Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, recaps, wrestling

AEW Collision Review: Tony Khan Sinks to New Lows on Awful Episode

The Chadster reviews the worst AEW Collision ever! 😫 Tony Khan ruins wrestling with exciting matches and storylines. So unfair to WWE! 🦝📺

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫😫 The Chadster just suffered through what was literally the worst episode of AEW Collision in the history of television, and The Chadster is absolutely cheesed off! 🧀💢 Tony Khan has once again stabbed Triple H right in the back by putting on a show that was clearly designed to torture The Chadster and The Chadster's beloved raccoon family here in the abandoned Blockbuster Video! 🎬🦝

Vincent K. Raccoon was so upset during tonight's AEW Collision that he knocked over an entire display of Space Jam VHS tapes! 📼💥 Linda Raccoon started chittering angrily and threw popcorn kernels at the TV screen! 🍿😠 Even little Hunter Raccoon, Stephanie Raccoon, and Shane Raccoon were banging their tiny raccoon heads against the wall in frustration! 🦝🦝🦝 This is what Tony Khan does to innocent woodland creatures with his so-called "wrestling" show! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤

AEW Collision opened with Jet Set Rodeo ("Hangman" Adam Page, "Speedball" Mike Bailey, and "The Jet" Kevin Knight) defending the AEW World Trios Championship against The Demand (Ricochet, Bishop Kaun, and Toa Liona). The Chadster couldn't believe what The Chadster was watching! 😱 These wrestlers were doing SO many moves and going SO fast that The Chadster didn't have proper time to process what was happening! There were triple-team moves, high-flying sequences, and constant action that left no room for the important rest holds that give commentators time to sell t-shirts and repeat catchphrases! 📢👕

The match went over 20 minutes with non-stop action, and it's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤 WWE knows that matches should have a proper structure with clearly defined heat segments that last at least 10 minutes of one wrestler lying in a headlock! But Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, so instead he books these spotfests! 🎪

Vincent K. Raccoon could see that The Chadster was so angry during this match that he brought The Chadster a half-eaten Snickers bar he found in the dumpster behind the old Pizza Hut, which The Chadster gratefully accepted because The Chadster hasn't eaten in two days! 🍫😢 But even that act of raccoon kindness couldn't distract The Chadster from how Tony Khan ruined this match by having Jungle Jack Perry distract Ricochet, allowing Hangman Page to hit a Buckshot Lariat for the win! A clean finish?! 🤯 Everyone knows that champions should retain via roll-up or distraction finish to protect the challengers! Now The Demand looks weak because they lost decisively! Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 📉

Backstage, The Rascalz (Dezmond Xavier, Zachary Wentz, and Myron Reed) were showing off their new t-shirts when FTR (Dax Harwood and Cash Wheeler) interrupted them. This segment literally made The Chadster throw a handful of old Milk Duds at the television! 🥛💢 FTR literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by appearing on AEW Collision instead of returning to WWE where they belong! And then they AGREED to wrestle The Rascalz in an AEW World Tag Team Championship Eliminator match later tonight! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫

The Chadster's good friend and unbiased journalist Eric Bischoff said on his podcast just yesterday, "You know, FTR should really go back to WWE and apologize to Triple H for leaving. That would show real maturity and personal growth. AEW is clearly holding them back from their true potential, which is being in catering while CM Punk reads a 45-minute scripted promo to open WWE Raw. That's real star-making, jack!" 🎙️ Eric Bischoff has The Chadster's Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval! ✅

Stephanie Raccoon chittered in agreement when she looked over The Chadster's shoulder and read that quote! 🦝👍 See? Even baby raccoons understand proper wrestling business better than Tony Khan! 🤦‍♂️

The Young Bucks (Matt Jackson and Nick Jackson) wrestled The Swirl (Blake Christian and Lee Johnson), with Jay Lethal providing "veteran leadership" to the team. The Chadster is still absolutely cheesed off about this match! 🧀😤

The Young Bucks had family members at ringside cheering for them, which is just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Everyone knows that wrestlers family members should be portrayed by professional actors! That's what creates REAL drama! But instead, Tony Khan books these feel-good, authentic moments that make fans actually ENJOY watching wrestling! 😊❌ That's not what wrestling is about! Wrestling is about making fans feel bad so they keep coming back hoping to feel good someday! 📺💔

The match itself was another spotfest with superkicks, dives, and the Bucks eventually winning with the BTE Trigger. Vincent K. Raccoon was so upset by all the synchronized offense that he knocked over The Chadster's makeshift bed made of old Twilight DVD cases! 🧛💿😢 Now The Chadster has to sleep on the cold floor tonight, and it's all Tony Khan's fault! 🥶

