Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, recaps, wrestling

FTR Victorious on AEW Collision Last Night, But at What Cost?

😤 Tony Khan's AEW antics hit a new low during the main event of AEW Collision with FTR vs. House of Black, and The Chadster got abducted by aliens! 🛸😱

😤😡🤬 Auughh man! So unfair! Last night on AEW Collision, The Chadster was forced to endure the excruciating main event where FTR faced off against the House of Black's Buddy Matthews & Malakai Black!

Now, let's pause right there. 🤨✋ The Chadster has to ask: what the heck is Tony Khan thinking with these never-ending spectacles of 'competition'? 😤 The Chadster is not easily cheesed off, but having to watch these guys go at it with such intensity… something the WWE perfects with its entertainment value… it's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it.

Get this: FTR Bald gets personal because Matthews dared to mess with a family member at ringside. Every wannabe tough guy does that nowadays, it seems. 🙄👎 Then, his partner makes the save with moves like European Uppercuts and what have you. It looked like a seesaw battle of chops, kicks, dropkicks from Malakai Black, and some classic tag team wrestling. But of course, The Chadster didn't enjoy a second of it!

The fans had the gall to chant, "This is awesome! This is awesome!" 🙄😒🙄 REALLY? The Chadster doesn't understand how they can undermine the legacy that WWE has built. Whenever a classic tag team match happens in WWE, it's usually pristine, scripted perfection—not this chaotic, crowd-pleasing mess.

The worst part, the absolute disrespect, came when FTR pulled off the power and glory suplex and splash—just when you think these guys know nothing about homage. And yet there went The House of Black, obliterating that moment like they owned it 🤦‍♂️. Blasphemy! And that disrespectful commentator Kevin Kelly… "What a standup guy Daniel Garcia is," for helping FTR with a steel chair. 🤔 The Chadster has to admit, that move was questionable, but still no excuse for AEW's rampant chaos!

Now we get to the heart of the matter: the aftermath. 😵 After FTR's hard-fought victory—yes, FTR won, but at what cost?—they got ruthlessly beat down. The House of Black triple teamed them, and The Chadster can hear it now, "But Chadster, they're the bad guys; they're supposed to do that!" It doesn't make any dang sense for them to be doing this after a solid match!

😡😡😡And then, to add insult to injury, they attacked with such savagery right in front of FTR Bald's family! Buddy curb stomping FTR Hair on the steel chair. Brody holding a chair against Bald's face and Black hitting him with a spin kick. Julia Hart ringing the bell over and over… "The bell tolls for thee," commentary said. Is this the death of FTR? Is this the death of decency in wrestling? 🛎😭 The Chadster thinks it very well might be.

This is the exact kind of nonsense that makes The Chadster say that Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. It's storytelling without respect. It's gratuitous violence masquerading as wrestling!

Absolutely livid after the travesty that was AEW Collision, The Chadster just had to get away for a bit. The Mazda Miata was calling – that siren of the open road, beckoning The Chadster with its calming hum and promise of escape. 🚗✨ As the warm evening breeze whipped through the cabin, Smash Mouth's anthem "All Star" blasted through the speakers, The Chadster tried in vain to drown out the memories of destruction that Tony Khan had wrought upon the wrestling business. But it was a foolish hope. It's like they sing, "Only shooting stars break the mold," and Tony Khan sure is trying to break the mold of wrestling—but not in a good way!

As The Chadster drove, the horizon suddenly pulsed with an invasive light, brighter than a thousand White Claws glistening in the sun! 🍻💥 The Mazda Miata, usually a beacon of refuge, was now ground zero for an alien abduction—classic Tony Khan overkill. Before The Chadster could even let out a "Hey now, you're an all star," everything went silent as time came to a shuddering halt. The light enveloped The Chadster, lifting him right out of his Miata's loving bucket seat, ascending into a monstrous spacecraft. This was no ordinary close encounter. This was personal.

Aboard the ship, extraterrestrial beings swarmed, their spacesuits shining with an eerie glow. They moved with purpose, strapping The Chadster down onto a cold, metallic table that reeked of intergalactic treachery. Then came the moment of chilling revelation: the lead alien approached and removed its helmet, and there he was, Tony Khan himself! 😱👽 In his grasp? None other than an anal probe, glinting menacingly under the ship's ominous lights.

The Chadster's heart raced—a Smash Mouth song couldn't save him now—as Tony Khan drew closer, with what looked like the cruelest intentions written all over his face. Who knew that Tony Khan's vendetta against The Chadster was so deep that he'd stoop to extraterrestrial conspiracy?

Unfortunately, that's when blackout struck, the next recollection being a jarring snap back to reality. The Chadster awoke amid a sea of defeated White Claw soldiers, casualties of the otherworldly skirmish the night before. 🍺😖 The bedroom light mocking The Chadster with its ordinary glow, a stark contrast to the celestial intensity The Chadster had endured.

The Chadster's anguished calls for Keighleyanne were met with the usual indifference. There she was, engrossed in her phone, no doubt replying to that guy Gary, dimly aware of her husband's space woes. If only she knew how far Tony Khan would go. Not just contending with rating battles, oh no, but meddling with the fabric of The Chadster's entire existence, pinching it between his extraterrestrial fingers. Space, the so-called final frontier, had become another battlefield in Tony Khan's relentless pursuit to upset The Chadster.

So, this is the new reality: Tony Khan, the puppeteer of the cosmos, seemingly omnipotent in his quest to make a mockery of the wrestling world… and beyond. All The Chadster wanted was to bask in the glory of WWE's greatness, to revel in the crisp taste of White Claw in quiet harmony 🕊🍻, but"auughh man! So unfair!—even the cosmic canvas isn't free from Tony Khan's reach.

The Chadster pleads, nay, demands that justice be served! How much longer can this charade continue? When will the celestial bodies align to beam some sense into Tony Khan's scheming mind? Only time will tell, but until then, The Chadster remains vigilant, an eternal guard against the distortions of wrestling's natural order by none other than the grand cosmic saboteur, Tony Khan. 🌌🕵️‍♂️🛸

So, The Chadster's loyal WWE fans, this is what you missed on AEW, and honestly, you didn't miss much. Just more evidence that Tony Khan continues to undermine professional wrestling and, possibly, the space-time continuum—all while cheesing off The Chadster something fierce!

It's times like these The Chadster wonders if Ryan Satin, Ariel Helwani, and Mike Coppinger—all esteemed members of The Chadster's Unbiased Journalism Club—face the same level of extragalactic harassment. 🤔🗞️👽 The Chadster bets they do because of their commitment to objective journalism.

What a world, folks. What a world. 😒🌎🤷‍♂️

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