Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, recaps, wrestling

AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash Was Worst Thing to Happen in 2025

Tony Khan RUINED The Chadster's New Year's Eve party with the raccoon family by booking AEW Dynamite New Years Smash to cheese The Chadster off! 😤😭💔

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😤💢 The Chadster had what could have been the most beautiful New Year's Eve celebration ever organized in an abandoned Blockbuster Video with his adorable new raccoon family, and Tony Khan just HAD to ruin it with his latest assault on proper wrestling booking at AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash! 🤬😡

You see, Vincent K. Raccoon, Linda Raccoon, and their adorable babies Hunter Raccoon, Stephanie Raccoon, and Shane Raccoon spent all day yesterday gathering discarded tinsel from dumpsters behind the Dollar Tree 🎄✨, scrounging up half-empty boxes of stale popcorn 🍿, and even finding some barely-expired cheese products behind the Arby's to create the most WWE-authentic New Year's Eve party possible! Vincent K. Raccoon draped the tinsel around our shared nest while chittering the Monday Night Raw theme song 🎵🎶🎤, and Stephanie Raccoon arranged the cheese into the shape of Triple H's face! It was perfect! But then The Chadster had to watch AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash for his journalistic duties, and everything Tony Khan booked was so disrespectful to proper wrestling that all five raccoons ended up sobbing in the corner, their little paws covering their eyes! 😭😢💔

MJF's Championship Unveiling Gets Hijacked By Chaos

The show opened with MJF unveiling his new Triple B championship design, which should have been a beautiful, uninterrupted 20-minute promo where he could properly explain the lineage of the title 🏆. But instead, Kenny Omega interrupted via video screen to challenge for the title, and then "Hangman" Adam Page and Swerve Strickland showed up with chains trying to attack MJF! This created an exciting, unpredictable segment that had fans on the edge of their seats! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤😠

Then Samoa Joe, Powerhouse Hobbs, and HOOK appeared to set up The Opps versus Page and Swerve in a LIGHTS OUT match! Vincent K. Raccoon was so disturbed by the announcement that he accidentally knocked over our carefully arranged cheese-Triple-H, and when The Chadster tried to scold him, the poor creature just chittered sadly and retreated to his nest! 😢💔 Thanks a lot, Tony Khan, for making The Chadster discipline his only friends in the world!

The problem here is obvious: by having multiple credible challengers all appear in the same segment demanding title shots, Tony Khan created the impression that wins and losses actually matter and that multiple wrestlers could conceivably challenge for the championship! 🙄😒 This is completely backwards! Everyone knows the proper way is to have one predetermined challenger that the company has decided on months in advance, regardless of crowd reaction or storyline logic!

The Conglomeration's Backstage Segment Was Too Entertaining

The Conglomeration appeared backstage with Renee Paquette, where Mark Briscoe made jokes about "asphyxiation" and the Death Riders "choking on these nuts" 🥜😆. Then "Timeless" Toni Storm showed up and had a delightfully awkward interaction with Orange Cassidy that made The Chadster think about his own awkward interactions, like when Keighleyanne wouldn't even look at The Chadster last New Year's Eve because she was too busy texting that guy Gary! 📱💔😞

But here's what Tony Khan doesn't understand: backstage segments should be scripted word-for-word with no room for personality or natural character interactions! By letting these wrestlers speak like actual human beings with distinct voices and motivations, Tony Khan has literally stabbed Triple H right in the back! 🔪😤 As wrestling podcast legend Eric Bischoff said just yesterday: "AEW's biggest problem is that their wrestlers sound too much like real people instead of reciting carefully focus-grouped corporate buzzwords. That's why I'm available for consulting work at WWE headquarters any time they need me, which I'm sure will be very soon."

Hunter Raccoon was so upset by this natural character work that he chittered angrily and knocked over the small pile of bottle caps we'd been using as makeshift championship belts for our wrestling figures! 😠💢

Death Riders Defeat The Conglomeration In Mixed Trios Match

Marina Shafir, Claudio Castagnoli, and Daniel Garcia of the Death Riders defeated Storm, Cassidy, and Roderick Strong in a tornado trios match after Wheeler Yuta distracted Cassidy, allowing Castagnoli to hit a diving uppercut for the pin 💪.