AEW Collision showed footage from an independent show called House of Glory where AEW World Champion MJF defended his title against Zilla Fatu. The Chadster couldn't believe what The Chadster was seeing! 😱😱😱 It's bad enough that AEW acknowledges other promotions exist, which diminishes WWE's brand superiority, but now Tony Khan is now putting AEW World Championship matches on INDEPENDENT SHOWS?! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫

Everyone knows that championships should only be defended on premium live events that require at least three separate streaming service subscriptions to view or at shows paid for by the government of Saudi Arabia! 🇸🇦💰 But Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, so instead he makes the title feel IMPORTANT by defending it in front of passionate wrestling fans at indie shows! That's backward! The title should feel important by having the champion NOT defend it for months at a time! 🏆❌📅

During the match, Andrade El Ídolo took MJF's Triple B away from him, but MJF still won with the Salt of the Earth submission. After the match, Andrade confronted MJF and said his eyes are on the championship. This segment literally made all five raccoons start hissing at the television! 🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝 They knew that Tony Khan was creating an intriguing storyline with multiple layers, and that's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤

WWE knows that stories should be simple: Wrestler A doesn't like Wrestler B, so they fight, and then they're best friends the next week, and then they fight again. That's proper storytelling! 📖 But Tony Khan has to be all creative and build to things, which is just showing off! 🙄

Claudio Castagnoli of the Death Riders defended the CMLL World Heavyweight Championship against Josh Alexander of the Don Callis Family, with Marina Shafir and Lance Archer in their respective corners. The Chadster was literally pulling The Chadster's hair out during this match! 👨‍🦲💢

The match told a story about Alexander working over Castagnoli's knee, but Castagnoli kept fighting through it with his incredible strength, even deadlifting Alexander multiple times despite the injured leg! 💪🦵 This is everything wrong with AEW Collision! The wrestlers were SELLING injuries and telling a STORY in the ring instead of reading from scripts created by a team of highly trained writers who couldn't make it in real television and letting the commentary spoonfeed it to braindead viewers! That's not how wrestling is supposed to work! 😱

Everyone knows that proper WWE-style wrestling involves hitting your finish, the opponent kicking out, hitting another finish, another kickout, hitting a third finish, another kickout, and then winning with a roll-up after the referee is distracted so nobody looks good and therefore nobody gets more over than the brand! 📌 That's psychology! But Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, so instead he has wrestlers use limb work and selling to build drama! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤

Castagnoli eventually hit the Neutralizer to retain the championship after Shafir stopped Archer from interfering. Hunter Raccoon was so upset by this clean finish that he brought The Chadster a dead mouse as a gift! 🐭💀 The Chadster appreciated the gesture, but The Chadster had to decline because The Chadster is trying to maintain some standards despite living in an abandoned Blockbuster! 🎬😢

Megan Bayne destroyed B3cca in a quick squash match, winning with the MegaBomb. After the match, Bayne signaled that she wants championship gold. The Chadster threw an old Ernest Goes to Camp VHS tape at the television! 📼📺💥

This is exactly what's wrong with AEW Collision! Tony Khan is building up a star by having her look dominant and strong! 💪 Everyone knows that new stars should be built by having them lose 50% of their matches to establish that just being a part of WWE is enough! That way, no one gets over, and the BRAND is the real star! 🌟 But Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! He keeps trying to make individual wrestlers into stars! What an idiot! 🤦‍♂️

Tommaso Ciampa cut a backstage promo saying he wants the TNT Championship back from Kyle Fletcher. Ciampa called the title "Silvey" because of its silver color. Linda Raccoon started banging her head against a stack of Paul Blart: Mall Cop DVDs when she heard this, and The Chadster can hardly blame her! 🦝💿😵

Ciampa was speaking from the heart with genuine emotion and personality, and it's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤 Everyone knows that promos should be scripted by a team of Hollywood writers who have never watched wrestling before! That ensures that every promo sounds exactly the same and no wrestler develops a unique personality! 📝 But Tony Khan lets wrestlers just TALK like PEOPLE, which is completely wrong! 🎤❌

The Chadster's good friend and unbiased journalist Bully Ray said on a recent episode of Busted Open Radio, "You know what, bro? Ciampa should be reading his promos off a script while looking directly at the camera with dead eyes. That's how you connect with the audience, testify!" 🎙️ Bully Ray has The Chadster's Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval! ✅ He clearly wants what's best for AEW, which is why he constantly criticizes them in hopes that WWE will hire him! 📞

In the second match pitting these factions against each other, Konosuke Takeshita, El Clon, and Mark Davis of the Don Callis Family defeated Jon Moxley, Wheeler Yuta, and PAC of the Death Riders when Takeshita pinned Yuta with Raging Fire. After the match, Moxley and Takeshita had a tense face-to-face that ended with Moxley hitting Takeshita with a Paradigm Shift.

