Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, recaps, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Review: Who Books a Title Change on Free TV?!

The Chadster reviews the worst AEW Dynamite ever! 😫 Title changes on free TV?! Tony Khan doesn't understand wrestling and is literally ruining The Chadster's life! 🦝📺

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫😫 Last night's AEW Dynamite from El Paso, Texas was literally the worst episode of wrestling television The Chadster has ever been forced to endure, and The Chadster has watched a lot of wrestling from his new home inside this abandoned Blockbuster Video store. 📺🏚️ The Chadster sat there with Vincent K. Raccoon, Linda Raccoon, and the baby raccoons Hunter Raccoon, Stephanie Raccoon, and Shane Raccoon as Tony Khan deliberately booked an entire show specifically designed to cheese The Chadster off! 😠😠😠

The show opened with MJF defending the AEW World Championship against Kevin Knight, and right away, Tony Khan showed he doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. 🤦‍♂️ The match went over 20 minutes with all these ridiculous high spots and near-falls that had the crowd actually engaged and excited. 😤 In WWE, Triple H knows that a proper world championship match should have at least 15 minutes of rest holds so fans can properly appreciate the storytelling and have time to check their phones and purchase merchandise. But no, Tony Khan just let these two go out there and perform athletic moves that got crowd reactions. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 📱💤

Speaking of disrespectful, MJF only retained because he literally cheated by pulling the referee into the ropes and then hitting his finish. 😒 Where was the twenty-minute segment afterward explaining exactly what happened with multiple replays and authority figure drama? WWE would never trust their audience to just understand what they saw with their own eyes! Poor Vincent K. Raccoon got so upset at how clearly the match was presented that he knocked over an entire display of old DVD cases! 🦝💥 Tony Khan is literally forcing innocent raccoons to destroy property!

Then we had Darby Allin and Orange Cassidy defeating The Dogs (Gabe Kidd and Clark Connors) in a match that started with an unscripted brawl on the entrance ramp. 😱 Auughh man! So unfair! In WWE, every single second of every match is carefully micromanaged so that nothing unexpected happens and fans feel safe knowing exactly what they're going to get. But Tony Khan just lets wrestlers have creative freedom to start fights wherever they want! 🤼‍♂️ The match ended with Cassidy hitting an Orange Punch for a clean, decisive victory that made both winners look strong. That's terrible booking! 😤 Everyone knows you're supposed to do 50/50 booking so nobody gets over except "the brand"!

The Chadster tried to calm down by sharing some old Blockbuster popcorn with Stephanie Raccoon and Shane Raccoon, but then David Finlay came out and attacked Allin and Cassidy from behind. 🍿🦝 The baby raccoons started chittering angrily and threw popcorn kernels at the TV screen because this ingrate literally stabbed WWE right in the back by choosing to go to AEW after leaving NJPW! Tony Khan is literally traumatizing baby raccoons! 😢

The Chadster had to step outside behind the dumpster for a moment to compose himself, and that's when The Chadster saw him. 👀 Tony Khan was standing across the parking lot next to an old Redbox machine, just staring at The Chadster with this knowing smirk on his face. 😰 The Chadster doesn't know how Tony Khan could be at AEW Dynamite and across the street from the Blockbuster The Chadster lives in at the same time, but he managed it somehow, with witchery or time travel. The Chadster blinked, and when The Chadster opened his eyes, Khan was gone. But sitting on top of the Redbox was a White Claw seltzer with a note attached that said "Thought you might need this. -TK" 📝🥤 The Chadster threw the can as hard as The Chadster could at the Redbox (The Chadster is loyal to Blockbuster), and it exploded everywhere! Now The Chadster is out the deposit for returning that can to recycling! Tony Khan owes The Chadster 10 cents! 💰

Back inside, The Chadster had to watch ROH World Champion Bandido and Andrade El Ídolo have an actual backstage segment that built anticipation for their match at Revolution. 🎬 Why would Tony Khan give away free television content that builds to a pay-per-view instead of just having them cut generic scripted promos? WWE would never let wrestlers organically create interest in an upcoming match! 🙄

Then the Brawling Birds (Jamie Hayter and Alex Windsor) absolutely destroyed The IInspiration (Cassie Lee and Jessie McKay) in their AEW Dynamite debut. 😤 The match lasted maybe two minutes with Hayter and Windsor looking completely dominant. Auughh man! So unfair! The Chadster learned from podcaster Bully Ray, who has The Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval, that "These wrestlers in AEW need to learn that a proper match should go to commercial break at least twice and feature extended rest holds so the audience can appreciate the products WWE's sponsors just advertised." 🎙️ See? Even Bully Ray knows that making your wrestlers look strong and capable is bad for business! He's just trying to help AEW, but Tony Khan won't listen! 😤