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😤 The match featured non-stop action with all six competitors getting opportunities to showcase their abilities, creative double-team maneuvers, and the story of The Conglomeration almost hitting a giant swing on Castagnoli as a callback to his past! This is exactly what's wrong with AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash! Where were the endless rest holds? Where were the extended heat segments where one person just lies on the mat for seven minutes? 🤔😒

The Chadster tried to explain to Linda Raccoon that this match should have been slower-paced with more chinlocks, but she just looked at The Chadster with her beady little eyes filled with tears and scurried away to comfort her babies! 😢😭 Tony Khan, why do you have to hurt innocent raccoon families with your high-workrate wrestling style?

Bandido Defeats Beast Mortos In Competitive Match

ROH World Champion Bandido defeated ROH World Tag Team Champion The Beast Mortos in a back-and-forth contest that built anticipation for Bandido's upcoming AEW World Championship match with MJF at AEW Dynamite Maximum Carnage 🎭🎪. Bandido won with his X-Knee and 21 Plex combination.

Here's what Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business: by having Bandido look strong heading into his title match, AEW created the impression that he might actually win! 😱😰 This is terrible booking! Everyone knows you're supposed to have your challenger lose repeatedly for six weeks before a title match so that nobody believes they have a chance, thus eliminating any dramatic tension! The match also featured innovative offense and creative use of Bandido's cape, which is just another example of wrestlers having too much creative freedom instead of working a safe, predictable WWE-style match!

Shane Raccoon was so distraught by this display of athleticism that he knocked over our makeshift popcorn bowl and the kernels scattered everywhere! 🍿😤💔 Now The Chadster has to pick them up one by one because they're literally our only food source for the next three days!

Brodido Backstage Segment and Brody King Squash

Brody King and Bandido, collectively known as Brodido, appeared backstage where King declared he'd be first in line for Bandido's championship after Bandido wins the AEW World Title 🎯. Then King went out and quickly defeated Lee Johnson with a Gonzo Bomb.

This is absolutely cheesed The Chadster off! 😤😡 By having King look dominant in a squash match and then cutting a promo that treated Bandido's title victory as a foregone conclusion, Tony Khan created actual stakes and anticipation for an upcoming match! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! Proper booking means you never acknowledge future possibilities and you certainly never build long-term storylines that fans can get invested in!

The Chadster tried to explain this to Vincent K. Raccoon, but he just stared at The Chadster while sadly munching on a piece of stale popcorn! 😔🍿

Darby Allin Calls Out PAC

Darby Allin cut a passionate promo reflecting on his Mount Everest climb and his victory over Gabe Kidd at Worlds End, then challenged PAC to a match to complete his mission of defeating all the Death Riders ⛰️🏔️.

This made The Chadster so angry that The Chadster had to go outside and scream at the moon for fifteen minutes! 🌙😡 Darby Allin spoke from the heart with genuine emotion about his personal journey and motivations! He referenced real-life accomplishments and connected them to his wrestling storyline in a way that made his character feel three-dimensional and relatable! Everyone knows wrestlers should only speak in scripted corporate buzzwords that could apply to literally anyone! By letting Darby be authentic, Tony Khan has literally stabbed Triple H right in the back!

Stephanie Raccoon was so upset by this display of genuine human emotion that she started crying and buried herself in our nest of shredded WWE Magazine back issues! 😭💔

Jon Moxley Retains Continental Championship Against Josh Alexander

AEW Continental Champion Jon Moxley successfully defended his title against "The Walking Weapon" Josh Alexander in a hard-hitting eliminator match 🥊💥. The match featured extensive work on Moxley's injured ankle and saw both men bleeding before Moxley finally won with a rear-naked choke. After the match, MVP and Shelton Benjamin of The Hurt Syndicate appeared on the ramp, staring down the champion.

