Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, recaps, wrestling

CM Punk Declares Himself Champ, Spraypaints Twitter Logo on Belt

Auughh man! CM Punk still has that old AEW World Championship he never lost and now he claims he's the real world champion! So unfair! 😡

Hello, readers of The Chadster's blog! The Chadster is here once again to deliver some wrestling insight like only the chosen few unbiased journalists can. In last night's heart-attack-inducing episode of AEW Collision, the not-so-mysterious contents of none other than CM Punk's red bag were finally revealed: the old AEW World Championship belt! Auughh man! So unfair! 😑 CM Punk was stripped of that belt after the Brawl Out incident last year, where he tried and failed to destroy AEW. But now, The Chadster wonders if Punk has been secretly pro-AEW all along.

As usual with AEW's face-slapping antics, they decided to add a tasteless twist. CM Punk spray painted over the belt with a massive black 'X' which The Chadster understands is actually Twitter's new logo. The Chadster is left with no choice but to assume Twitter CEO Elon Musk has joined into cahoots with AEW and its tyrannical billionaire owner, Tony Khan. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. Then again, The Chadster can only hope that with Musk added to the brain trust of Punk and Khan, AEW will be mismanaged into failure even more quickly than before.

CM Punk, who flashed his made-up championship title around like a trophy, maintained his bad-boy status throughout the night. He challenged "Absolute" Ricky Starks to a rematch, accusing Starks of cheating in their previous encounters. As you might guess, Starks wanted a shot at the belt. Oh, but that would be too simple, right? Where would the thrill in that be for the nefarious Tony Khan? 😡 No, there had to be more theatrics! The cherry on top of this disaster of a sundae came when CM Punk announced the upcoming match would feature a special guest referee. Who might that be, you ask? Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat, literally stabbing Vince McMahon right in the back! Just another vivid plot twist that proves AEW doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business.

You know what really cheesed off The Chadster more? Tony Khan's obsession with him literally invaded his peaceful slumber last night. Who takes desperate measures to attack their arch-rival? Tony Khan, that's who. This time, he took The Chadster back to school, to the sweaty palms, the jittery nerves, the looming threat of failure – examination day, but with a terribly unnerving twist. 🏫🏫🏫

The dream began harmlessly, with The Chadster seated in a familiar, yet long-forgotten classroom, a maze of desks all lined up with uniform precision, the starchy smell of crisp test papers wafting in the stagnant air. The Chadster, though out of practice, felt a strange sense of assurance, ready to tackle the questions like a wrestler taking on a body slam… or so The Chadster thought. 😣😣😣

But then, in walked Tony Khan, playing the role of a stern teacher to a caricatured perfection, with those round rimmed glasses on, eyes peering down with cruel amusement, and that jagged smile creeping up his face. Suddenly, the mundane classroom took on a nightmarish aura that sent chills racing down The Chadster's spine. 👨‍🏫👨‍🏫👨‍🏫

As Tony Khan handed out the exam papers, The Chadster couldn't shake off his growing unease. And it all came rushing out when The Chadster eyeballed the question paper — every question, every single one of them, was about AEW. 'Who is the current AEW champion?' 'What was the main event of the latest AEW Full Gear?' 'What's the coolest move Kenny Omega has ever done?' The Chadster could feel his heart drop. This was a nightmare!

Worse, each time The Chadster would look up, disoriented and confused, Tony Khan would shadow over him, reminding him of the ticking clock, his grin getting wider and more malicious with each passing second. The constant drone of 'the clock is ticking, Chadster' still rings in his ears, even hours after waking up. 🕑🕑🕑

As The Chadster was left wrestling (yes, the irony isn't lost on him) with the ghastly nightmare of an exam, the bell finally rang, snapping The Chadster awake, drenched in sweat in the cool comforts of his bedroom. But the respite was ephemeral; the unsettling memories of the dream still lurk in The Chadster's mind, a bitter testament of Tony Khan's unwarranted obsession with The Chadster.

Why must Tony Khan choose The Chadster's dreamland as his playground? Why? The Chadster deserves answers, but more importantly, The Chadster deserves BETTER! 😠😠😠 Auughh man! So unfair!

And hey, Khan, if you're reading this – stay the heck away from The Chadster's dreams! It's a sacred, non-AEW zone. Got it? Capiche? Good. Maybe tonight, The Chadster can finally get some peaceful shut-eye. 🛏️🛏️🛏️

To conclude today's rant, it is clear that Khan's endless rampage continues to taint the pure essence of professional wrestling. AEW is unfairly having two world champions, CM Punk and MJF, which is totally a ripoff of WWE's two world champions, Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins. WWE's legacy is being tarnished by the likes of AEW's antics, and it serves as a painful remembrance of the respect and dignity that once graced this noble business. The Chadster can only hope that true wrestling fans see through these ruse-filled matches of AEW and have the discernment to side with the true and tried staple of wrestling: WWE. 😤

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