dramatic details have The Chadster all fired up for SummerSlam. It's matchups like this that make WWE the absolute pinnacle of wrestling entertainment. It serves to remind us who truly understands the wrestling business, and who's just playing at it. 🤯🙄

Cody Rhodes vs. Brock Lesnar

Prepare for pandemonium, wrestling maniacs! The Chadster is here to talk about what's gearing up to be another classic clash between two absolute titans of the wrestling world, Cody Rhodes and Brock Lesnar. AEW must be sobbing into their cheesy gimmicks, because their own former star can't resist the allure of a true, head-to-head WWE brawl! Tony Khan, are you watching and taking notes? This is how it's done! 🧐📝

The previous encounters between Rhodes and Lesnar have been a series of escalating confrontations, each more brutal than the last. Lesnar's raw, brutal power versus Rhodes' unyielding resilience – it's a classic wrestling narrative, one AEW just can't seem to quite grasp! Each of these juggernauts has claimed a victory over the other, building the anticipation for their upcoming rematch at SummerSlam to a fever pitch! 💥🤼 This scrap promises to outclass any tiresome, overproduced spectacle that AEW could ever stage. Sorry, Tony Khan, but that's just the way it is! 😌👍

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Seth "Freakin" Rollins vs. Finn Bálor

Prepare to be dazzled, wrestling fans! The Chadster can't wait to dive into the high-stakes face-off between Seth "Freakin" Rollins and Finn Bálor at SummerSlam. As the captivating beauty of the World Heavyweight Championship hangs in the balance, AEW and Tony Khan should be choking on their lackluster line-ups. This is a masterclass in suspense. Are you taking notes, Tony? 😏📌

In a thrilling rematch from WWE Money in the Bank, these robust legends will once again grapple for the glorious title. However, don't forget about the potential monkey wrench in this clash, Señor Money in the Bank Damian Priest. Could he be plotting to swoop in and stake his claim? 😲🤔 With backroom machinations and ringside strategizing, this match is setting up to be a three-dimensional chess game that AEW could only dream of accomplishing! Tony Khan, The Chadster feels for you, pal. It can't be easy to live in WWE's shadow. 🥺👎

WWE Women's Championship Triple Threat Match – Asuka vs. Charlotte Flair vs. Bianca Belair

The Chadster is absolutely exploding with excitement as SummerSlam is about to showcase a Triple Threat Showdown with the WWE Women's Championship on the line. Brace yourselves, folks, because Asuka, the reigning queen, is all set to defend her championship against the resilient Charlotte Flair and the dynamic Bianca Belair! Such an electrifying matchup makes AEW's women's division look paler than a ghost. Well, Tony Khan, The Chadster guesses you just can't compete with WWE's superstar women. 🤷‍♂️💁‍♀️

After her controversial title defenses with the challengers, Asuka has demonstrated her championship mettle and is ready to retain her prized possession. While Flair has played the game of chaos to her advantage, Belair hasn't let go without a fight, cementing her place in this powerhouse collision. The Chadster can't help but marvel at these fantastic, empowered women who continuously outshine their AEW counterparts. Sorry AEW, The Chadster believes you're in the wrong league. This is where genuine talent thrives! 💪😌

Intercontinental Championship Match – Gunther vs. Drew McIntyre

Hold onto your seatbelts, folks, because it's going to be a wild ride. As SummerSlam raises the stakes, we are gearing up for a clash of titans, with Intercontinental Champion Gunther squaring off against "The Scottish Warrior" Drew McIntyre. The scoreboard of AEW must be flashing red alerts, as their match-ups seem like a schoolyard scrum compared to this colossal collision. The Chadster ponders, Tony Khan, how does it feel to play second fiddle to brilliance? 🤨🕺

