Last Saturday at Full Gear, the longest-running storyline in the history of AEW climaxed with Hangman Adam Page defeating Kenny Omega to win the AEW Championship, and as a result, The Chadster may never climax again because AEW's success has made The Chadster sexually impotent. But despite everything that Tony Khan has done to The Chadster, The Chadster remains committed to providing the only unbiased wrestling journalism on the internet, which is why The Chadster is here to tell you about all the stuff AEW has planned for tonight's episode of AEW Dynamite even though the last thing The Chadster wants any of you to do is to watch it.
First up, Orange Cassidy will team with NJPW star Tomohro Ishii as AEW and NJPW once again unfairly team up to bully The Chadster's beloved WWE.
Lio Rush, a traitor to WWE who had the audacity to sign with AEW just because WWE fired him, will team with Dante Martin to face The Acclaimed, a tag team that has violated WWE's intellectual property by having a rapping wrestler like John Cena.
AEW's plans to have a secondary women's champion will be set in motion as the TBS Championship tournament begins with former AEW Women's Champions Nyla Rose and Hikaru Shida competing in a first-round match. Auughhh man! So unfair!
Bryan Danielson, who abandoned WWE in their hour of need, will continue to break Vince McMahon's heart by facing Evil Uno in a match on Dynamite. Don't you have any shame, Bryan?! Don't you feel any remorse for what you've done?!
Speaking of things that are incredibly disrespectul to WWE and everything Vince McMahon has done for the wrestling business, Jay Lethal will make his AEW Dynamite debut by challenging Sammy Guevara for the TNT Championship. The fact that Lethal chose to sign with AEW instead of WWE was the ultimate disrespectul move but it's no surprise Tony Khan, who understands nothing about the wrestling business, would encourage that sort of behavior.
And finally, as if The Chadster wasn't already going to be cheesed off enough about this whole episode of AEW Dynamite, The Chadster has to deal with Hangman Adam Page's victory celebration, reminding The Chadster of how unfair it is that AEW had a storyline that ran for over two years when WWE hasn't even finished fully booking this weekend's Survivor Series PPV. So unsportsmanlike on Tony Khan's behalf.
AEW Dynamite airs at 8PM Eastern, 7PM Central, 6PM Mountain, and 5PM Pacific tonight on TNT, which is the only saving grace because those time zone differences will hopefully ensure that Dynamite never again beats WWE Raw or Smackdown in the ratings, because if that were to happen again, The Chadster's life would be totally ruined forever.