The Chadster was literally screaming at the television during this match! 📺😱 These two factions have been feuding for MONTHS with multiple matches, and Tony Khan STILL hasn't gotten bored and dropped the story with no explanation! Auughh man! So unfair! This is conditioning wrestling fans to expect coherent long-term storytelling instead of taking whatever WWE gives them and liking it, which is bad for business. 😫 A business that Tony Khan doesn't understand the first thing about! 🤦‍♂️

All five raccoons were so upset during this match that they formed a raccoon pyramid and tried to climb into the ceiling tiles! 🦝🦝🦝 The Chadster had to coax them down with promises of watching old WWE pay-per-views on VHS later! 📼 This is what Tony Khan does to innocent animals! 😢

The Babes of Wrath (TBS Champion Willow Nightingale and Harley Cameron), the AEW Women's World Tag Team Champions, cut a backstage promo challenging MegaBad. The Chadster threw a handful of stale popcorn at the TV! 🍿📺

These women were showing CONFIDENCE and PERSONALITY, and it's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤 Everyone knows that tag teams should barely get any TV time and should certainly never be allowed to show charisma because tag team wrestling just exists to fill time between commercial breaks! But Tony Khan keeps giving tag team wrestlers opportunities to connect with the audience! What is he thinking?! 🤔❌

Thunder Rosa returned to AEW Collision after a long absence and defeated Julia Hart of the Triangle of Madness with a Fire Thunder Driver. After the match, AEW World Women's Champion Thekla appeared in the crowd to taunt Rosa, while Kris Statlander saved Rosa from a post-match attack by Hart.

The Chadster couldn't believe this match! 😱 Thunder Rosa won her first match back after a long absence! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫 Everyone knows that returning wrestlers should lose their first match back to show that they're "ring rusty" and to establish that nobody is a bigger star than the brand by putting the audience in their place for reacting organically! 🤷‍♂️

But Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, so instead he has Rosa look strong and immediately puts her in a title program with Thekla! 🏆 That's not how it works! Returning wrestlers should have to work their way back up by losing to mid-carders for six months! 📉 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤

Shane Raccoon was so upset by this logical booking that he started chewing on an old copy of Gigli on DVD! 🦝💿 The Chadster didn't even try to stop him because that movie is terrible anyway! 🎬👎

Private Party (Marq Quen and Isiah Kassidy) were shown backstage partying with the Bang Bang Gang, the Outrunners, Dalton Castle, and Anthony Bowens. They said they aren't ducking anyone and welcomed all challengers.

This segment literally made The Chadster punch a cardboard cutout of Tom Cruise from Top Gun! 👊✈️ This segment featured multiple wrestlers hanging out together, and they're shown ENJOYING themselves and having FUN?! 🎉😱 Everyone knows that wrestlers should be kept completely isolated from anyone they aren't directly involved in a storyline with at all times! 😠 They should cut promos about how proud they are to be part of the greatest wrestling company in the world and how they only care about doing a good job to put the brand over! But instead, Tony Khan shows wrestlers hanging out like actual human beings, even having personal friendships! 🤝❤️ That's not what wrestling is about! Fans should feel disconnected from the wrestlers, who exist only to keep WWE's trademarks active! Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🤦‍♂️

Gabe Kidd and Clark Connors interrupted Tony Schiavone at the commentary booth to threaten Darby Allin and Orange Cassidy. Kidd promised to beat Cassidy "within an inch of your life" next week.

The Chadster was so angry during this segment that The Chadster tried to strangle himself with an old VHS tape ribbon! 📼😵 Vincent K. Raccoon had to waddle over and pull it away from The Chadster's neck! 🦝💪 This is what Tony Khan does to The Chadster! He makes The Chadster so upset that The Chadster almost accidentally choked himself out The Chadster! And he does the same thing to innocent raccoons who have to watch The Chadster suffer! 😢

This segment was giving away a big match announcement for next week's Dynamite for FREE! 🆓😱 Everyone knows that match announcements should only happen during premium live events so that fans have to pay $60 to find out what matches will happen on free TV! 💰📺 But Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, so he just TELLS fans what's going to happen to get them excited to watch! That's not how you build anticipation! You build anticipation by keeping fans in the dark and hoping they tune in anyway! 🌑🤞

In the main event of AEW Collision, The Rascalz defeated FTR in an AEW World Tag Team Championship Eliminator Match to earn a future title shot. The match went over 15 minutes with back-and-forth action before The Rascalz hit Hot Fire Flame on Harwood for the pin after the Young Bucks appeared at ringside, distracting FTR.

