Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, recaps, wrestling

AEW Collision: CM Punk Destroys WWE Legacy with Win over Samoa Joe

CM Punk finally defeats Samoa Joe on AEW Collision, destroying both men's WWE legacies, and Tony Khan continues to torment The Chadster's dreams! 🤦‍♂️

Howdy, Esteemed Readers! The Chadster is here once again with your most comprehensive report on yesterday's AEW Collision. 📢 The highlight of the event? None other than CM Punk scoring an unlikely victory over Samoa Joe in the main event of the night, earning himself a spot in the next round of the Owen Hart tournament against Ricky Starks. 🥊 To say The Chadster is cheesed would be putting it lightly! If only The Chadster could drive away from this madness in his Mazda Miata while blasting some classic Smash Mouth, but alas, professional duty calls! 😩

Let's set the scene: to kick off the show, CM Punk makes a not-so grand entrance, demanding a microphone to, well, jabber about Owen Hart and his humongous influence on the wrestling world. We get it, they respect the man. But did The Chadster ever tell you about the time when WWE honored Hall of Famer Andre The Giant? You don't see The Chadster droning about it like an injured cat!

Following a high-octane fight with Samoa Joe, of all people, in the main event, Punk manages to defy logic and expectations by coming out on top, all thanks to a quick footwork maneuver. Auughh man! So unfair!🤦‍♂️ Samoa Joe has literally stabbed Vince McMahon right in the back by losing to Punk. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it.

Next thing you know, Punk is face-to-face with Ricky Starks, anticipation building for their clash in the tournament's final round. But wait! Samoa Joe, like a sore loser, puts Punk in a sleeper hold. A move that honestly made The Chadster chuckle. 🤣 Bet Tony Khan thought that would annoy us WWE fans, but au contraire!

But enough about that debacle, let's delve into a nightmare The Chadster had last night about Tony Khan. This time, the dream found The Chadster waking up to the smell of a delicious breakfast🍳, only to realize Tony Khan was in the kitchen instead of Keighleyanne! The nerve of that guy! 😡 He was flipping pancakes shaped like Jon Moxley's head and making eggs inside a Kenny Omega-themed iron skillet. The Chadster wouldn't touch any of it! It was horrifying!

The Chadster was relieved to wake up, but when The Chadster went downstairs for breakfast this morning, Keighleyanne was nowhere to be found! She was just lounging on the sofa, blissfully texting away with that guy Gary! 📱 No pancakes. No eggs. Just the bitter realization that Tony Khan is ruining The Chadster's home life as well as his favorite sport.

In other results, Ricky Starks overpowered Powerhouse Hobbs, Julia Hart defeated Bambi Hall, and Bullet Club Gold came out on top against FTR. Also, Action Andretti was defeated by Scorpio Sky. But honestly, The Chadster doesn't care what else happened on AEW Collision. There's already enough on his plate with Tony Khan's ongoing mission to cheese off The Chadster at every turn. The Chadster should start charging Tony Khan for these White Claw seltzers that keep getting wasted.

Stay strong, fellow WWE loyalists! We shall brave this storm of unfairness together. 👍 Until next time, remember to always wave the banner of WWE high! Or at least as high as The Chadster can from the driver's seat of his Mazda Miata.🚗

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