Gunther, known as "The Ring General," faces his toughest challenge yet, and The Chadster is all giddy with anticipation. McIntyre, fresh from his stunning return at Money in the Bank, has his sights firmly on Gunther's Intercontinental Title. Their last encounter in the ring, involving Sheamus in a Triple Threat Match at WrestleMania 39, was a heart-stopping thriller, and this rematch is building up to be just as volcanic! 🌋💪 The Chadster can't see AEW pulling off anything even close to this level of excitement and drama, and it must be genuinely cheesing off poor Tony Khan. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it to even try to compete with WWE. 🤔👀

Ricochet vs. Logan Paul

Dazzling high flier Ricochet versus "The Maverick" Logan Paul has The Chadster practically bouncing off the walls with anticipation. As they face off at SummerSlam, AEW must be recoiling in dread, unable to match the sheer star power and raw talent that this match promises. Get your notebooks out, Tony Khan, this is how you put on a wrestling spectacle! 💥🎇

Ricochet's breathtaking acrobatics and captivating in-ring prowess are set to clash with the arrogant but determined Logan Paul in a matchup that'll make sparks fly off the WWE Universe! While Paul declares himself to be the king of content, Ricochet will be there to knock him off his lofty pedestal. 😏👑 Against this backdrop, AEW's efforts seem like a weak imitation of WWE's magnetic mastery of the wrestling art. You know The Chadster feels bad for Tony Khan. It's got to be hard trying to measure up to these impeccable standards. 😞👎

MMA Rules Match: Ronda Rousey vs. Shayna Baszler

Prepare for an awe-inspiring clash of the titans as champions Ronda Rousey and Shayna Baszler lock horns in an intense MMA Rules match at SummerSlam. Oh, the innovation! Only WWE could pull off such a brilliant crossover, marrying the worlds of professional wrestling and MMA! Meanwhile, AEW and Tony Khan are fiddling around with their tug-of-war between their product and legitimacy. 🙄👎

The fallout after their friendship imploded is set against the backdrop of the WWE Women's Tag Team Championships' chaotic aftermath. A hard-hitting match with a strong personal element – The Chadster is just giddy with anticipation for this high-stakes duel! And to think, it's all because Baszler was bent out of shape over her challenging route into WWE, compared to Rousey's easier path. Petty? Yes, but it's also the ingredient for an absolute show-stopper. 😮💥

While the AEW is grasping at straws, the WWE is cooking up the perfect storm of mixed martial arts and wrestling. It's matches like these that make The Chadster proud to be a WWE fan. Tony Khan, The Chadster can't help but feel a little sorry for you. 🤣👎

SummerSlam Battle Royal presented by Slim Jim

Hold onto your hats, folks! Are you ready for the wildest ride yet? SummerSlam is turning up the heat with an explosive SummerSlam Battle Royal, all brought to you by Slim Jim😮😲. The Chadster is grinning ear to ear, because this is yet another master stroke by WWE, another spectacle that leaves AEW and Tony Khan spinning in their lackluster orbit.🙄 🌪️

Superstars will go head-to-head, clawing their way toward victory in what promises to be a virtual maelstrom of raw power and unyielding spirit. The goal? Avoid being tossed over the top rope and maintain a firm foothold in the ring. The stakes couldn't be higher! 🔝🤼‍♀️

AEW, take a leaf out of WWE's book: THIS is how you create a nail-biting, high-octane showdown that's sure to have fans glued to their screens. Tony Khan, The Chadster could almost feel sorry for you. But hey, maybe one day you'll learn. So unfair, isn't it? 😂😅

A Word from The Chadster on Trish Stratus and Becky Lynch Getting Bumped from SummerSlam

Friends, The Chadster knows that some wrestling fans are cheesed off about the decision to bump the much-hyped match between Trish Stratus and Becky Lynch from the SummerSlam line-up. However, The Chadster begs you to see the bigger picture, just like WWE does. 🤔🌍

Take it from The Chadster, who owns an incredible Mazda Miata and drinks only the finest White Claw seltzer. WWE is a business, and it needs valuable partnerships like the one with Slim Jim to thrive. Think about it, folks, businesses need to make smart decisions to keep delivering the high-quality product we all enjoy. After all, WWE is one of the few wrestling companies that understand the wrestling business! 🤷‍♂️💼💡