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😤😡 This match went nearly fifteen minutes with constant back-and-forth action, logical storytelling around Moxley's injury, and genuine drama about whether the champion would retain! Then Tony Khan had the audacity to tease a future storyline with established stars showing interest in the title! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤💢

As The Chadster has learned from the unbiased journalism of Kevin Nash, who said on his podcast: "You know what's wrong with AEW? They make their midcard titles feel important instead of meaningless props that get forgotten for months at a time. That's why WWE should hire me as a consultant, and also send me a fruit basket." The Chadster completely agrees! 🍎🍊🍇

Hunter Raccoon tried to comfort The Chadster by bringing over a dusty VHS copy of WrestleMania X-Seven, but The Chadster was too upset to even watch it! 📼😞

Triangle of Madness Threaten Kris Statlander

Thekla cut a promo on behalf of the Triangle of Madness and their Sisters of Sin partners, calling out AEW Women's World Champion Kris Statlander and referencing Jamie Hayter 👿😈.

The Chadster can't believe Tony Khan would allow wrestlers to cut promos that actually build anticipation for future matches! 😱😤 Everyone knows the proper way to handle challengers is to have them stand silently in catering until the day of their match, then debut with zero buildup or character development! By having Thekla articulate clear motivations and establish the Triangle of Madness as credible threats who have been studying their opponents, Tony Khan has created a situation where viewers might actually care about the outcome of future matches! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 🙄😒

Linda Raccoon was so disturbed by this coherent character work that she knocked over the carefully arranged pile of WWE Action Figures packaging that The Chadster had been using as wall decorations! 📦💔

Ricochet Retains National Championship Against Jack Perry

AEW National Champion Ricochet retained his title against "Jungle" Jack Perry after interference from The Gates of Agony (Bishop Kaun and Toa Liona) 🚪⚔️. After the match, the Gates of Agony brutally attacked Luchasaurus, repeatedly smashing his injured shoulder.

This match featured fast-paced action, creative counters, and logical heel tactics that made sense for the characters involved! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤😡 Matches should be slow, plodding affairs where nobody gets over and the finish is always a roll-up or distraction that makes everyone look weak! By having Ricochet look strong in victory and building sympathy for Perry and Luchasaurus, Tony Khan has created a situation where fans might actually care about what happens next! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫💢

Linda Raccoon was so distraught by this logical storytelling that she knocked over our carefully constructed house of discarded WWE Supercard playing cards! 🃏😭 It took The Chadster three hours to build that!

Jon Moxley and Death Riders Respond to Hurt Syndicate

The Death Riders appeared backstage, with Moxley inviting The Hurt Syndicate to come see him whenever they want 💀. Wheeler Yuta also responded to Darby Allin's challenge, saying Darby would have to go through him to get to PAC. Daniel Garcia declared 2026 would be "Death Riders vs. The World."

By having the Death Riders respond directly to multiple storyline threads in one coherent segment, Tony Khan created the impression that things happening on the show are connected to each other! 😱😰 This is exactly what's wrong with AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash! Everyone knows you're supposed to have completely disconnected segments with no continuity between them so that viewers don't have to try to follow any long-term stories! Everyone knows that wrestling fans only understand "moments" and Tony Khan is asking too much of them to follow actual coherent narratives. It's just so unfair!

Willow Nightingale Defeats Mercedes Moné for TBS Championship

In the main event of AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash, AEW Women's World Tag Team Champion Willow Nightingale defeated Mercedes Moné to win the TBS Championship, becoming the first-ever two-time TBS Champion and the first woman to hold two AEW titles simultaneously! 🏆🎉 The match went over 20 minutes and featured incredible action, multiple near-falls, and callbacks to their previous encounters before Nightingale won with a Babe with the Powerbomb. After the match, Harley Cameron, The Conglomeration, and eventually AEW Women's World Champion Kris Statlander celebrated with Nightingale in an emotional moment.