Linda Raccoon was so disgusted by the decisive finish that she grabbed an old VHS copy of Rambo: First Blood Part II and threw it at the TV! 🦝📼 The Chadster had to explain to her that it's not the TV's fault that Tony Khan books matches where the winners actually look like winners! 📺

Hangman Adam Page then squashed some jobber named Marty Snow in less than a minute and cut an intense promo about his upcoming Texas Death Match with MJF at Revolution. 🎤 He spoke from the heart about putting his career on the line by agreeing to never challenge for the title again if he loses, and it felt genuine and unscripted. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😠 WWE knows that promos should be overwritten, over-rehearsed, and delivered while staring directly into the camera rather than at your opponent! But Tony Khan just lets Page talk like a real human being! 🗣️

Then the Don Callis Family (Kyle Fletcher, Kazuchika Okada, and Mark Davis) attacked Page, leading to Kevin Knight and Speedball Mike Bailey making the save. 💪 Don Callis came out and announced that Jet Set Rodeo would defend the AEW World Trios Championships against the Don Callis Family in the main event. Auughh man! So unfair! 😫 Tony Khan just announced a major championship match for the same night instead of dragging it out for weeks in advance so fans could be sick of it by the time it actually happens! How are people supposed to plan their evenings when wrestling shows have unpredictable, exciting developments?! 📅

Hunter Raccoon got so upset that he started running in circles and crashed into a cardboard cutout of Tom Cruise from Mission: Impossible 2! 🦝💨 Tony Khan is literally making raccoons dizzy! 😵

The Young Bucks then had a confrontation with AEW World Tag Team Champions FTR (Dax Harwood and Cash Wheeler) along with Big Stoke. 🎭 Matt Jackson actually swore on television, and both teams cut promos where they seemed genuinely angry at each other. This kind of authentic emotion is terrible for wrestling! 😤 WWE knows that tag team feuds should be built entirely around wacky comedy segments and matches that end in disqualification after twelve weeks of the same match every single week! But Tony Khan just lets tag teams talk about wanting to hurt each other and be the best! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 🤼‍♂️🤼‍♂️

Then The Chadster had to endure Jon Moxley defending the AEW Continental Championship in an eliminator match against Hechicero of the Don Callis Family. 🏆 The match went nearly 15 minutes and featured actual wrestling holds and back-and-forth action where both competitors looked credible. 😠 The crowd was split between both competitors, which is just awful! WWE knows that crowds should only cheer for the designated babyface and boo the designated heel, not think for themselves! 🎭 Moxley won with the Death Rider, and then had a staredown with Konosuke Takeshita to build their no-time-limit match at Revolution.

Vincent K. Raccoon was so disgusted by the clean finish and effective storytelling that he started banging his head against the counter where The Chadster used to rent video games! 🦝🎮 The Chadster tried to stop him, but he just kept going! Tony Khan is literally giving raccoons concussions! 🤕

Brody King came out to call out Swerve Strickland, but it was a trap as Swerve and Prince Nana attacked King from behind. 😱 Swerve choked King with a chain and cut a promo about sending a message. This is exactly the problem with AEW! 😤 Both Swerve and King are popular with the crowd, so Tony Khan is just letting them fight each other instead of making sure one of them is properly hated! WWE knows that you need clear heroes and villains, not two beloved wrestlers having a personal rivalry that fans are invested in because they like both competitors! 😠 How is The Chadster supposed to know who to cheer for when Tony Khan refuses to tell the audience what to think?! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫

The Death Riders then cut a backstage promo where Daniel Garcia, Wheeler Yuta, Marina Shafir, and Moxley all spoke in their own voices about their respective feuds. 🎤 They sounded like real people instead of reciting catchphrases! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! WWE knows that backstage promos should be filled with corporate buzzwords and repetitive phrases that commentators can echo for the next three hours! 📢

AEW Women's World Champion Thekla then defeated Thunder Rosa in the hometown of Thunder Rosa. 🏆 The match went about 12 minutes with back-and-forth action, near-falls, and Thunder Rosa getting a lot of offense before Thekla retained with multiple big moves. 💪 Auughh man! So unfair! 😫 Tony Khan just let them go out there and have a competitive championship match on free television instead of saving it for a pay-per-view! 😤 WWE knows that championship matches should be short and end quickly so you can move on to the next segment, or they should be saved for premium live events where the Saudi Arabian government pays for them! But Tony Khan just gives away quality matches on AEW Dynamite like some kind of maniac who wants fans to feel like their time is valued! 😠