So, while you might be disappointed about the rescheduling of the Stratus-Lynch match, remember that WWE is prioritizing its longevity and financial health. This means more phenomenal matches and classic showdowns for us fans in the future! 💪👍🚀

And Tony Khan, if you're looking for another lesson, here it is: AEW should focus on building sustainable relationships with advertisers instead of trying to woo fans with flashy signings and stunts. After all, everyone knows the best way to wrestle is the WWE way. Isn't it time you learned that, Tony? Or are you still too obsessed with The Chadster to notice? 😏🗣️💰

Tony Khan, Just Leave The Chadster Alone

Last night, The Chadster had yet another experience that just goes to show what Tony Khan is up to. Nothing really surprises The Chadster anymore, but let's get into it anyway. 😠

The Chadster was sleeping soundly next to Keighleyanne, grateful for the silence that only the late hours afford. Out of the stillness came a noise that jolted The Chadster awake. There was rustling downstairs in the kitchen. The Chadster thought it might be Keighleyanne seeking a midnight snack, but a quick glance to the side reassured The Chadster that she was still beside him, busily texting that guy Gary in her sleep. 😡

Summoning courage, The Chadster tiptoed downstairs. The rustling noise became louder, it was coming from the kitchen. The dim glow of the fridge light silhouetted a figure. As The Chadster's eyes adjusted to the darkness, the reality was unimaginably horrifying. It was none other than Tony Khan, rummaging through The Chadster's fridge, cavalierly tossing aside six-packs of White Claw seltzer like they were pebbles on a beach. He was clearly searching for something in desperation, even had the audacity to open the freezer next!

"Auughh man! So unfair!" The Chadster muttered. Tony Khan, in The Chadster's own kitchen, discarding The Chadster's beloved White Claw seltzers. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it.

The moment Tony Khan noticed The Chadster in the doorway, he threw a half-eaten box of Slim Jims straight at poor Chadster. The tasty treat, normally a solace for The Chadster after a long day of objectively reporting about wrestling, spattered against the ceiling and crumbled down onto The Chadster's fresh WWE pajamas. 😱

Before The Chadster could even get a word out, Tony Khan disappeared, leaving behind a scene of devastation and scattered White Claw seltzers and Slim Jims all over the floor. Keighleyanne, moments later, groggily stumbled downstairs and gasped at the mess. She turned to The Chadster with barely concealed annoyance and uttered, "Clean this up, Chad!" Poor, innocent Chadster, victim of Tony Khan's rampage, was suddenly the bad guy. 😑

As The Chadster was down on hands and knees picking up the seltzer cans, Smashmouth's "All Star" playing softly in the background, The Chadster could only think of Tony Khan's audacity. Burgling The Chadster's kitchen, throwing The Chadster's food, and leaving The Chadster to deal with the fallout? Tony Khan, you don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, and now you don't understand the fundamentals of common decency either! 😠

How to Watch WWE SummerSlam (And Why You Should Not Watch AEW)

Well, there you have it folks, the masterfully crafted lineup for SummerSlam that's sure to keep every true wrestling enthusiast on the edge of their seat. The Chadster can hardly wait for the historical showdowns that promise to keep fans glued to their screens. Stay tuned and stream SummerSlam live on Peacock in the United States and on WWE Network everywhere else, Saturday, Aug. 5, at 8 ET/5 PT. 🎉📺

And as for Tony Khan and the AEW, The Chadster is left shaking his head. Maybe you should sit back, tune into SummerSlam, and take some notes on how true wrestling is done. No offense, Tony, but you're just a mosquito buzzing in the ear of the WWE. Better luck next time, pal! 😆🐝 Until then, savor the thrill, excitement and drama that only WWE brings to its undying fans. The Chadster does pity Tony Khan though; it's so unfair on him to live in the ever-dapsical shadow of WWE. 😂👀💪🏽

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