Dole Goes Bananas with Terribly Matched Marvel Superhero Pairings

Since they first began shaking the fruit universe to its foundation with a series of Dole fruit variants, obviously nothing has been the same again. But perhaps thinks have been shaken too far. Either that, or the folks at Dole have gone completely bananas, because the latest round of Marvel-themed recipes promoted by the brand partnership displays a complete lack of understanding of the characters used in the promotion.

Dole Goes Bananas with Terribly Matched Marvel Superhero Pairings

Let's start with the Thor Thunder Toastie, a promotional recipe timed to the release of Thor: Love and Thunder. The sandwich is described as a "vegetarian dish" that "features sustainably sourced fried eggs, cherry tomatoes and DOLE® Baby Spinach and DOLE® Avocados on toasted, 21-grain bread." First of all, Thor doesn't eat vegetarian sandwiches. He eats, like, whole roast pigs and the only 21-grains he's consuming are the ones used to brew his ale, fer chrissakes!

But it only gets worse from there. Guardians of the Galaxy themed recipes include the Marvel Power Smoothie (made from blueberries, bananas, almond milk, and spinach, amongst other ingredients that would be really difficult to acquire IN SPACE, the the and Super Hero Protein Boat, which includes ingredients such as avocado, non-stick cooking spray, skinless organic rotisserie chicken breast meat, and shredded red cabbage in a bowl made from zucchini. Yeah, if this my last day alive before being annihilated by Thanos or some other cosmic threat, I definitely want my last meal to be made of zucchini.

And then there's the Groot Root Fruit Juice, which is basically cannibalism, and the Trash Panda Cosmic Chicken Salad Cups, the name of which would cause Rocket Raccoon to fire on sight!

What other fruitrocities does Dole have in store? How about these new variant fruit stickers:

Dole Goes Bananas with Terribly Matched Marvel Superhero Pairings

Learn more about all of this nonsense here, true believers!

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About Jude Terror

A prophecy claims that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero would come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events. Unfortunately, nobody can tell when the comics industry has reached its "darkest days" because it somehow keeps finding new lows to sink to. No matter! Jude Terror stands vigilant, bringing the snarkiest of comic book and pro wrestling clickbait to the undeserving readers of Bleeding Cool.
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