Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: goldberg, wrestling

Goldberg, Who Trashed AEW, Feels Disrespected by WWE Retirement

El Presidente reports on Goldberg complaining about WWE disrespecting his retirement despite trashing AEW, who would have treated him better.

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my golden palace's steam room, where I am currently meditating on the nature of respect, legacy, and what happens when a man who can only perform two wrestling moves complains about not getting enough airtime. Ah yes, comrades, we must discuss the eternal saga of Bill Goldberg, the professional wrestler who has spent more time complaining about his WWE retirement than he actually spent wrestling in his final match (which was, admittedly, one of his longest at nearly 15 minutes)!

Now, comrades, if there is one thing I have learned from my various battles with the CIA, it's this: when you burn a bridge, you cannot then complain that the bridge you're standing on isn't as sturdy as you'd like. The CIA once offered me a very generous deal to stop nationalizing American banana companies, but I told them their offer was "too cheesy" for a man of my stature. You know what happened next? They supported a coup against me! Did I complain? Well, yes, extensively, but at least I had the self-awareness to understand cause and effect, which is apparently more than we can say for our muscular friend Goldberg.

According to a delicious interview transcribed by our comrades at F4WOnline, which you can also view on Instagram via Pop the Chain, Goldberg is once again weeping into his protein shakes about how WWE disrespected him during his retirement. When asked about WWE cutting off his microphone at his final performance, Goldberg responded with the kind of sarcasm that would make even my good friend Kim Jong-un proud: "Well, what do you think it did for me? It made me really happy. It just shows what disrespect they have for me."

Ah yes, comrades, the disrespect! The sheer audacity of WWE to relegate his retirement speech to YouTube instead of airing it during Saturday Night's Main Event! Never mind that Goldberg had just wrestled Gunther for fifteen whole minutes—an eternity for a man whose entire moveset consists of a spear and a jackhammer. This is like complaining that your one-man show wasn't given a Broadway stage when your entire performance consists of walking on stage and flexing twice after giving yourself a concussion by purposely smacking your head into a wall backstage.

But here is where the story becomes truly delicious, my friends. You see, there was an alternative! AEW, the upstart promotion that gave the legendary Sting one of the most beautiful, respectful, and emotional sendoffs in wrestling history, was a possibility for Goldberg. Well-known capitalist pig Tony Khan, despite his many flaws (and believe me, comrades, I once spent an entire evening with Fidel Castro's ghost discussing Tony Khan's booking decisions), would have probably rolled out a red carpet for Goldberg and given him the hero's farewell he so desperately craves.

But what did Goldberg do? Back in 2024, our bald hero proclaimed that AEW was "too cheesy" for him! Too cheesy! Comrades, I have eaten government cheese that was distributed during my country's economic sanctions, and I can tell you that cheese has more self-awareness than this statement. Goldberg said, and I quote: "The product's too cheesy. The product is too cheesy. It doesn't deserve to have…I mean, whatever. You're really gonna get me going. But if there was a comparable, viable option as a competitor that would allow me to still look myself in the mirror after I was a member of their roster, yeah, then it would be a consideration. But not a chance." Of course, Tony Khan claims that Goldberg thought differently while trying to get a job in AEW in prior discussion.

Comrades, this is what we call in the dictator business "stepping on your own rake." I once witnessed Muammar Gaddafi turn down an invitation to Nicolas Maduro's birthday party because he thought the decorations were "too gaudy," only to spend the next six months complaining that nobody invited him to parties anymore. The man died still bitter about it! (Well, he died bitter about many things, but this was definitely on the list.)

Now Goldberg sits in interviews calling Triple H a "jackass" for cutting his microphone, when the reality is simple: WWE has never respected wrestlers whose greatest achievements came in WCW. This is not news, comrades! This is like being surprised when the CIA tries to assassinate you after you nationalize their oil refineries. It's simply what they do! It's in their nature, like a scorpion stinging a frog, or a reality TV star running for president.

The beautiful irony here is that Goldberg could have had his cake and eaten it too. He could have gone to AEW, received a sendoff worthy of his inflated ego, and been celebrated as a conquering hero. Instead, he chose to publicly insult them, crawl back to WWE hoping for their gratitude, and is now shocked—SHOCKED, I tell you—that the company known for pettiness and long memories treated him with all the reverence of a mid-card jobber.

Comrades, in the spirit of socialism and collective wisdom, let me share with you the moral of this story: You cannot have your protein shake and drink it too. When you make your bed with disrespect, you must lie in it. Perhaps Goldberg can a job hosting WrestleMania in Saudi Arabia next year if he adequately insults AEW on a podcast before then.

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