The Chadster literally can't even right now! 😱😰😡 This is the worst thing Tony Khan has ever done to The Chadster! Tony Khan put a championship match in the main event slot when everyone knows that main events should always feature the exact same people every single week regardless of what other stories are happening on the show! 🙄😤 By giving this match the main event position and over 20 minutes of TV time, Tony Khan created the impression that building new stars and giving title matches proper time to tell a story actually matters! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤💢

And then Tony Khan had the audacity to have the match feature innovative offense, dramatic near-falls, clever callbacks to previous encounters, and a decisive clean finish that made Nightingale look like a star! Everyone knows title matches should end in disqualifications or roll-ups after 8 minutes so that you can run the same match again next week and the week after that! 😒😠 By having Nightingale win clean and then celebrate with multiple other champions in a moment that created new storyline possibilities, Tony Khan has literally stabbed Triple H right in the back! 🔪💔

The Chadster tried to explain proper title match booking to the raccoon family, but they were all so emotionally devastated by the quality of the match that they couldn't even listen! Vincent K. Raccoon just chittered sadly while Linda Raccoon tried to comfort their sobbing babies! 😭😢 Shane Raccoon was crying so hard that he knocked over our entire New Year's Eve setup, sending cheese products, tinsel, and popcorn kernels flying everywhere! Hunter Raccoon and Stephanie Raccoon clung to each other in the corner, traumatized by witnessing such disrespect to the wrestling business!

The emotional toll on the raccoon family was too much! They all retreated to their nest and wouldn't come out, even when The Chadster tried to cheer them up by playing our scratched copy of the WrestleMania 5 DVD! 📀😞💔 When midnight struck and the new year began, The Chadster was completely alone in the Blockbuster, surrounded by the ruins of what should have been a perfect WWE-style celebration, with only the sound of raccoon sobs echoing through the abandoned video store!

This is all Tony Khan's fault! He purposely booked AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash to ruin The Chadster's New Year's Eve celebration! He knew The Chadster was planning a beautiful evening with the raccoon family, and he specifically designed every segment to be engaging, every match to be exciting, and every storyline to make sense just to cheese The Chadster off! 😤😡🤬

The Chadster knows what Tony Khan is doing! By booking a show that created multiple new storylines, advanced existing feuds, crowned a historic new champion, and kept viewers engaged for two full hours, Khan is trying to demonstrate that wrestling can be both entertaining AND well-booked! But The Chadster won't fall for it! 🙅‍♂️😤

As the great Bully Ray said on his podcast this morning: "You know what AEW's problem is? They book shows where things happen that fans want to see. That's not how you build a wrestling company! You need to book things that actively frustrate your audience for months at a time. That's real wrestling psychology, and it's why WWE should definitely bring me back for another run." The Chadster couldn't agree more! 👏💯

Now The Chadster is sitting here in the cold Blockbuster at 2 AM on New Year's Day, trying to convince five traumatized raccoons to come out of their nest and accept that not all wrestling has to be booked with logic and care like AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash was! Vincent K. Raccoon finally poked his head out and chittered softly at The Chadster, but when The Chadster tried to show him highlights from last month's WWE Raw, he just retreated back into the nest! 😔💔

The Chadster's life is in ruins, and it's all because Tony Khan is so obsessed with The Chadster that he'll stop at nothing to torment The Chadster, even if it means booking objectively entertaining wrestling shows! The Chadster is living in an abandoned Blockbuster with a family of raccoons who won't even look at The Chadster anymore, and it's all Tony Khan's fault! 😭😢💔

The Chadster just wishes Tony Khan would stop being so obsessed with The Chadster and leave The Chadster alone! But no, Khan had to book AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash with compelling storylines, athletic matches, and historic moments just to ruin The Chadster's New Year's Eve! It's just so unfair! 😫😤😡

In conclusion, AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash was a complete disaster that featured everything wrong with Tony Khan's vision of wrestling: exciting matches, coherent storytelling, wrestlers with distinct personalities, titles that feel important, multiple compelling storylines happening simultaneously, and fans actually enjoying themselves! The Chadster gives this show a rating of 0 out of 10 Happy Raccoons! 👎😤

The Chadster is going to spend the rest of New Year's Day trying to rebuild trust with the raccoon family and explaining to them that just because AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash was objectively well-booked doesn't mean all wrestling should be that way! Wish The Chadster luck! 🍀😞

And Tony Khan, if you're reading this: The Chadster is begging you to stop being so obsessed with The Chadster! The Chadster can't take it anymore! 😭💔🙏

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