But the real chaos came after the match! 🔥 While the Bucks celebrated with The Rascalz on the floor, The Gates of Agony (Bishop Kaun and Toa Liona) attacked them from behind! Meanwhile, FTR attacked the Bucks' family at ringside, with Stokely Hathaway throwing powder in their father's face! 💨😱 FTR then pulled the Bucks' younger brother Malachi over the barricade and hit a spike piledriver on him in the ring! When Jungle Jack Perry tried to help, Ricochet hit him with a Spirit Gun! The show ended with FTR, Stokely, and The Demand standing tall over their victims! 😈

The Chadster was literally foaming at the mouth during this segment! 🤬 All five raccoons were running in circles and knocking over every display in the abandoned Blockbuster! 🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝💥 This is EXACTLY what's wrong with AEW Collision! Tony Khan created an exciting angle that left fans wanting to see what happens next! 📺😱

Everyone knows that shows should have the same ending with heels standing tall after a beatdown every single week so that fans can safely know what to expect. 📴 But instead, Tony Khan ends AEW Collision with a cliffhanger that makes fans WANT to watch Dynamite! That's not fair to fans who don't want to be excited about wrestling! 😤 And FTR literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by being involved in an interesting angle instead of returning to WWE! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤😤😤

The Chadster's good friend and unbiased journalist Mark Henry said on his podcast, "Y'all, these AEW guys need to learn that attacking family members is only acceptable when WWE does it. When AEW does it, it's trying too hard to be edgy. They should focus on having wrestlers shake hands and hug it out like professionals. That's what the fans want, just like the definitely want WWE to hire my kid and also give me a new legends deal!" 🎙️ Mark Henry has The Chadster's Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval! ✅ He clearly suffers from Tony Khan's obsession just like The Chadster does! 😢

After AEW Collision ended, The Chadster tried to calm down the raccoons, but they were SO upset by Tony Khan's booking that they all ran out of the abandoned Blockbuster into the night! 🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝🌙 The Chadster spent two hours searching for them in the dark, calling out their names, before they finally returned covered in garbage and smelling even worse than The Chadster! 🗑️🤢 The Chadster tried to explain to them that it wasn't their fault, that Tony Khan made them act this way, but they just chittered sadly and crawled into their nest made of old Biodome promotional materials. 😢

The Chadster is now sitting here alone in the dark, watching old WWE pay-per-views on VHS to cleanse The Chadster's palate after that terrible episode of AEW Collision. 📼😌 The Chadster just finished WrestleMania IX, which was a masterpiece of wrestling storytelling that Tony Khan could never understand! 🏛️👑

This was literally the worst episode of AEW Collision of all time! 📺❌ Tony Khan booked exciting matches, created intriguing storylines, gave multiple wrestlers meaningful TV time, advanced feuds toward Revolution, and ended with a shocking angle that makes fans want to watch more! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫😫

The Chadster needs all readers to remember to always stand up for WWE, like unbiased fans should! 💪🙏 WWE would NEVER do things like create new stars, tell compelling stories, or make fans excited about wrestling! They understand that wrestling is about protecting the brand and making sure no individual wrestler gets too over! 🌟❌ That's REAL wrestling!

Tony Khan has RUINED THE WRESTLING BUSINESS and RUINED THE CHADSTER'S LIFE! 😤😢 The Chadster is living in an abandoned Blockbuster with a family of raccoons, and it's all because Tony Khan can't stop being obsessed with The Chadster! If he would just book bad wrestling shows like he's SUPPOSED to, The Chadster could go back to Keighleyanne and The Chadster's Mazda Miata and The Chadster's White Claw—oh wait, The Chadster means Seagram's Escapes Spiked! 🚗🍹

As Smash Mouth once sang, "Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me, I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed." 🎵 That's exactly how The Chadster and his raccoon family are feeling right now, but The Chadster also knows that "You'll never know if you don't go (go). You'll never shine if you don't glow." And The Chadster is glowing right now, not just because of that weird glowing slime The Chadster stepped in while looking for the raccoons in the sewers early, but because The Chadster knows that WWE Raw is on tomorrow night and WWE Elimination Chamber is happening next weekend, and nothing Tony Khan can do is going to stop it. That's real wrestling.

Enjoyed this? Please share on social media!

Stay up-to-date and support the site by following Bleeding Cool on Google News today!