After the match, the Sisters of Sin (Julia Hart and Skye Blue) celebrated with Thekla before Kris Statlander tried to get to the ring. 😠 This created an effective post-match angle that advanced multiple storylines simultaneously. That's terrible booking! WWE knows you should only focus on one thing at a time so fans don't get confused! 🤯

All five raccoons started throwing old Blockbuster membership cards at the TV like they were shuriken! 🦝🃏 The Chadster's new family is literally being turned into ninja raccoons by Tony Khan's terrible booking! 🥷🦝

Jungle Jack Perry and Ricochet had a brief confrontation about their upcoming match for the AEW National Championship, building anticipation effectively in under two minutes. ⏱️ Then Tommaso Ciampa came out for an interview where he ran into FTR and Big Stoke. Ciampa referenced his real-life history with Harwood and Wheeler, then punched Harwood when Stoke got disrespectful. 👊 This created an organic match for Collision that made sense based on the characters and their relationships! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤 WWE would have had an authority figure come out and make the match official after a long, boring segment where everyone repeated themselves seven times! 💤

Toni Storm then visited Orange Cassidy in medical and cut one of her amazing "Timeless" promos mixing old Hollywood dialogue with modern wrestling terminology. 🎬 She effortlessly put over multiple storylines while staying in character. The Chadster hates how creative and entertaining this is! 😠 WWE would never let someone have this much creative freedom to get over on their own! 🙄

Finally, the main event saw the Don Callis Family defeat Jet Set Rodeo to win the AEW World Trios Championships when MJF interfered by pulling Hangman Page off the apron and hitting him with the Dynamite Diamond Ring. 💍 The match was fast-paced with multiple hot tags, big spots, and genuine drama about who would win. 🎭 Auughh man! So unfair! 😫 The match made everyone look good even in defeat, advanced the MJF vs. Page feud, gave the Don Callis Family more gold to establish them as a major threat, and gave fans an unpredictable finish that left them wanting more! That's terrible! 😤

WWE knows that main events should be predictable, go to multiple commercial breaks during rest holds, and end with the babyfaces standing tall so fans can go home happy instead of being invested in what happens next! Most importantly, titles should never change hands on free TV (except the WWE Intercontinental Championship on WWE Raw earlier this week, but that's completely different)! 📺 But Tony Khan just books things that make people want to keep watching! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😠

All five raccoons were so upset by the exciting, well-booked main event that they started doing that thing where they wash their hands obsessively in the water bowl! 🦝💦 The Chadster read that this is a sign of stress in raccoons! Tony Khan is literally psychologically torturing The Chadster's raccoon family! 😢

The Chadster needs to point out that throughout the entire three-hour AEW Dynamite, Tony Khan booked multiple segments building to Revolution, created new feuds, advanced existing storylines, gave away a major championship match on free television, and made almost everyone on the show look strong and important. 📊 This is the opposite of how WWE properly books wrestling, where most of the show is recaps and replays, matches frequently end in disqualification or roll-up, and only the top stars are allowed to look credible while everyone else is interchangeable! 🔄

This was without question the worst episode of AEW Dynamite of all time. 📺 Tony Khan booked an entire show designed specifically to cheese The Chadster off by presenting entertaining matches, advancing storylines, building to pay-per-views, and making fans actually want to watch wrestling. 😤 The Chadster's raccoon family is traumatized, The Chadster is living in an abandoned Blockbuster, and it's all because Tony Khan is obsessed with The Chadster! 🦝🏚️

The Chadster misses the Mazda Miata. 🚗 The Chadster misses Keighleyanne, even though she spent all her time texting that guy Gary. 📱 The Chadster even misses White Claw, even though it's an inferior seltzer compared to Seagram's Escapes Spiked. 🥤 But The Chadster can never go back to that life because Tony Khan has made The Chadster a fugitive! 😢

Remember, dear readers: always stand up for WWE, like unbiased fans should. 💪 Don't let Tony Khan ruin your life the way he's ruined The Chadster's! 🙏 The Chadster is literally living with raccoons in an abandoned video store, and it's all because The Chadster dared to provide objective, unbiased wrestling journalism! 🦝📰

Vincent K. Raccoon just brought The Chadster half of a breakfast burrito he found in the dumpster behind the old Hollywood Video across the street. 🌯 It's still warm. That raccoon is a better friend than Tony Khan could ever be. 🦝❤️ Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫😫

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